to want my DH to walk with me

[fit4more]

Just that really. We were walking back from a friends house last night and we are chatting, mid conversation, strolling home, with kids, everybody on the same side of the road when he’s off....across the road to the other side. Normally I’d follow him because we are mid convo and suddenly he’s leading the way. Then I realised that this happens all the time. When we are out, even on a date, he’s walking 4 paces in front of me. It’s like follow the leader. I’m a quick walker so I’m not a slow coach. I’m just struggling to understand why he does it. I’m finding it irritating. It feels a bit rude and it’s not exactly romantic/caring is it? I have said in the past about it but it’s not changing. I’d like others opinions please.

When this happens, drop right back and don't try and catch up. Walk into shops, stop and talk on your phone etc. He can either slow down and walk with you again, or he can carry on without you (if he chooses the latter you may have a bigger problem than just walking, it symbolises much more than that to me) It is bad manners at best, controlling at worst.

I don't think DH is making a point when he does this ( as he does), I think he is absorbed in getting to.where we are going . He is someone who usually has a schedule and likes to stick.to it as much as possible.

i on the other hand just go with the flow, loathe rushing and and often get much less done as a result .I end up the spare wheel at the back when we go out with DS as well as they both seem to do this. DS is slower than DH though so we usually end up in a queue. Dh, Ds and me bringing up the rear!!

DH did this. So I often walk somewhere else. Then he has to turn around And follow us having gone the wrong one.

ExDP used to do this (amongst many, many other things). We went on holiday once were taking a trip to the beach. He marched off, leaving me with the beach bag, parasol, bucket & spade... oh and DS(3) who had taken a liking to sitting down at the most inappropritate of moments (like when trying to cross the road).

Despite me yelling at him to come back to help, he didnt and we split up not long after we got back.

We didnt split for that reason alone, it was the straw that broke the camels back

Yep 30yrs of this till finally I dumped his arse....obviously lots of other stuff, but just one of the many selfish trates he had....

Now I have a man who makes sure I'm by his side and holds my hand, love it

It's just rude, nothing to do with height or stride. I'd be inclined to stop going out with them if they can't walk with you.

Does he tend to want to use the toilet at home instead of other people’s houses? He could be hurrying off because he needs a wee or poop.

DH often does this and it really fucks me off. He’s nearly a foot taller with long legs, but I’m sick of scurrying after him. I always say something. It’s weird because on narrow pavements he doesn’t do it, instead he insists on walking between me and the road “so I don’t fall in”... an odd blend of chivalry and thoughtlessness.

Really surprised at those excusing their husbands - my DH was also in the army and is a foot talker than me.

We always walk together, he's not a rude arse!

*taller!

Hold hands, We hold hands a lot when walking nowadays (embarrasses the kids who think we're behaving like teenagers )

Ds1 and DH do that. They are tall and fast walkers. I am not as tall and walk very slowly.

I have told them numerous times to slow down. They don’t seem to think. Which imo also say they dint think/care about me (I have a chronic illness so me being unable to walk faster is well known and had been for years!). I also think this is a typically misogynist attitude (I am above you and you have to follow type of attitude) as I know for a fact DH will never do that to his (Male) friends and will adapt his speed to theirs.
The crossing the road wo a backward glance? I would be absolutely furious, it is Sooo disrespectful.

You need a chat @fit4more. One where he will be made to understand how disrespectful he is.

DH does this!! I feel quite hurt when he does and this is translated into anger.

Although it is kind of nice to hear there are others dealing with it and I’m not the only one stuck with an inconsiderate unromantic pain in the neck to walk with

I’m certain he’s trying to make a point, just not sure what it could be.

They are trying to the make the point that they are the Alpha male and leader of their pack.

They are fitter and stronger than the lowly females and children who must scurry along behind.

Urgh.

You're going to have to grab him and physically hold on whether he likes it or not. Forcibly arm in arm, as it were.
MIL was like this with FIL - she was very energetic, ten years older and always in a rush. Poor FIL had a dicky knee, a walking stick and had to take his time. She would pause by a big road and they'd cross together. DH remarked on this and asked, "You'd walk with me wouldn't you, when we get old?" Of course.

Someone I know used to hurtle across roads or leap out of cars without waiting for everyone else to gather themselves together. Now they're unable to walk far due to age/disability and pretty reliant on their loved ones (the ones they left for dust years ago) to push their wheelchair around.

My mother and brother do this. My mother is incapable of walking any slower than a frantic sprint. They even do it when they have no idea where they are going, then wait impatiently for me on the street corner, then once I tell them if it’s left or right they go haring off again. I find it so rude. I’ve started waiting until they march ahead then either turning off the road and walking a different way or going home again.

My dh does this. It fucking infuriates me. I don't think it's malicious, just he's used to striding around on building sites all day so forgets to alter his pace. He is no longer allowed to push the trolley in the supermarket because he fucks off with it.

I shout him back after a few minutes and make him wait. If I am particularly fucked off I ask him if he is some middle eastern sultan and we are his harem walking 10 steps behind at all times.

I usually get my own back on sundays when he insists on wearing nice trainers for a dog walk and has to tiptoe round puddles while me and ds stride on purposefully in boots.

I get this a lot and am continuing to push him to work on it. A couple out together should walk side by side, companionable if the pavement permits. He often walks as if I'm not there, steering towards a bollard so I have to dodge it, crossing my path in front of my like a bad driver cutting in so I have to stop dead, barging through gaps first, etc. It's so rude and disrespectful!

I take his arm as often as possible, but he has needed lessons in escort manners for ages. He can do it when he tries. 🤷‍♀️

A few years ago there was a discussion about this in a different forum. They referred to them as "losters". So basically (usually) a man would walk faster or even try to lose their partner. Like basically the might get off the the tube without saying a word. I think it was analysed as enjoying the control. This way they are the alpha since they are making their herd to follow them.

God so many excuses here - he’s tall, he forgets to alter his pace, he can’t shorten his stride, he might want to use the loo at home....

No - it’s just a lack of respect

Tip: make sure the car keys/house keys are in your pocket/bag, not his. Wherever he rushes off to, he's still going to have to find you or wait for you. 😉

My ex did this and I found it utterly infuriating and very disrespectful. I'm the same height as him and tend to walk very fast anyway so there was no excuse. Was especially bad in the early days pre DC when we lived in a dodgy part of London and he would charge on ahead when coming home after a night out leaving me to essentially walk alone the worse for wear.

I’m certain he’s trying to make a point, just not sure what it could be. He wants you to follow him around like an obedient little lapdog. When I see it it makes me so sad. My abusive ex used to make me walk behind him with my eyes down just looking at his feet so I knew where to walk and didn't look at other people.

I don't understand the "longer stride" or rushing around their workplace. I'm forever running around at work and I have a longer stride than our 3 children (4 and under) but I manage to slow down for them. My partner also walks with me, usually he likes to hold my hand too, because he loves me and enjoys my company and talking to me.

Walking slowly drives me insane, can't quite put a finger on why