to think it's weird to be unable to do ANYTHING on your own?

[onceandneveragain]

met a friend to go Christmas shopping today (which reminded me why I normally do everything online ) and in one shop overheard a family who appeared to be arguing about something. Husband (assume) said to wife "Well why don't you go back and wait in the car then?" to which she replied "Oh no, I can't you know how embarrassing I find going somewhere on my own." She then appeared to be nagging one of their DC to go with her so she didn't have to walk on her own.

I mentioned to my friend this was weird, and she says her mother is exactly the same - said she always waited for her DH to go shopping with her on the weekend even though she didn't work at all in the week because she wouldn't go on her own. If she and my friend go anywhere my friend has to pick her up because her mum won't travel there on her own - not because she doesn't like driving but because she 'doesn't like to think what people are thinking about her if she's standing around waiting on her own.'

Thinking about it I remembered another friend I have who always moans about the cost of parking when we go places because she will refuse to take public transport on her own. If she is first to arrive somewhere she sits in her car rather than going inside to the cinema/pub wherever until someone else arrives.

Both my friend, and other friends mum, are really sociable, confident etc. No anxiety issues that I know of (I know you can never tell). They just HATE being on their own in public.

Is this normal? Is it (based on my very small sample of three) solely a female thing? I understand why people might not want to, for example, travel abroad alone. I can even sort of understand it when people say they don't like eating out, or going to the cinema on their own, although if you're not lucky enough to have a partner/friends who like the same things as you it's a bit life-limiting. But not being able to walk a few metres back to the car park on your own is odd, surely?

If I followed those rules I wouldn't have been able to meet my friend at all, forget carry on browsing for a little while once she'd left - let alone all the other things I have to/have chosen to do alone, from travelling for work to seeing shows when nobody want to come with me. Should I be more embarrassed about my lonely wanderings?

Yep my MIL is like that. Seems horrified at the fact I’ll go to a coffee shop all on my own without my husband 🙄

Yep, I'm sorry for my earlier post too. I've learnt something reading PPs posts explaining why they can't/won't do things alone.

If I didn’t do things on my own I’d never do anything. I don’t have masses of friends and my husband works crazy hours. I wouldn’t spend an evening in the pub on my own, but I’ll go in and sit with a drink whilst waiting for others.

I'm very much like @dontgobaconmyheart - I have an invisible medical condition that makes going out at all incredibly difficult for me (and even at home I struggle to function a lot of the time). I'm on umpteen medications and am under two consultants but nothing has made much difference. I try to do as much as I can and to be as normal as I can for my son's sake, but most days I'm not well enough to cope with busy environments like shops on my own and need my long-suffering DH to hang on to. I had to do school runs on my own throughout primary because he was at work and it was sheer hell. I can manage quiet local dog walks on my own on good days, but that's about it - I have a tiny little life and it's miserable. I always wanted to travel, I was a keen long-distance walker, but I lost it all overnight, 24 years ago. People probably do think I'm weird, but there's not much I can do about that.

I suffer from anxiety and panic attacks as well so I do understand, for me it manifests itself in other ways. I appreciate how debilitating it can be.

@SonEtLumiere the OP overheard a stranger's conversation, my comment was aimed toward that really, as it seemed harsh to judge the woman without knowing why she was unable to be on her own.

I think not doing something by yourself must always be rooted in anxiety/fear - fear of the unknown if it's unfamiliar, fear of other's judging, fear of doing something 'wrong'?

I don't think the OP is talking about people who suffer from anxiety or medical conditions.

She is talking about somebody who thinks they will look like Jonny No Mates if they walk to the car on their own. That is strange.

It seems to an age-related thing. My mother-in-law was absolutely horrified when I first got together with my now husband when she found out that I regularly drove from London to Bristol by myself, spent the weekend with family and drove back again. It hadn't even occurred to me before that someone could think that in the slightest bit odd!

Fast forward 25 years and she is bring driven to distraction by her husband because they live in each other's pockets and never ever do anything separately. She gave up driving because he never 'let her' drive and now has no independent existence at all.

You say they don't have anxiety issues, but to me this is a type of phobia. They might not have anxiety in other situations, but have a specific phobia of this. I don't feel (or run away in) the same way in everyday life as I do in the presence of a wasp.

I have an aunt like this. She irks me. She acts as though she'll melt if you ask her to do anything. Annoyinggggg-ah!

Anxiety disorders.

I can understand waiting in the car whilst waiting for friends to arrive and not going into a pub or the cinema but I can’t say I think it’s totally out of the ordinary for people to not feel comfortable/confident enough to make a journey on their own as there might be underlying social anxiety issues.

It sounds horrific to live like that. Without going as far as the extreme case, I have seen quite a few women who will not go to a bar or restaurant on their own, but will wait at the door for someone of their party to arrive. Why can't they wait at their booked table is beyond me.

I've also a lot of panicked comment about being in London, which is SOOO dangerous . Well, it's a big city, but still.

I wouldn't go on holiday on my own though, I could, but I just don't want to. I'll be bored.

OP seems to be describing “what will people think of me if I’m alone” and less about social anxiety.
Is it a case of people that like to keep up appearances?

My boss used to do everything with and for his wife even fill up her car with petrol as she couldn't manage it. One day he dropped dead of a heart attack and unable to manage even the simplest task alone she jumped off a tall building and died.
It was tragic but it made me realise how very important it is to be independent.

Mr Apples asked an Aunt of the happy couple at a wedding if she was driving to a place she mentioned earlier in the conversation. Her bizarre answer was ‘I’m not married“ ... he repeated the question thinking she must have misheard. No. Apparently you don’t drive to far flung parts of the Uk if you don’t have a Husband.

I just remembered a thread - not sure if it was deleted for being a fake or not

the OP was hugely embarrassed at the idea of being seen mowing her own lawn - because what will the neighbours say, and OMG a single woman living there!
Apparently it was mortifying to be known as a single woman, dealing with her own garden...

madcatladyforever
it took that tragedy for you to realise?

I like my own company, and prefer to shop on my own. One of my favourite things is to go to a coffee shop, and have lunch/read a magazine by myself. I have friends who think I am really weird for that, and who wouldn’t wait alone at a table in a restaurant if they arrived first.

I met a former colleague for lunch a few weeks ago (in his 60s, recently retired) and he deliberately arrived early so there was no chance I would have to wait for him on my own. I was quite surprised but thought it was really sweet if him.

OP, I'm sure you wrote this with the best of intentions, but YABU.

If I could change the events of one evening, which I could have done with, non-existent hindsight, then life would be easier.

I am not the person who now needs help to achieve daily tasks, but I live with the knowledge that some people do. Please don't minimise this, which I'm sure isn't your intention.

It’s not always to do with anxiety, don’t know why people jump on that all the time. It just gets used to shut down conversations.

Some people just see being on your own as negative, sad, etc and are worried that people think less of them like a Billy no mates.

They don’t seem to get that no one gives a fuck what other people are doing and whether they’re doing it alone or with someone!

Blimey, I'd never buy any food if I couldn't go anywhere by myself. The only time I have is when the DC are at school and DH is at work.

I’m happy to go anywhere and everywhere on my own but one of my friends finds this really weird and can’t understand why I would, she’s the sort of person who needs a lot of reassurance and attention whereas I’m a more just get on with things type of person.

I think if someone has anxiety or PTSD as a PP described it’s completely understandable. But I think what the OP describes is someone feeling embarrassed about walking somewhere on their own, as though someone’s going to look at them and laugh that is really odd. Like walking on your own is like sitting down for a meal in a restaurant or a bar on your own (not I think you should be embarrassed about that either if you fancy a nice meal by yourself, but I think it’s more ‘normal’ to feel self conscious in that situation). But self-conscious walking alone from a to b? As if that’s not what lots of other people are doing? Bizarre.