Like my boss, now what?

[FlixAndChill]

Hi Mumsnet

Long time lurker, occasional poster, name changed for obvious reasons... see below.

I was not exposed to the realities of life growing up. I was born abroad and we had house staff, I went to a great school... at one point I even had a chauffeur and a bodyguard. I know, sounds surreal.

I came to the UK and attended a private school. I met great people, I dated nice people - all private school boys with rich parents to put it bluntly. I then took on a professional job where it was the same type of people again.

I wanted to do something different and took a job in a small business. The MD who I report to is like no one I ever met before. He is only a few years older than me but so mature for his age. He went to a local school with lower class parents. He talks about the world as he sees it. He swears a lot like... I think you are f... awesome. Etc.

Now, he thinks I’m a snob. I really am not. He thinks that I’m only nice to him because he’s my boss. I told him again and again that I’m here because I want to work for him. We clashed. And I realise that I really like him in a romantic way.

In my mind, he is that real down to earth person, the genuine thing. Am I deluded?

Well no, but it's all irrelevant. You've the hots for your boss. Does he fancy you?

Well. Two things. You are not deluded and yes you could tell him. But it could wreck your working relationship and mean you start to feel like you need to leave your job. What is more important to you? What is the size of the company as well as some have strict rules about employee relationships, or at least are not very happy about it

He thinks that I’m only nice to him because he’s my boss. I told him again and again that I’m here because I want to work for him. We clashed.

this is a rather odd conversation to have with your boss.

He sounds unprofessional at best, and a bully. Sounds like he is “negging” you, which isn’t a good sign.

Presumably you had work reasons to take the job: those could be compromised hugely if you shag the head of the company.

If you want to pursue your work reasons, behave professionally.

If you want to date him, get a new job elsewhere first! So that when it goes wrong your work and earnings are not affected.

Anyone else has 'common people' ringing in their ears?

You literally need to grow up, go volunteer in a homeless shelter for a few months, go volunteer in a food bank.. read some books...

Forget him - he's a twat - playing games - sees you as naive and someone he can control.

He's deffo on a power trip and he loves watching you squirm.

Anyone else has 'common people' ringing in their ears?

Yes!

Thank you all, I’m really touched my your comments.

1. My job earnings do not even dent my outgoings. So, no I don’t need the job. I applied for this one job because it is a unique business in a field that I am passionate about. @MarieG10 there are so such rules.

1. @Texaspie I have volunteered with the homeless before and I am hands-on with a number of charities which are close to my heart.

1. @SonEtLumiere I am not a snob and I have dealt with all types of people just not on a personal level. He said that while I have learnt to work with his ego, I need to be nicer to the junior staff and bear their feelings in mind. He may be right and I have worked on it.

1. @losingthepl0t we have these conversations then he will add... it’s not personal. So I don’t think that he sees me this way.

1. @LilyPinkNoah

Yes this does remind me of the song Common People lol

OP you love your job?

Then what happens if you tell him you like him he like you. You date and it ends in disaster?

You prepared to find a new job?

OP, stop fetishising proles. We’re not a human zoo for you to give rein to your liking for a bit of swearing and imagining actually shagging someone who went to a ‘local school’ and has ‘lower class parents’.

He might not want to get involved with a woman with money and brains.. Men can be funny about things like that.

‘Lowe class parents’ is such an odd phrase. Is that what you think of people?

You lost me somewhat at lower class parents.

So you specifically want this job in this one company because it’s such a niche market, correct?

You need to work out what is more important, the job or a potential relationship with a bloke, who may be negging you.

Gosh, I would say have some class. But I fear I am a prole and thus ill equipped to judge.

You definitely sound like a snob to me. Is English your first language? 'Lower class' is a very snobby, patronising phrase.

Lower class parents? Dearie me. Poor man.

So many people with romantic interests in colleagues these days. I must be unlucky, there's no-one remotely crush-worthy where I work.

Not sure I'd want to get involved with someone who described my parents as lower class. Sounds like he's got your measure.

@MsRomanoff I absolutely love my job. I almost left because of an argument we had. He told me that even if I left, he wanted me to know that I have changed him. Then I decided to stay and I want to stay. I won’t tell him I fancy him... I’m old fashioned in certain ways.

@Gallivespian sorry I didn’t mean to come across this way... although I do fantasise how it would be shagging him.

@JoObrien7 I know... He needs to feel in control. I don’t give him that in the work place although I have got better I think! In real life, I don’t think he would like to be with me.

@actionhasmagic It was only a description to explain why he is different, I didn’t mean to offend.

‘Lowe class parents’ is such an odd phrase. Is that what you think of people

And most of your op is irrelevant. You could just as easily have summed it up by saying you come from a very privileged background. But all the unnecessary detail makes you sound very self obsessed.

You could stop using the term 'lower class' for starters

MsRomanoffI absolutely love my job. I almost left because of an argument we had. He told me that even if I left, he wanted me to know that I have changed him. Then I decided to stay and I want to stay. I won’t tell him I fancy him... I’m old fashioned in certain ways.

But you didnt answer the question. You date, it goes horribly wrong. Would you be willing to leave your niche job?

OP, whether you want to admit it or not. You are a snob. People who arenr snobs dont call people 'lower class'.

I worked my way up to director in my employers company. Most of of the directors used the do the manual job, that ny company provides and worked their way up. Some are privately educated, came in a higher lever, always had well paid jobs etc.

Not one person ever speaks like you, despite having huge differences in backgrounds

You may not think its snobby, because you arent meaning to be derogatory. But all the the same, its snobby.

I suggest you spend less time day dreaming about him and more time working o how you come across to normal people.

"He thinks I'm only nice to him because he's my boss", "he wanted me to know that I had changed him" - who for the love of all that's holy has these types of conversations with their boss

You need to grow up, approach work in a professional, non Netflix movie of the week way. Should you feel that there is a basis for a relationship there, you need to be a grown up, stop talking in cliches, have a conversation. I do agree that you are fetishising his background, the way he talks, his mannerisms, its insulting.

If I were you I'd be a bit more concerned that your boss had to talk to you about how you spoke to other people in work and less concerned about day dreaming about your boss.

OP, it does rather sound like you like this man for what he represents than for himself. He sounds pretty much like most of the men I work with to be honest. State educated people with “lower class” parents are not a rare breed!