Like my boss, now what?

[FlixAndChill]

Hi Mumsnet

Long time lurker, occasional poster, name changed for obvious reasons... see below.

I was not exposed to the realities of life growing up. I was born abroad and we had house staff, I went to a great school... at one point I even had a chauffeur and a bodyguard. I know, sounds surreal.

I came to the UK and attended a private school. I met great people, I dated nice people - all private school boys with rich parents to put it bluntly. I then took on a professional job where it was the same type of people again.

I wanted to do something different and took a job in a small business. The MD who I report to is like no one I ever met before. He is only a few years older than me but so mature for his age. He went to a local school with lower class parents. He talks about the world as he sees it. He swears a lot like... I think you are f... awesome. Etc.

Now, he thinks I’m a snob. I really am not. He thinks that I’m only nice to him because he’s my boss. I told him again and again that I’m here because I want to work for him. We clashed. And I realise that I really like him in a romantic way.

In my mind, he is that real down to earth person, the genuine thing. Am I deluded?

Regardless of all the class stuff shagging your boss is never a good idea.

State educated people with “lower class” parents are not a rare breed. 😂😂

“ He sounds unprofessional at best, and a bully. Sounds like he is “negging” you, which isn’t a good sign.”

FFS! 😂

@Medievalist sorry this was insensitive. I meant to write working class.

It's actually a bit cheap and sleazy to shag your boss or even to fantasise about shagging your boss. One might even regard it as lower class. If he wasn't in a position of power, if he was the IT technician and not the boss, would you fancy him?

• He thinks that I’m only nice to him because he’s my boss. I told him again and again that I’m here because I want to work for him. We clashed.

this is a rather odd conversation to have with your boss.*

This. How very odd

How on earth are you speaking to junior staff? That's not painting you in a very nice light at all. It sounds as though you've been raised to feel that money is the key to superior status. Yuck.

Are you writing a book?

I used to have a boss where we would have deep and meaningful private converstations. He taught me loads, he changed me. We are still close friends now. Nothing romantic or imaging us having sex. I could call him a dickhead (in private) when he was acting like one. He also likes to be in control but was sometimes wrong. We were close because we would call eachother out on doing the wrong thing.

I never once said 'you have changed me'. Usually it was 'I'll think about your advice' or 'yeah I know I can handle it, I just needed reminding'.

This is all very weird. Even for someone who has been close with their boss.

"sorry this was insensitive. I meant to write working class."

Dear lord. I'd probably avoid pigeon holing people into classes altogether if you want to get somewhere.

What is your actual problem though? Why would dating this man make you deluded? Are you worried you will get bored of him? Mummy and Daddy won't like him? He is just in it for your bundles of cash? Midlife crisis?

It sounds like you're falling for someone. Why does it matter what privilege they have?

Lower class?
Bugger off with that.

Actually, shouldn’t swear, you’ll want to be my new bestie

@Gallivespian has it.

Could you be any more patronising?

Also - though I’m coming from the side of the “lower” class, I have a fair few (what? “better”?) friends who would be irritated by you lumping them in as not “real”.

Maybe get a therapist to help you deal with your upbringing hang ups, instead of trying to date your way out of them?

He calls you a snob because he doesn't know how to deal with your privilege? Or because you behave in a snobbish manner? There's a huge difference.

Either way though, this is your workplace- you need to keep it professional. There are literally millions of other people in the world to choose from.

The fact he had to tell you to be nicer to the junior staff speaks volumes about your behaviour.

What is the niche job? You could probably do it somewhere else

You have to leave and remove the 'boss' and then see if there is any chance

Why are you not nice to the junior staff? You are all just cogs in a wheel with the same aim of getting the job done. You might come from different backgrounds but that doesn't make you any better or worse than anyone you work for. You're there to do a job. You're not doing anyone a favour by gracing them with your presences. Just get on with the work and respect your colleagues.

I think you fancy this nan because he's a bit different to what you're used to. Nothing wrong with that. But the conversations you have seem a bit "off". I have had excellent relationships with bosses and have never had these types of conversations. Maybe you've been a bit sheltered all your life and don't understand how the real world works, bit you are there to do a job. Get on with the work and leave the heart to hearts for personal relationships outside work (not with your boss!)

You are the odd one out in your workplace. Maybe try to fit in a bit better with your (common) colleagues. The more (common) people you meet the less intriguing your boss will appear to you.

If you want to see how it goes... you could just smile and hold his hand?

@Medievalist sorry this was insensitive. I meant to write working class.

Why talk about class at all?

Mn seems to have a disproportionate number of people fancying their colleague and needing answer on how to approach them.
Either that or a few Mills and Boon authors.

I’m trying to analyse this and to be honest... I don’t understand it 100% myself. I think it’s the first time that I have been in such close proximity to a man like him. I don’t think I would have gone for the IT guy, it’s the fact that he has authority as well.

I genuinely do not know how to meet more people like him!

There's a lot of threads by first time posters who've got crushes on someone at work. It's almost as if someone's trying out their novel-writing skills on unsuspecting Mumsnetters...

I don't think he's attracted to you. Anyone who treats junior staff badly with no concern for their feelings as he has pulled you up for is never an attractive prospective partner sorry

It’s all a bit Lady Chatterley for me. Foul mouthed working class bloke and privileged lady.

How old are you? You sound sheltered, is this a first job? Which other relationships have you had?

You should be comfortable in your own skin about these differences and wear them lightly in life as in the office. People are people, whoever they are and whatever their background. Your background seems to define you and you are holding it close, unwittingly your manner may well be jarring.

I'm getting visions of you at work being like The Simple Life.

OP, I think you’re over-thinking all this tbh. I don’t mean this to be patronising, but are you still quite young? Workplace dynamics can be weird thing because you work in close proximity to people you might not otherwise give the time of day to. Your background is irrelevant. We all have different backgrounds which we bring to bear in the present and nobody cares. All this waffle about liking him because he says, “You’re f awesome,” well, that will wear thin very quickly and makes him sound a bit of a jumped -up, silly little man to be perfectly frank. I think you need to just get over the whole “class” nonsense because it’s all in your head and most people don’t give a hoot.

Anyway, none if this even matters. If you’ve got a crush on this man, or any other man for that matter, then that’s that - it is what it is. Just go with it. Try and stay professional. Don’t make a fool of yourself. If it’s reciprocated, he’ll ask you out or make his feelings known in the course of time. Leave him to it. What else can you do really?