To say something how they eat

[disneyconfusion]

Going on holiday with my PIL for 2 weeks...

we saw them tonight and we were all at the table having some food and while I already knew my MIL eats loudly (think a lot of lip smacking and loud finger suckings, honestly it's OTT) because I spend a lot of time with her, my FIL was even worse!

They were both making the most atrocious noises, it was honestly quite shocking... my DP was looking at me like 'OMG' because people eating loudly does annoy him anyway and this was particularly extreme.

My ex husband also eats like this too.

I can understand that maybe you don't notice if you're always living and eating alone and I might gobble a bit if I'm hungry and alone but when I'm around other people I'm conscious that I'm eating quietly out of respect for them... not in an unnatural or uncomfortable way but just polite.

I think that this will drive me absolutely insane on holiday and not to mention I think i will feel a bit embarrassed if they eat like this in public which I'm assuming they do because my MIL has always eaten like this when I've see her.

AIBU to ask them to eat with their mouths closed and quieter?

My dh is a loud eater. I put it partly down to his large mouth and jaw. He makes a hell of a racket just crunching strawberries. Dd otoh can eat them and be quiet as a mouse. My mother and SIL have jaw clicking issues and mother always hits her glasses on her cup drinking. I have misophonia. Dh also used to chew a lot of gum in front of me until I went crazy one day. Now he sucks on an e cigarette and it makes a loud, horrible burny sound. I try not to scream!!

Ex mil wont eat in front of people but to "encourage" the children she sits with an empty plate and fork pretending to eat saying nom nom nom mmmmmm yum yum yum which is fucking annoying even without the empty chin scratches and scritching noise she makes

I couldn't deal with two weeks of that.

The last few weeks, DH has taken to slapping and patting his soggy rice krispies around and about between every spoon he slurps into his gob.

If it carries on, I am going to bloody kill him.

Firstly though, I am going to take video footage of him doing it. That way when the news headline appears "milk covered middle aged man found strangled to death with dessert spoon shoved up arse", there will be footage to accompany the article that shows some mitigating circumstances.

My mum talks with her mouth full and sometimes I say 'sorry I can't hear what you're saying as you have food in your mouth'. It always goes down badly and she get grumpy and offended. She often complains that others have bad table manners - ha!

Seriously 2 weeks with your in laws on holiday sounds bad enough, but with horrible eaters don't do it to yourself!

DH was a tyrant about table manners when our DC were little but his have deteriorated alarmingly! His party trick is repeatedly reloading fork or spoon to add more and more to his mouth, pushing the food into a distended cheek pouch like a #&*^+ hamster. Then he starts to talk through it!

I have taken to saying, "I'm perfectly happy to wait and hear what you're trying to say properly when you've swallowed that mouthful."

That makes it about me, not him, which helps him accept it. Mimicking him without comment when it gets really bad can have an impact, too.

You cannot say a thing to PiL: not a thing. Your DH can; certainly to his mother.

If it gets crazily bad, imitating them might pull them up short, especially if you end with openly picking your nose and wiping it on the tablecloth next to your plate...

Good luck!

Or, "Shall I ask the waiter to bring you a shovel for that?"

Crikey, this thread is a revelation to me, I don't know anyone who eats like this. Thank heavens, it would be very stressful. I've no recommendations for teaching adults basic table manners though. Sounds like your in laws were dreamt up by Roald Dahl.

FIL’ hums whilst he eats. It infuriates me and makes me feel ill 😂

I went out with a girl that did this, not the nom nom thing, but a low pitched hum. First meal out and off she went. I stopped eating and started looking around. She asked me what was wrong. I said here we are having a nice meal and some tosser in here is humming.

It didn't last.

I dont know anyone who eats like this but jeez what an intolerant bunch you are. No-ones perfect.

@BlackCherryBliss that made me laugh out loud

OP unfortunately i think this is up to your DP to tackle. But you have my sympathy I used to share an office with a guy like this and it used to make me feel queasy hearing it. (And at least I could put my headphones in and try to cover the noise, I honestly don't think I could have stood having to make polite conversation and eat my own food to that soundtrack).

I suggest trying to find some of those, normally really annoying, restaurants that play music too loud. Or maybe deliberately wind up your children before sitting down to eat - screaming, crying children is surely a preferable sound and I'm sure in years to come they'll understand you were only doing what you had to.

Also @NarwhalsNarwhals that is possibly the best dating advice I've ever heard!

@sarcelle (and for the OP)
Here is the link;

www.amazon.co.uk/Senner-TravelPro-protection-container-especially/dp/B077N548NY?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

I mislabelled them earlier as headphones, in fact they are just ear buds, they look rather insignificant, but they work for me. 😃

I have this version to wear at noisy airports and restaurants, and another version for sleeping in.

@NarwhalsNarwhals

Wise woman, your mother.

Many years ago I worked in a large company and a friend of mine had a major crush on this guy in the office.

He was a lovely fellow, very pleasant and cute to look at.

She had the hots for him for months and I was listening to it all.

After about 9 months there was some company night out that involved food, and you know what's coming next!

She was cured of him.
Mouth open while he ate was all it took to completely kill her months of lust for him.

Table manners are terribly important.

I dont know anyone who eats like this but jeez what an intolerant bunch you are. No-ones perfect

I don't think anyone is expecting perfect. There's a happy medium somewhere between perfect and eating like a farm animal.
It's disgusting. I just refuse to eat with people like this.

My PILs ate in a disguisting manner - well, FUL has passed now and he was the worst offender. Unfortunately dh was obv brought up with them and while nowhere near as bad, his eating habits could be better.
Maybe it won’t be too bad in your hols as it will be loud restaurant/hotel dining area? Def worse when there’s no background noise.

My mum is the same, she eats on her front teeth as she has no back ones and won't wear her bridge so it's all "homnomnyommomnom" with every mouthful. Makes me feel ill. Solved it somewhat by never eating in silence with her.

She also has an irritatingly repetitive way of breathing. By that I mean it's " "whoohehoo" (type of whistle) breath breath... "whoohehoo". .. Breath breath... " on repeat. It gets stuck in your head and is very annoying.

I just can't be near her when a room is silent

I feel sick just reading this. I don’t know what I would do tbh. Maybe say something in a jokey way that they’re so noisy.

My DH is really hard on the kids if they eat with their mouths open or talk with food in their mouths but he is the noisiest eater going. His lips are
closed but he eats really fast and ‘chomps’ the food. I can’t stand it when he eats near me but if I say anything he says I’m being ridiculous. I really want to film him and play it back so he can hear what we hear! I might show him this thread.

My ex MIL would eat like an animal. Spraying food around as she talked, slurping and eating with her mouth wide open. It used to make me feel so ill.

My mil smacks her lips, BIL says yummy yummy during most meals, my dog makes less noise than fil - he also has an underlying hum to accompany open mouthed swilling and slobbering. We don't have meals together
I accept that I have misphonia, but it's also about basic manners

This is why I’m constantly nagging my children to eat nicely. Once this habit is learned it’s so difficult to break.

My husbands jaw clicks when he chews. At hormonal moments I want to punch him in it 😳

Put a radio on

But I also wanted to say this idea that we should eat quietly is cultural - in my DHs culture noisy eating and talking is expected

Could you find an excuse to film you all eating dinner together? Maybe if they could see for themselves how they look they would be inspired to change?

Are they nice people OP? It all seems a bit mean IMO. Whilst you may not approve and think your manners are heads and shoulders above theirs; the holiday doesn't exist for you solely, they are also enjoying a holiday. Expecting them to adapt their behaviours on your say so or thinking you are the one that needs to give them a (shaming) lesson in manners - hardly reflects well. Leave them to it and eat separately? Try and enjoy their company at other times and stop forming judgements.

Your DP surely is used to his own parents too.

I don't get it on here sometimes, it seems to just turn into a game of trying to impress and/or amuse by how 'wittily' you would allegedly insult someone if it were you- or how you'd simply 'fuck that' I'd cancel my entire holiday over it (as if) or insult them to their face to the high heavens (again, I'd like to see how many do this IRL because I would imagine you'd be universally disliked by now). What would you all do if you had to eat at a table with somebody who wasn't able bodied or who had difficulty eating? Would that also be unbearable?

Yes, it's not nice OP but be kind, try to ignore and avoid.

My partner's was a knife licker until I went berserk one day. He now refrains in my presence. He does however love to declare my table manner expectations loudly to his family usually while / after they have just been eating in a way that I can't stand. Cue the sheepish looks... It makes me cringe and feel like Hyacinth Bouquet.

My sister does this. You can't sit next to her because she will elbow you in the side when she's flapping up and down.

My brother and niece are elbowers; I just say "elbows down please".

On a flight last year, I feared for my nose, the woman next to me had her elbows so high! I was in the brink of saying something but luckily she stopped.