To say something how they eat

[disneyconfusion]

Going on holiday with my PIL for 2 weeks...

we saw them tonight and we were all at the table having some food and while I already knew my MIL eats loudly (think a lot of lip smacking and loud finger suckings, honestly it's OTT) because I spend a lot of time with her, my FIL was even worse!

They were both making the most atrocious noises, it was honestly quite shocking... my DP was looking at me like 'OMG' because people eating loudly does annoy him anyway and this was particularly extreme.

My ex husband also eats like this too.

I can understand that maybe you don't notice if you're always living and eating alone and I might gobble a bit if I'm hungry and alone but when I'm around other people I'm conscious that I'm eating quietly out of respect for them... not in an unnatural or uncomfortable way but just polite.

I think that this will drive me absolutely insane on holiday and not to mention I think i will feel a bit embarrassed if they eat like this in public which I'm assuming they do because my MIL has always eaten like this when I've see her.

AIBU to ask them to eat with their mouths closed and quieter?

[billy1966]

I consider nice table manners a gift I have given my children.

I have been very insistent as they have grown up.
Sitting at the table properly.
Obviously using cutlery properly.
Closed mouth.
Silent eating.
Elbows off the table at your sides.
No scraping of plates.
Excuse me leaving the table and thanks for the meal.
Chair in.

If the above is not learnt in the early years, it is clearly very difficult to learn as an adult.

My parents were so fussy re our table manners, it has made me very squeamish when I come across a noisy, open mouth.🤢

[ffswhatnext]

Although I do really sympathise, some of these are funny.

[billy1966]

I think this is a big issue with a lot of women.

In "relationship deal breaker" lists.....awful table manners are right up there at the top.

[disneyconfusion]

@billy1966 that's brilliant! Its so important to raise children to eat properly... we do the same but had real difficulty with our older son... thankfully now the noises have stopped but he does gulp and tips the cup into mouth with his mouth fully open... honestly it's like someone tipping a bucket into a well! So irritating 😂

[Baxterbear]

Omg! CALL OFF THE HOLIDAY IMMEDIATELY!!! Yanbu chomping food is completely wrong and under no circumstances could I tolerate people eating so noisily!!

[Baxterbear]

My DP is a lovely person but sometimes, when he's eating cereal/soup/anything in a bowl, he will scrape the bowl so enthusiastically that it sound like he's banging a drum! I could cheerfully murder him with the sodding spoon quite often!

[billy1966]

@disneyconfusion👍

It really is.....I thought we had cracked it with ours.... beautiful table manners, always remarked upon in hotels, that they were beautifully mannered .. ...and then they (boys) really hit their teens and they realised it was a way to passively aggressively, totally drive us mad.(to fxxx with us)😲

Thankfully they grew out of it.🤪🤣

I honestly believe good table manners are a life skill one teaches one's children.

It certainly is a gift to their life partners 👍

[Winterwoollies]

I absolutely cannot bear this. It makes my skin crawl and gives me rage at the same time. I was on a packed commuter train to the city for work the other day and a beautifully turned out woman sitting behind me proceeded to spend the entire 1.5-hour journey laying out her breakfast. It was in a selection of tubs and flasks. She constantly banged my chair as she messed about on the tray, clanging and clicking and fussing. And that was before she started eating. She ate so loudly with her mouth wide open. She crunched, clacked, smacked her lips and slurped for the entire fucking time. It was disgusting. It sounded like she was crunching gravel at one point. I looked back and exchanged looks with the poor man sitting next to her. It was so lacking in awareness and disgusting. I guess she was raised by people who eat like your PIL and thinks it’s normal.

[disneyconfusion]

@Winterwoollies That's horrible!!! Urgh!

Ok just a theory... do we think this is an intelligence thing?

[NormaBean]

Just reading these have put me off my food. I’ve had very many meals out ruined by sitting next to someone with zero table manners.

My sister (who eats like a fucking dinosaur) suggested I get therapy for it. Surely it’d be easier for everyone else to just learn basic table manners?

[snowball28]

My dad eats like this, we call him the washing machine cause looking at him eat is literally like looking at an open washing machine on spin 🤢 me and my sibling fight to not have to sit next to him at Christmas!

No amount of speaking to him asks him to stop, we just insist on radio on at mealtimes and pick restaurants with loud music!

[billy1966]

@disneyconfusion

Intelligence has absolutely nothing to do with it IMO.

It is 💯% how you were reared.

That's why I absolutely believe it to be a zero tolerance life skill that parents have to teach.

My girls seemed to absorb table manners very easily, but my boys definitely resisted "the rules" and liked to wind me up.

I honestly believe it is very difficult to relearn how to eat nicely as an adult, hence its critical to teach them young.

As a slimming diet tool it's most effective🤣. I cease to taste my food and lose my appetite on the very few occasions I've come across it.

[Shodan]

One of the reasons I'm divorcing XH is because of his disgusting loud eating (and drinking!) habits.

A bonus was getting rid of my ILs, who were/are also noisy eaters with bad table manners. (The noisy apple eater didn't fall far from that tree)

I suppose it's a bit extreme in your situation though

I found there was no way to nicely tell people that their eating habits make you want to kill them slowly tbh, so I'd go with the earplugs or restaurants with loud music.

[Prawnofthepatriarchy]

I am dismayed to read several people commenting on how dreadful humming while you eat is. I have always done this.

DH and previous DPs have told me how endearing it is, and my family think it's sweet too. Good thing, as I don't think I could stop. My table manners are generally good.

[BillHadersNewWife]

Prawn seriously!? It's not sweet! It's abhorrent! Do you do it in public too?

[BadLad]

You're not being unreasonable, but I'm struggling to think of a way you can bring it up without offending them.

Offer to cover another table's tab if they come over and say how disgusting it is.

[disneyconfusion]

@Prawnofthepatriarchy how do you hum or more to the point why?

I can't even imagine people humming while they're eating 🧐

[Winterwoollies]

@disneyconfusion I’d have said “probably!” but for this woman. She just didn’t look like your average snorting, gulping shoveller.
Maybe my mum was strict but we never ate or drank in the street, we certainly didn’t snack on as-yet-unpaid-for food in the supermarket, elbows were never on the table and were kept down and to our sides, mouths were closed when chewing, cutlery and plates were not licked or scraped and cutlery was held properly. Another pet peeve!

[Prawnofthepatriarchy]

How do you hum or more to the point why?

Just a very faint buzz when I'm eating something I particularly like. Like a sleepy bee. I don't even know I'm doing it. I could presumably stop it if I knew I was doing it but I don't.

It's definitely linked to enjoyment -:like those little purring noises people make when you massage their shoulders (though those purrs are far louder).

As several people have told me they actively like it I'm not going to try to stop.

[Prawnofthepatriarchy]

I have recently been diagnosed with ASD and I wonder if that's relevant.

[Aaarrgghhh]

Why are people complaining about clicks jaws? Surely that can’t be helped. Admittedly I sometimes eat with my mouth open but for some reason I always struggled to breathe through my nose while eating (I’m better at it now). Maybe I’m lucky in that people eating doesn’t seem to annoy me but I think it’s because I’m good at drowning sounds out or we have the tv going so I guess you don’t hear much that way.