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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wibu to go to HR with this or am I overreacting?

40 replies

LivinLaVidaLoki · 22/11/2019 06:39

I've posted about issues that I have with my manager at work previously. However things are no better.
I sent an email to his manager and to be honest now, things are worse.
He and his manager have a longstanding working relationship and are quite close friends so I think this is affecting her ability to "manage" him.
Loads of the work that he does has fallen to me to do as hes just not done it, including arranging an induction plan for a new starter, and managing her work making sure she has stuff to do. That's just one example.
I raised this and other issues with his manager (including the way he talks about other members of staff) and just get told that's just the way he is.
He doesnt take comments or criticism at all (again that's just the way he is). He is new to our sector and he did a new procedure which he sent out for us to implement.
I very politely suggested he change some wording as the way it was worded leaves our organisation open to challenge. He refused. Not only has he refused, but he sent me a barrage of emails explaining why I was wrong.
So now he has cut me out of the process completely. I have two key areas of work and this is one of them. The new person is supporting this. He has now advised her that should she need help in this area she should go to the guy that used to have my job. Not me, the guy before me.
Also he had a meeting yesterday with changes he wants to make regarding the other key piece of work i have and I wasnt even invited.
For the first time in my whole working life yesterday I burst into tears. However I feel I've nowhere to go.

OP posts:
StreetwiseHercules · 22/11/2019 06:41

Honestly hard to tell from what you’ve posted. I hope it gets better for you.

HappyDinosaur · 22/11/2019 06:44

I can absolutely see why you are upset, I would definitely be taking this to HR before things go any further. YANBU.

Blueglaze · 22/11/2019 06:44

Can you request a meeting with both of them and document it? Then if nothing changes go to HR

Littlecaf · 22/11/2019 06:44

I’d definitely go to HR. It’s bullying.

AJPTaylor · 22/11/2019 06:49

By all means go to HR. Start looking for another job as well!

HeyNotInMyName · 22/11/2019 07:07

Bullying or protect8ng his arse because he knows he was in the worng...

SchadenfreudePersonified · 22/11/2019 07:11

It's bullying - but if he is giving people the wrong instructions, or sending out badly-worded documents that could leave the organisation open to criticism, and this is your area he;'s interfering in, this could all land on you if anything hits the fan.

Keep EVERY e-mail he sends - especially ones where you have tried to draw his attention to something you are concerned about and he has over-ridden you.

Go to HR.

EleanorReally · 22/11/2019 07:13

That sounds totally unfair
you can wash your hands of your previous responsibility at least.

Igmum · 22/11/2019 07:13

Join a union if you're not already a member. Look for another job. Document everything. Yes, go to HR but, from what you say, it looks like they won't do anything and you'd be better going elsewhere. Good luck OP. Hope it doesn't get too grim (yes, they will probably realise their mistake later but they still may not get rid of him) 💐💐

EleanorReally · 22/11/2019 07:14

but you need some clarification of your role now

Lunaballoon · 22/11/2019 07:23

Ultimately HR work for management, and it sounds like your management will close ranks against you.

I would still document your concerns with HR so there’s a record that your manager is potentially not working in the company’s best interests but also keep your options open with other jobs. Good luck!

SlightlyBonkersQFA · 22/11/2019 07:44

Straight to HR
Things sound so bad that you've gone past the point of maybe navigating your way around a misunderstanding.

LemonTT · 22/11/2019 07:53

Some of what you describe is possibly bullying and definitely bad management, on the line and senior managers part.

However, elements of this version of events indicate you are resistant to his decisions and management. You talk about the comments and criticism you make to him about his work. This sounds like a bit like a personality clash.

There is also resentment that he has delegated induction and training of the new staff member to you. Which may be the right thing to do if he was equally new. Followed by further resentment that he has now asked someone else to do this.

I would focus the list of concerns you have and focus on the impact they have on you. Don’t nitpick everything he has done. He isn’t expected to be perfect and he isn’t expected to do things the way you would. But he should be managing you better. Although I expect the senior manager told him that’s just the way you are. That’s really the big problem.

Northernparent68 · 22/11/2019 08:15

I’m sorry you’re going through a bad time, however criticising your manager to his face and then to his manager was never going to end well. If I were you I’d keep my head down and eventually this will blow ever.

PineappleDanish · 22/11/2019 08:16

Why do people think HR is some sort of independent conflict resolution service?

Boom45 · 22/11/2019 08:21

Make sure you're in a union. They will help if the shit really hits the fan - HR are there to protect the company, not the employees. Remember there is no legal aid for an employment tribunal but a union will pay for one if you need it.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 22/11/2019 08:22

Why do people think HR is some sort of independent conflict resolution service? I doubt anyone is that naive.

However reporting such issues to HR leaves the company with nowhere to go if incidents spiral. Alerting HR puts the company on official notice! HR are the legal arm of a company and can be relied upon to protect the companies interests. In this case, if OP is correct, then his leaving the company open to challenge should galvanise some response!

Original poster
LivinLaVidaLoki · 22/11/2019 08:24

Can I just clarify, I didnt criticise him. He sent me something and I suggested rewording a part of it as the wording doesnt comply with the legislation we are bound by and would leave us as an organisation open to challenge. I was trying to be helpful.
I have generally implemented the changes he has made and I really do try, but that one thing was not compliant within our sector.

OP posts:
Thehop · 22/11/2019 08:29

HR now

Make sure you’re in a union too

Hepsibar · 22/11/2019 08:32

I hope you are a member of a union as this will help give you some backing even if you dont involve them at first.

I think that you need to go to HR, although always remember companies have HR to keep themselves out of trouble ... they are not your friend ... but you do need to raise it taking as professional approach and detailing the issues.

I agree with the person who previously said the problem was more the manager's manager and this lack of professionalism and objectivity between them affecting the overall climate.

It's so sad. You always have constructive dismissal option if the bullying gets worse and you can find out more online or at Citizen's Advice (if there any still left) or from a local solicitor OR from the Union.

blueheaven97 · 22/11/2019 08:48

Can I just clarify, I didnt criticise him. He sent me something and I suggested rewording a part of it as the wording doesnt comply with the legislation we are bound by and would leave us as an organisation open to challenge. I was trying to be helpful.

When he replied to you with reasons that you were wrong, was he still wrong?

LemonTT · 22/11/2019 08:48

OP, I pointed out your use of the word criticism and essentially this is what you describe doing. To him, to his manager and on here. The criticism may be valid. However, the way you present things gives the impression of a personality clash. I agree your manager at fault because he is abusing his position. But the senior manager, who is most at fault here, will go with the personality issue. She has already done that.

What do you want to get out of this appointment with HR? In your position I would fish for a transfer or secondment. Get out without damaging yourself and let him die on his sword. Don’t go in with an aim to hurt him. Aim to get something positive for yourself which is a move.

itsAlmostXmas · 22/11/2019 08:50

Do you both have the same manager.

ReanimatedSGB · 22/11/2019 08:51

You've got an email trail showing that he made an error and refused to correct it - go to HR. You need this on record so that the incompetent prick can't dump the responsibility back on you.

Bluetrews25 · 22/11/2019 08:52

Get job hunting now.
HR is there for the company not the lowly workers.
Complaining about management will likely not get you anywhere and only cause you more grief and the bullying will ramp up.
It's so wrong, but you just need to cut and run.
Been there.