About international men’s day blog

[Pumpkinspicewhatever]

I work for a big bank. We have an active company intranet and various blogs go up at different points in the calendar from the great and the good of the company. Most recently for international men’s day.
This blogs opening gambit was “did you know 1 in 3 men have experienced domestic violence?” (And no source to back this up) followed by a fact about how suicide rates are 3x higher for men than women.
Now I have no problem in theory with international men’s day and the associated celebrating good male role models etc, which is the main thrust of what my company seems to be doing. But to lead with a fact about men being common victims of DV (I can’t find the 1 in 3 statistic from a quickish google) feels really blind and inappropriate. DV across the world is more a problem for women than men. Surely this is universally accepted? Can’t they lead with anything more positive for IMD than misrepresenting what is a devastating social problem (more so for women?)
Not sure, but this didn’t sit well with me. I wish they had led with something else. I’ve asked the writer to clarify their source as well.

Why can that only be done on International Men's Day?

Because IMD is when the focus is on men.

Because then we could look at the ways to combat male violence, which is pandemic in our society. I would also love to see toxic masculinity be routinely discussed in relation to how all men can help tackle the problem.*

This is what IMD does indirectly in encouraging men to talk about their problems. It's an awareness and advocacy day, it is intended to be supportive.

It sounds like you wish to see IMD be focused on dissecting the problematic behaviours of men. No awareness day has ever been used this way.

There is (rightly) lots of discussion about toxic masculinity generally currently, but it's not appropriate to use the only awareness raising day men get to do this.

Can't men decide for themselves what they talk about on IMD or should they run it past femimists first?

I would love to see what would happen on MN if men told women what to talk about on IWD.

Pumperthepumper

So.on IWD do you think that the problem of dv in lesbian relationships should be highlighted then?

So we should be talking about female perpetrators of crime on IWD?

This was in response to PBo83 saying the day should be used to highlight issues facing men. I don’t think it’s so controversial to point out that a massive issue facing men is male violence, and that a small portion of the day could acknowledge that. Because why not? Where else, which other day do men talk about the overwhelming problem of men being violent?

Hont I’ve asked already - do you think female violence is anywhere near as big a problem to society as a whole?

Pumperthepumper

I think it is entirely up to men what they want to talk about on IMD just as it's up to women what we talk about on IWD, unless you would like men to tell us what they think the biggest problems are for us to focus on on IWD?

The plain facts are;

40% of men have suffered domestic abuse. DA can be any kind of abuse, between any family members.
Men often make counter claims of abuse after inflicting violence on their partners. Women who abuse are most likely to do so in retaliation for domestic abuse or violence.

Men and women attempt suicide at the same rates. Men are usually more successful because they choose more violent methods.
women are most likely to attempt suicide withing 24 hours of attending A&E for domestic violence.

Men are most likely to be perpetrators.

There is a short list of things men could do to help themselves and other men;
Seek help if their mental health is suffering.
Seek help if they were victims of child sexual abuse.
Stop abusing women and children.
Tackle male violence, stop excusing or celebrating it, stop pretending its rare or doesn't happen or is someone else's problem.
Stop telling other men to man up.

Certain posters just need to admit they hate men and move along.

You've just told men to man up.

@Pumpkinspicewhatever

they chose to highlight it completely wrongly. They did not get the statistic correct and overrepresented the amount of men who have become victims of DV, to make a good headline.

For INTERNATIONAL Men’s Day you quoted a statistic from just part of the UK, then used that to justify bashing the event? Come on!

There are issues facing men that get next to no attention, funding, or policy to address - why is the existence of an event that focuses on these things such a bone of contention for some people?

Life isn’t a box of chocolates for men either and, societally, the emotional support is generally non-existent. Unless you’re pro-DV, then any DV is a bad thing. Find the most anti-men male-DV-victim statistic you can and give the issue THAT much attention, and it will be an improvement.

@Pukkatea

It does seem that way doesn't it?

Male violence is talked about every day, in police stations, courtrooms, refuge shelters, message boards, etc. It isn't starving for attention.

It seems quite spiteful to want to use the one day a year that is set aside for celebrating men to 'talk about' about male violence, i.e. 'your gender is the problem, what are you going to do about it?'.

Frankly I think you have no interest in supporting male victims or men at all, and you just want them to be constantly reminded, every day of the year, that they are the 'bad guys'.

If anyone here does want to do something to help then CALM has a movement against suicide. Although the majority of victims are men, suicide is an issue that affects women too. A good friend of mine's mum committed suicide a few years ago.

www.thecalmzone.net/2019/11/join-the-movement-against-suicide-this-international-mens-day/

By supporting this amazing charity you could be helping people at their lowest ebb.

Also next time International Women's Day some idiot asks when is International Men's Day you can tell them its November and you supported a charity dealing with suicide.

Frankly I think you have no interest in supporting male victims or men at all, and you just want them to be constantly reminded, every day of the year, that they are the 'bad guys'.

Hont, for the second time, I am responding to an idea put forward by another poster. What PB wanted was to highlight issues affecting men - of which male violence is a massive one. But he doesn’t seem to want to highlight that one, and I was asking why.

I think she is happy to highlight it, there just isn't a need to do it specifically on IMD.

Male violence affects both men and women, so could be raised at any time of year, whereas male victims of DV are by definition only men, so it's appropriate to raise that issue on a day focused on solely men.

@Hont1986

Spot on. No issue with discussing it but you seem intent on highlighting something negative on the one day meant to be supportive to men.

He suggested that the day should be used to highlight the issues affecting men.

Again, why not point out that men are so much more likely to be victims of violence by other men specifically?

There are a lot of initiatives now about men opening up about their feelings and MH; from Harry and William to footballers and rugby players, to musicians. Maybe it's time for men to talk about their feelings about their own violence? The men in your workplace are far more likely to be abusers than abused.

The blog headline was misleading.
By using the term domestic violence, not abuse.
It's 1/3 of 'reported' victims, and it is a fact that many abusive men maliciously report abuse, when they are the abuser.
Also, the blog brings women into the equation by comparing male to female rates of suicides.
It does seem a bit MRA with an agenda to me.

@Charley50 100%. This is what I was trying to say. In my view it was agenda pushing, irresponsible and inappropriate. Compounded by the CEO commenting that the facts were “very true, if surprising” (even after someone else commented querying the headline statistic) .

Meh, every day is International Men's Day so I happily ignore the official one.
And if men have problems in their lives, they can sort it themselves.

It does seem a bit MRA with an agenda to me.

For some anything that has to do with male issues is an MRA agenda.