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Original poster

About international men’s day blog

178 replies

Pumpkinspicewhatever · 21/11/2019 13:58

I work for a big bank. We have an active company intranet and various blogs go up at different points in the calendar from the great and the good of the company. Most recently for international men’s day.
This blogs opening gambit was “did you know 1 in 3 men have experienced domestic violence?” (And no source to back this up) followed by a fact about how suicide rates are 3x higher for men than women.
Now I have no problem in theory with international men’s day and the associated celebrating good male role models etc, which is the main thrust of what my company seems to be doing. But to lead with a fact about men being common victims of DV (I can’t find the 1 in 3 statistic from a quickish google) feels really blind and inappropriate. DV across the world is more a problem for women than men. Surely this is universally accepted? Can’t they lead with anything more positive for IMD than misrepresenting what is a devastating social problem (more so for women?)
Not sure, but this didn’t sit well with me. I wish they had led with something else. I’ve asked the writer to clarify their source as well.

OP posts:
Vulpine · 21/11/2019 15:48

Should we also be celebrating white history month

PBo83 · 21/11/2019 15:49

@Pumperthepumper

No. It should be recognising the good in men and supporting those men who need help.

GoldFrankincenseMyrrh · 21/11/2019 15:49

This post reminds me of those posts from Men on International Women's Day. Those complaining that Men need to be recognised and saying but Men, but this, but that.

Women have it harder than Men, that does not mean that Men should simply be forgotten about until Women have full equality (Spoiler: never gonna happen). We shouldn't be trying to drag Men's rights down to Women's level or Men's opportunities down to Women's levels. We should be trying to elevate everyone to a higher equal footing.

DV/DA against women is spoken about regularly, rightfully so, but against Men it is still almost taboo and it's about time that changed. If we all showed a bit more compassion to each other the world would be a better place.

PBo83 · 21/11/2019 15:51

Should we also be celebrating white history month

Not really in the UK as, historically, the majority of the indigenous population have been white (thus it would just be known as 'history month')

Pumperthepumper · 21/11/2019 15:52

No. It should be recognising the good in men and supporting those men who need help.

Why? Why not take the opportunity to highlight the massive problem of male violence?

PBo83 · 21/11/2019 15:54

Why? Why not take the opportunity to highlight the massive problem of male violence?

Because that's not what it's about. Should IWD be about highlighting crimes committed by women?

Pumperthepumper · 21/11/2019 15:56

But you said it was about highlighting the issues in society! Of which, ‘male violence’ is a huge problem.

Depends - do you think female violence is anywhere near the same problem in society?

Waitrosescheapestvodka · 21/11/2019 15:57

I think IMD and DV advocacy have been highjacked by men's rights advocates, who's agenda seems to be undermining and challenging feminism as opposed to discussing issues that affect men.

Male DV is an issue. To highlight and discuss it doesn't need to minimise female victims or draw a comparison. It's important to acknolwedge what is a significant group of victims.

powershowerforanhour · 21/11/2019 15:57

But that isn't what this thread was about.

Yes it was. The thread was about male victims of domestic violence. The perpatrators of which are mostly male.
The majority of attention given to DV victims is female victims of male violence. Good. That is the largest group of victims. IMD addresses the sizeable minority of male victims- good. Who is inflicting the bulk of the violence on these boys and men? Men. Why is it a bad thing to point this out? Particularly since victims can become abusers themselves. Patrick Stewart's speech on domestic violence also recognises other factors that can feed into men becoming abusers - PTSD for example, which also ties in with the discussion about male suicide.

Hont1986 · 21/11/2019 16:01

The perpatrators of which are mostly male.

Any proof of this, or just a guess?

Waitrosescheapestvodka · 21/11/2019 16:02

But you said itwasabout highlighting the issues in society! Of which, ‘male violence’ is a huge problem.

It's a day acknowledging issues which affect men. There are numerous spaces to discuss female victims of DV. 33% of victims is a big group, should their experience be ignored?

Pumperthepumper · 21/11/2019 16:03

Don’t you think men are affected by male violence?

BuzzShitbagBobbly · 21/11/2019 16:04

Men make up a third of the victims - that's a huge amount and there is nowhere near a proportional amount of campaigns, etc, to reflect that.

And why is that? Is it because there aren't enough men available to publicise it or speak about it? Or is it because they're (as a cohort) waiting for someone else to step up for them?

(Women are the ones who stepped up and started talking and publicising and fighting against the issues which affect us; and it was a bloody difficult struggle - which continues to this day. It didn't just happen, far from it! Men need to take responsibility for owning their own issues if they want to fix them.)

Vulpine · 21/11/2019 16:05

So is international mens day just about dv against men?!

PBo83 · 21/11/2019 16:07

And why is that? Is it because there aren't enough men available to publicise it or speak about it? Or is it because they're (as a cohort) waiting for someone else to step up for them?

I think honestly there is still a big social stigma attached to being a male victim. This could be a male ego thing but highlighting the issue can only be a positive step.

So is international mens day just about dv against men?!

Errr....no. It's about celebrating the achievements of men whilst recognising the issues they face.

Waitrosescheapestvodka · 21/11/2019 16:07

And why is that? Is it because there aren't enough men available to publicise it or speak about it? Or is it because they're (as a cohort) waiting for someone else to step up for them?*

Hang on, isn't this what men are doing with IMD? But according to many here that's wrong?

thedancingbear · 21/11/2019 16:09

Is it because there aren't enough men available to publicise it or speak about it? Or is it because they're (as a cohort) waiting for someone else to step up for them?

No, it's because people like you fucking shout it down, like you're doing here.

Everyone recognises DV against women is a much bigger problem than against men. Everyone. But if you're in a position like my brother, who was regularly assaulted by his partner, culminating with her throwing a plugged-in iron at his head, that makes not a jot of difference.

International Mens Day is one day out of 365 where this can be a focus. I'd have doubts about the motives of anyone who challenged that.

Pumperthepumper · 21/11/2019 16:10

Hardly - people are pointing out they got the statistics wrong. And they did.

PBo83 · 21/11/2019 16:11

Hardly - people are pointing out they got the statistics wrong. And they did

Yes, they got the statistics wrong, everyone has acknowledged that. The fact is that 1 in 3 is still a large proportion and, on IMD, it's something to raise awareness about.

Pumperthepumper · 21/11/2019 16:13

PBo83 but if you believe IMD should be about ‘raising awareness’ about violence then why not talk about what a huge problem male violence is and raise awareness about that? I’ve asked a few times now, what’s your issue with it? Think how many men would be helped.

Waitrosescheapestvodka · 21/11/2019 16:20

why not talk about what a huge problem male violence is and raise awareness about that?

It's a supportive day to raise awareness about issues affecting exclusively men. Male violence affects men and women. There are numerous spaces and resources available to discuss the very real problem of male perperated violence. There is no space to raise awareness of the signiricant minority of male DV victims, who are often maligned and mocked.

I understand IMD is also used by organisations like CALM to encourage men to talk about their feelings. Using an advocacy day to spread the message that men are violent would be counterproductive in this aim.

Hont1986 · 21/11/2019 16:22

Why would it help to raise awareness of the perpetrators rather than the victims? Our focus should be on the victims, and if we give 0.27% of our time to looking at 33% of the victims, I think that's at the very least worth doing (and it really is about the least we can do).

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 21/11/2019 16:23

Just that it is arguably NOT one of the leading issues to highlight - the mental health stats eg on suicide, yes. Or stats about men not having access to paid parental leave. The statistic about DV being wrong is just irresponsible.

Surely it's up to men to decide what issues they want to publicise on IMD though? Do you think men should decide what issues should be publicised on IWD?

ferntwist · 21/11/2019 16:25

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Pumperthepumper · 21/11/2019 16:27

Why would it help to raise awareness of the perpetrators rather than the victims?

Because then we could look at the ways to combat male violence, which is pandemic in our society. I would also love to see toxic masculinity be routinely discussed in relation to how all men can help tackle the problem.