Neighbour ringing our doorbell in the middle of the night

[applesauce1]

Our neighbour has just rung our doorbell at 11:15 at night. It is the third time he has done this.

Back story: We have a motion activated flood light outside our house and a steep drive. He has previously complained that when it comes on, it shines into his bedroom window (despite it being pointed as far down as it goes and definitely not in the direction of his windows). In the summer, the light is always turned off as a neighbourly courtesy. Now it is darker earlier, I’ve turned it back on so I can get our baby safely down our steep drive in the dark when I get home from work. I turn the light off at the fuse box when I get in.
On three occasions (twice last winter and now tonight), I’ve forgotten to turn it off and he has come round to ring our bell. Once he rang the doorbell at 2am. Each time he has done it, he has woken our baby.

Tonight I actually went to the door and was extremely upset with him. I told him that I am trying my very best to remember to turn the light off at night but that he absolutely should not ring our doorbell at night as we have a baby trying to sleep. He started to shout at me about it shining through his window and that he would speak to his solicitor. I said I would call the police and that he should get some proper blinds or curtains.

He does have curtains but they are very raggedy and coming down in places.

I called 111 who offered to come out now as he is being a nuisance neighbour, but I asked if they would be able to come tomorrow instead as it would just further disturb my son.

Am I in the wrong? Should I have just apologised for forgetting to turn our light off? I’m still breastfeeding and up twice a night at least with our baby, so I know how it feels to be sleep deprived and I don’t want to be the cause of that for someone else.

Can’t you just get those little Solar floor lights that light the path?

Personally I don’t see the problem with walking in the dark for 5 seconds!

Sorry but YABVU, the light does not need to shine directly into his window, reflected light can be every bit as disturbing as direct light.

As to the ringing your doorbell - well if your light is preventing him from sleeping then if it's 11pm, 2am, 4am he should be able to approach you to get it sorted asap.

Been on both ends of this, was v pi**ed off at 3am when we were woken for a dripping A/C unit. However later on that day realised that the neighbours shouldn't have to suffer lack of sleep just to be nice to us.

I can see both sides. But after the first time he complained I would have stuck a post it note on the inside of the front door to remind me to turn the light off.

OP obviously thinks because she has a baby she is 'the queen of the world' and her sleep is so much more important than any other human.

You need to remember, not try to remember. Your neighbour has a right to sleep as much as you and your baby do.

OP, I think people are being unnecessarily harsh. He could have come round the next day. It’s hardly a life threatening situation — I have lots of neighbours with bright lights, but like a normal person I have window coverings! If he wants no light at all outside he should live more rurally. Must be the AIBU. In the UK people are generally not inclined to come round and be so direct, most people usually try and resolve things in the first instance with more of a „polite chat“ Rather than marching round like he did. It must have been very unpleasant for you to have a man ringing your doorbell in the middle of the night, especially when you were stressed with the baby crying. So I sympathise.

Having said that, I think I’d have been tempted to get a timer before now, for the sake of neighbourly relations. But with a baby especially it can be hard to get the headspace to do that, I understand. I’ve also started getting handyman in to do things DH just doesn’t get round to.

Hope it all gets sorted soon.

OP, if you are below him and the light shines downwards, how do you think he is so clearly aware when it goes off? It must be bright or he wouldn't notice if the location and direction of the light is as you say. You may well be mistaken and it may well be really annoying to him. If not, he surely wouldn't even know when it went on

NB Citizens Advice offer neighbour mediation...

@WhatTiggersDoBest
Especially old lonely people who are attention seeking because they haven't talked to other people in a while. An old man knocked on our door asking for directions at 3am a few weeks ago.

I very much doubt he was an attention seeking lonely old person. He would most likely have Alzheimer's, been lost, scared and disorientated. It could be you one day. Hardly a nuisance neighbour!

I have some sympathy with your neighbour as I have the same problem. I recently changed my curtains to blackout blinds, but the light still seeps in round the edges - it's so dazzlingly bright.

Nice to see you taking the YABU's on board OP.

I'm going to have a similar conversation with my neighbour next time I see him. They have 3 motion activated lights that light up the front of their house like Wembley stadium every time so much as a leaf blows along the road. My bedroom curtains have to be hung outside the window recess, and this brilliant white light seeps round the sides.

It's so bright in my bedroom I swear I could read by it. And we have lots of cats and foxes that patrol at night, so it happens a lot. I've been seriously tempted to get up in the middle of the night and rip the fucking things off their wall before now!

You need to put a timer on the flood light so it doesn't shine into his window past 10pm

I have neighbours with a motion light and it drives me MAD. YABU

Oh come on who behaves like that.

Quick word in the day and sort yourself better window coverings - that’s what I did!

OP, if you are below him and the light shines downwards, how do you think he is so clearly aware when it goes off?

My neighbour's house is lower than mine (first floor windows level with my gorund floor windows), but it still really lights up the bedroom. If the bedroom door is open, it lights up the landing, too!

Write a note on a post-it and put it on something you use.

I can't believe these responses! People who are suggesting little solar lights instead have clever never actually experienced proper darkness. Little solar lights do not cut it (experience: Norway).

Rinning doorbells past 10pm at night is extremely unreasonable. If I were the neighbour I would get black out blinds! He hasn't done that so clearly he's not THAT invested in solving the problem amicably. He's also not interested enough in solving it amicably to come around in the day time after the first time it happened. Instead he goes and wakes a household which he knows has a small baby, it's malicious and vindictive.

Security lights are for security, just that. Switching them off at night kind of defeats the point. He needs to get himself a black out blind and come and discuss things at a more reasonable time. Honestly, what response does he really think he's going to get at 2am when the baby has been woken up by his door ringing? Clearly looking for an argument. I'm Team OP.

Just set a reminder on your phone every night and switch it off

OP I'd turn off your doorbell when you go to bed, at least then if he wants to wake the baby he's going to have to hurt his fists hammering your door instead which might make him reconsider and return at a reasonable hour.

He hasn't done that so clearly he's not THAT invested in solving the problem amicably

Nor would I be "invested" either (shit I hate that word!!). He hasn't caused it, so why should he spend out. I wouldn't.

YABVU

I think if he was a reasonable neighbour, he'd come round in the day to discuss the light calmly and in a civil way. It's concerning that he's coming round to your house at night and ringing the bell, that's red flag behaviour

No red flags here - the poor sod just wanted to sleep

He hasn't caused it, so why should he spend out. I wouldn't

You can buy a decent black out blind for not much more than a tenner at Argos.

There’s little point getting wound up over stuff when you can be proactive yourself and sort the issue.

Given it’s happened three times in 5 years I hardly imagine he’s exhausted from it!

Can’t believe you called the police over an issue that you caused in the first place. Massively unreasonable of you, and three times is twice too many

Yes - love the calling the police on this- especially as she then told them not to come round as it would disturb her

Given it’s happened three times in 5 years I hardly imagine he’s exhausted from it!

x3 times in 5 years that the disturbed neighbour has gone round to complain about...