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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbour ringing our doorbell in the middle of the night

254 replies

applesauce1 · 20/11/2019 23:47

Our neighbour has just rung our doorbell at 11:15 at night. It is the third time he has done this.

Back story: We have a motion activated flood light outside our house and a steep drive. He has previously complained that when it comes on, it shines into his bedroom window (despite it being pointed as far down as it goes and definitely not in the direction of his windows). In the summer, the light is always turned off as a neighbourly courtesy. Now it is darker earlier, I’ve turned it back on so I can get our baby safely down our steep drive in the dark when I get home from work. I turn the light off at the fuse box when I get in.
On three occasions (twice last winter and now tonight), I’ve forgotten to turn it off and he has come round to ring our bell. Once he rang the doorbell at 2am. Each time he has done it, he has woken our baby.

Tonight I actually went to the door and was extremely upset with him. I told him that I am trying my very best to remember to turn the light off at night but that he absolutely should not ring our doorbell at night as we have a baby trying to sleep. He started to shout at me about it shining through his window and that he would speak to his solicitor. I said I would call the police and that he should get some proper blinds or curtains.

He does have curtains but they are very raggedy and coming down in places.

I called 111 who offered to come out now as he is being a nuisance neighbour, but I asked if they would be able to come tomorrow instead as it would just further disturb my son.

Am I in the wrong? Should I have just apologised for forgetting to turn our light off? I’m still breastfeeding and up twice a night at least with our baby, so I know how it feels to be sleep deprived and I don’t want to be the cause of that for someone else.

OP posts:
TiggerOfThigh · 21/11/2019 00:50

I have a security light, it’s wired directly into the mains. No switch....your neighbour would love me.

Honestly, I think he’s BU, even if it’s just the way he’s going about things, you don’t wake a sleeping baby out of spite.
All those that say it stops you sleeping, don’t you close your eyes?

itswinetime · 21/11/2019 00:57

He is only coming on the occasions that you have left the light on is that correct? And he is coming every time the light is left on?

If that is the case then yes it's a unreasonable time of to be knocking but it is obviously disturbing him were he not to knock, then you may not remember at all and all night he would be woken by every cat/fox strong gust of wind that set your light off. That is antisocial too. He may not have the thickest of curtains but that is irrelevant he is only disturbed when your light is on so I think yes it is your problem a timer sounds like a good solution all round. I don't think escalating to the police is the best way to resolve this.

StoppinBy · 21/11/2019 00:58

Our neighbour does this too, over our 6+ foot fence and right in our bedroom window. We have block out curtains and it still lights up our room but not enough to wake us up.

It is your light - maybe you could buy him some block out curtains with an apology for sometimes forgetting about it, I dare say it's not an occasional thing if he is this annoyed.

Dilkhush · 21/11/2019 01:00

So your light wakes him at 2am and you think he's unreasonable to come and complain about it?
UABVU. Buy a torch and turn the light off forever.

Smiler88 · 21/11/2019 01:03

You are being unreasonable. If it was other way around and shining into your room or your baby's youd be very annoyed. Why are you entitled to more sleep than him because you chose to have a baby? You need to be more considerate and change the light or find a different way to light your drive. You sound very entitled - you are the problem neighbour as its your light affecting other people.

Original poster
applesauce1 · 21/11/2019 01:03

Well, I posted in AIBU not for validation, but for a different POV. At the time, with my baby screaming upstairs, I was finding it hard to empathise with him. Now, I feel like PP are absolutely right that he wouldn’t be getting out of bed to ring our doorbell unless it was really bothering him.
I’m ordering a timer bulb that I can control with my phone. I think that’s the best solution. I’ll also be apologising for getting so upset with him.
Thank you to everyone who took the time to reply! Really appreciate the feedback. Going to try to get back to sleep now.

OP posts:
safariboot · 21/11/2019 01:04

I have a security light, it’s wired directly into the mains. No switch....your neighbour would love me.

All else being equal, a light that's on constantly is less annoying than one that goes on and off quasi-randomly all night.

jacks11 · 21/11/2019 01:09

Having a baby does not give anyone carte blanche to be unreasonable, I don't really see that it is relevant. If OP's light is significantly disturbing her neighbour then she is being unreasonable and can't really complain when her neighbour comes round to let her know. And as he only comes round when the light is on, it would seem like he only comes round when there is an issue. I doubt the majority of people would venture out in the early hours of the morning in the middle of winter if it wasn't causing a significant problem.

If her neighbour is being disturbed, then why should he have to put up with it until the next morning rather than going round to have it sorted promptly just because OP has a baby? Yes, it is annoying for OP if the baby is woken up but the hysterics some people seem get into if a baby is disturbed (however briefly) is bizarre- it's really not going to harm the baby is it? I'd say that being kept awake is just as annoying as someone ringing the doorbell and waking the baby.

StoppinBy · 21/11/2019 01:10

Good on you applesauce, when someone wakes your baby it's pretty hard to empathise with them about anything and be reasonable yourself.

Let him know what you are doing and apologise and if he is a decent person he will accept it. Good Luck!

custardbear · 21/11/2019 01:11

If it's waking him then it's an issue - you need to sort a solution

SuckingDieselFella · 21/11/2019 01:16

If you're disturbing his sleep its reasonable for him to disturb yours.

Walnutwhipster · 21/11/2019 01:24

I'm glad you've seen the light (sorry, couldn't resist.) I'd drop him a note apologising and tell him you've resolved the issue.

IAmNotAWitch · 21/11/2019 01:41

Just get a remote for the light, put it on your keys. Turn it on when you need it and flick it off when you don't...

CeridwenTheWitch · 21/11/2019 02:00

I think if he was a reasonable neighbour, he'd come round in the day to discuss the light calmly and in a civil way. It's concerning that he's coming round to your house at night and ringing the bell, that's red flag behaviour.

I'd speak to the police about it on the non emergency number. I'd also check the light isn't too bright, that it is a warm light rather than a cold blue tinted light, that it's not too bright and to set it on a timer so that you don't have to remember.

We had a neighbour come round about our outdoor light once but they were very nice and polite and we changed the angle and we had no problems after that. I hope you get it sorted OP, he sounds like a stressful neighbour to have.

Preggosaurus9 · 21/11/2019 02:11

Wtf these responses are crazy. There's no law against floodlights or security lights or Xmas lights! Your mistake OP was agreeing to turn it off in the first place, you've unfortunately set a precedent now where he thinks he can control what you do on your property. He absolutely has no right.

Our neighbour has a motion activated light which absolutely blasts into our bedroom. The solution was a blackout blind Confused

A timer, jeez

LovePoppy · 21/11/2019 02:25

It sounds to me like he needs to invest in black out blinds

blubelle7 · 21/11/2019 02:39

YABU. I'm not sensitive to the light in my sleep but my brother really is. Given he has knocked at such ridiculous hours in winter, I think you may have misjudged how bright your light is and how far it shines out. Tbh fairplay to him, I am so non-confrontational it would take ages for me to complain and make you aware there was a problem. I suspect you may have left it on more than 3 occasions, those are just the ones he couldn't bear it anymore and had to kick up a fuss. Sorry OP, you need to fix it

Seeingadistance · 21/11/2019 02:40

Or the OP could invest in a torch.

Blondebakingmumma · 21/11/2019 02:42

Can you ask him to take a photo from inside his room to show how much the light is affecting his comfort.

I’m on the fence on this one. IF your light is shining in his room then surly you are unreasonable. You are annoyed he is waking the baby up, but is he expected to have a light shining in his bedroom and not be able to sleep that night.

IF the light does not shine in his room the he is BU

AlexaAmbidextra · 21/11/2019 02:55

I think if he was a reasonable neighbour, he'd come round in the day to discuss the light calmly and in a civil way. It's concerning that he's coming round to your house at night and ringing the bell, that's red flag behaviour.

Red flag behaviour? He comes round at night because that’s when he wants to be able to sleep. He doesn’t want to lie awake until morning. Red flag ffs.

StinkyHedgehog · 21/11/2019 03:04

You might have an arse for a neighbour anyway but I can't judge that. I do think you need to realise that these lights can be horrendous when people are trying to sleep, but your neighbour also shouldn't be coming round in the middle of the night about it (I certainly wouldn't answer the door that late to anyone) - that's pretty intimidating.

However, I have a neighbour opposite our house with two floodlights - one is motion-activated and supposedly goes off after 30 seconds (but it doesn't); the other is just left on or off (often on). Both of them are apparently directed such that it doesn't shine into our bedroom window. However, all I know is that they light up the entire front of our house, and the neighbours don't seem to care too much as their bedroom is at the back.

These are new neighbours, and I don't want to upset them, so I end up fuming in my bed (bathed in light) instead and wishing I could be a bit more assertive Sad

Pomley · 21/11/2019 03:17

Good for you OP for taking comments on board, I was going to say YABU as he wouldn't bother coming over if it didn't annoy him. To the poster who said he should come over during the day, should he everyday in case it's left on? Or lie awake all night and moan the next day? Also I disconnected our bell and put a 'please knock', sign on our door when DS was younger, as he would sleep through someone knocking.

BillHadersNewWife · 21/11/2019 03:40

Get some solar lamps that charge from the sun and stick them along the edge of the drive...the kind on stakes.

I have a neighbour with a motion lamp....it drives me MENTAL. It's so unnecessary too.

AgentProvocateur · 21/11/2019 03:57

Can’t believe you called the police over an issue that you caused in the first place. Massively unreasonable of you, and three times is twice too many.

Honeybee85 · 21/11/2019 04:12

I think the best thing to do is make sure you get a timer on the light ASAP.

After this is fixed, go to your neighbour and bring some flowers or a gift voucher and apologise for the inconvenience. Say you got scared when you heard the doorbell ring late at night and therefor your reaction to him was a bit OTT. And tell him that if anything bothers him in the future, he shouldn’t feel hesitation to bring it up to you.
My guess is if he’s a reasonable person, he’ll accept your apology.