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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate homemade gifts

480 replies

Bearbehind · 19/11/2019 16:02

New thread with the vote enabled this time!

Unless the giver is actually good enough at making what ever it is to sell then I wish they just wouldn’t give homemade stuff, especially food

Fortunately I don’t generally receive them but I have a friend who’s a teacher who’s inundated with them at Christmas

It just seems such a waste as it pretty much all gets binned

OP posts:
Thread gallery
22
ReanimatedSGB · 20/11/2019 21:26

I do recall going to a wedding once where the gift list included a strap-on dildo and an ounce of cocaine...

dontalltalkatonce · 20/11/2019 22:23

I do recall going to a wedding once where the gift list included a strap-on dildo and an ounce of cocaine...

Back in the day, a dear friend gave me some home grown and dried magic mushrooms for my birthday. It was a great birthday! We also used to grow our own weed, dry it in our food dehydrator and give out buds as Xmas gifts to like-minded friends, and sometimes receive them from other friends. 'A friend in need is a friend indeed, a friend with weed is better' Grin.

AnyMinuteNow · 21/11/2019 00:28

I and others assumed you were asking for help in choosing gifts for your elderly DPs Daisy

I was just saying that's the hard work of it for everyone.

If you look at the thread you will see I don't agree with all the nastiness and grabbiness, and think it's horribly judgemental.

Not sure its actually nasty to just ask you to do your own work though when it comes to choosing gifts which is how your post has been interpreted.

springydaff · 21/11/2019 01:28

Had to skip to the end because I couldn't stomach the comments that went on for soooo long about homemade gifts being selfish and all about the giver. I am astounded to read comments like this.

Yes I do make stuff and it is given with a lot of love - as the 50th birthday cross-stitch a pp made was given with a lot of love. Plus hours and hours and HOURS of time. How can that possibly be selfish?

I buy stuff too of course but it's just not in the same league at all. How can that not be obvious?

As with a pp, someone made me a scarf when I was having chemo. I cried - proper cried. It was the kindest thing. Did I like the colour - well off I really thought about it I suppose not. But I didn't, and don't, even notice that in the glare of her tremendous kindness and love. I wore it throughout my treatment and felt loved up there on my head. It really meant a lot to me at a really grim time.

I think the posters who look down on handmade gifts are selfish receivers. A gift is not a right folks.

ladybug92 · 21/11/2019 04:41

So interesting to read!! I only give homemade gift to people I am very close to. And not always either.

I would love to receive a homemade gift and my mum makes blackberry jam and my toddler gives me branches/flowers. Once I got a Pandora bracelet (quite pricey!) from a dear friend and I was a little bit taken back that she'd gone for price rather than thought. If she'd thought for 5min about our 5year friendship she would've known that was not appropriate.

Something else, what do people think of homemade cards?? Sometimes I make them quite artsy and sometimes my toddles draws and I add it to a card, is this also unwanted by most even though it's just a card and the message should mean more (in my opinion)?

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 21/11/2019 04:45

Cards is an interesting one. There is certainly some errm "diversity" about which ones I'd want on my house- especially if they've been bought from Etsy, NUMonday or FB. Lots of people seem to think they can make cards...

Kids' cards I'll always love, and I love a good message. Some others might drop into a bin quite quickly....

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 21/11/2019 04:46

Your cards sound lovely btw.

Courtney555 · 21/11/2019 07:10

Yes I do make stuff and it is given with a lot of love - as the 50th birthday cross-stitch a pp made was given with a lot of love. Plus hours and hours and HOURS of time. How can that possibly be selfish?

Because it's lovely that someone receives a gift that you've spent so much time and care over. As opposed to people who rattle out 20 wineglasses dipped in glitter (any other generic tat) because they think they're good at making them, then gift to everyone, with no thought to whether it's something the receiver would like or use.

As with a pp, someone made me a scarf when I was having chemo. I cried - proper cried. It was the kindest thing. Did I like the colour - well off I really thought about it I suppose not. But I didn't, and don't, even notice that in the glare of her tremendous kindness and love. I wore it throughout my treatment and felt loved up there on my head. It really meant a lot to me at a really grim time.

Can you really not see the difference between this and what OP is talking about? Would you have been in tears at her thought and kindness if you had been presented with a glittery wine glass.

You'd still graciously accept and say how lovely it was, of course. As the rest of us do. But it doesn't negate from the fact that we see it as a thoughtless gift. In the same way a "just grabbed any old thing from the shops for you" gift can be.

daisypond · 21/11/2019 07:21

@Courtney555 - No, I wasn’t snippy because of that. As I said, I don’t get my parents anything at all, as they don’t get me anything at all, so it doesn’t directly affect me. I was genuinely curious as to the sort of thing people get or make.

W0rriedMum · 21/11/2019 07:50

How can people be offended with homemade cards? Grin
Max they need to be on display for a few days.

Courtney555 · 21/11/2019 07:52

How can people be offended with homemade cards?

I don't think anyone is by cards.

evilharpy · 21/11/2019 08:06

“I haven’t had any crack”

It IS only 8am though.

pourmeanotherglass · 21/11/2019 08:23

Not voted as this totally depends on the gift.
I'd be happy with home- made jam or chutney from someone who makes it well. My kids used to love hand knitted soft toys when they were little, and DD who is 17 still sometimes wears a jumper her gran knitted her about 4 years ago in her favourite colour ( dark green).My friend makes gorgeous plant pots. Id much rather the kids gave me hand drawn cards than bought ones. I quite like home made Sloe gin.
However, I can see why teachers wouldn't want loads of child made edible gifts, and I can't see the point of the tat decorated with scrabble tiles that some people have described.

starfishcoffee · 21/11/2019 08:34

Hmm. I always prefer to buy presents for people. This year DP wants us to make chocolates for family as money is tight, but I really love doing Christmas shopping etc and tbh I can't be bothered to spend hours in the kitchen. So although I personally oppose making home-made gifts - I don't think they're lazy! Grin

W0RRIEDMUM · 21/11/2019 08:54

@Courtney555 - @Namechangeforthiscancershit says that there is some fussiness around cards in this piece:
Cards is an interesting one. There is certainly some errm "diversity" about which ones I'd want on my house- especially if they've been bought from Etsy, NUMonday or FB. Lots of people seem to think they can make cards...

I like homemade cards as they only last a few days. My one preference is that they're largely recyclable.

TheElfFellOffTheShelf · 21/11/2019 09:26

Reading this I don't feel like I dare make or buy anything for anyone, ever because even when someone gushes over the gift I've given or lovingly made they're just being polite and will probably just chuck it in the bin as soon as I've gone! However, the number of threads on here where people complain about having not received any gifts for birthdays and Christmases tells me that that's also wrong!

I think I will just keep on doing what I do (gifts for my dc, dh and mum, mainly) and hope for the best.

ladybug92 · 21/11/2019 09:43

@Namechangeforthiscancershit thank you :) great to hear your perspective

HiJenny35 · 21/11/2019 09:54

My friend makes us all stuff, it's dreadful she thinks it's great. We all say thank you and have it's lovely and then have to wear/keep this stuff. Would I rather have a 99p chocolate bar, yep!

AnyMinuteNow · 21/11/2019 09:54

....handmade cards...Some others might drop into a bin quite quickly....

What a gross ungrateful attitude. Its a card ffs.

This is the worst of these threads that happen every year. The shit insulty ways that others receive genuine gifts from others. That even a card is received with such ingratitude as to be thrown away. Hmm. How low can you go.

Nothing good enough for some on here.

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 21/11/2019 10:11

It's a "gross ungrateful attitude"not to want my house cluttered up with someone else's tat? Ok.

I have said there are plenty of homemade cards I would like. Just some I wouldn't. Especially the ones sold on some of those sites... which I know there is a separate thread for so I won't derail

WhereverIMayRoam · 21/11/2019 10:26

The expressions of hurt and anger from some of the makers and bakers on this thread (along with accusations regarding the character failings of those of us who are less than enthusiastic about receiving their creations Hmm), actually demonstrate the difficulty some of us have with HM gifts.

A lot of you attach such significance and emotion to the item you’re making, to you your gifts seem to say something about the relationship and about who you are as a person and so there’s this huge level of emotional investment in the pot of jam or the knitted scarf and you absolutely require something back from me! There’s this obligation on the recipient to demonstrate an understanding of how meaningful this item is TO YOU.

Plenty of you claim that you just want appreciation for your thought and time and effort but no, in your minds you and the gift are one and the same so we’re required to prove our sincerity. For some of you, it’s like if we recipients don’t hit the right notes in our response it’s apparently a rejection of you. It can feel like failing a test we didn’t know we were taking!

We are required to wear the scarf, display the handmade picture, report back on the deliciousness of the baked goods, eat the jam and beg for more, all to meet this emotional need of the giver. There’s just this mismatch sometimes between giver and recipient so while the maker of exquisite jams sees it as something I’ve put part of myself into, I’ve actually received a jammy feckin Horcrux!! Please don’t infuse your gifts with obligation and guilt because honestly I never wanted a piece of somebody’s SOUL for Christmas.

AnyMinuteNow · 21/11/2019 10:38

It's a "gross ungrateful attitude"not to want my house cluttered up with someone else's tat? Ok.

That. Exactly.

What does it matter where the card comes from.

Surely most people still see the thought and good intent of the sender of a card, whether its HM or shop bought?

The same for gifts. Taking the trouble to send a card...that you might consider 'tat' and bin... really?! Wow, horrible.

Best you 'bin' that friend then because wouldn't it be a very hurtful thing to do oh and you dont deserve them

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 21/11/2019 10:47

I'm not sure why I would bother decorating my house and then have it filled with what other adults (I have said repeatedly that what kids make me is lovely) think looks nice. I'm not sure why this bothers you so much and I don't think my friends expect binning but I'll give them the option.

And no, no way is something that glittery recyclable. That would absolutely be a good thing.

HouseworkAvoider10 · 21/11/2019 11:11

Homemade food.
I'll take that. Star

Jins · 21/11/2019 11:34

Jammy Horcrux. I’m adopting this.