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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be very excited for having a child in a few years?

98 replies

meroyah · 19/11/2019 11:51

We've recently decided to have a child once we're stable enough - buy a house, reasonable working hours. I predict we'll have a house by the end of 2020 if not mid 2021, working hours will reduce (for DH at least) when we're not saving so intensely and he's essentially the sole income until I qualify as a Veterinary Nurse in April 2020.

The thing is, if I was left to follow my uterus, I would have a child now!
Maybe I have unrealistic expectations of what it will be like?

I'm currently at the end of my nursing course, looking forward to having a proper income but I'm so excited for these big life moments! We would like to travel both with and without a child, see some of the world.

I try not to live in the future too much or I worry I'll not appreciate the present, but when myself and DH go for evening walks in the village with the dog, I can't help but want a little pushchair with our own person inside.

Can you tell me some harsh realities of being a parent so maybe I'll stop?

DH is also excited but not to the same level.

OP posts:

aSofaNearYou · 19/11/2019 12:03

Haha well I wouldn't be looking forward to evening walks for a starters - be prepared to not leave the house after 5pm for some time! And that in itself is a big part of the harsh reality - you will lose the ability to just go out and do something spontaneously, you will be limited to baby friendly things at baby friendly hours and will only be able to half engage with whatever it is because the baby is crying or trying to get away or needs a nappy change.

At the end of the day if you are ready you are ready, and my little girl is 100% worth it, but I think looking back my biggest regret in life will be not making the most of everything I could do before I had her, and I would strongly advise anyone planning on having children soon to really live in the moment and have every spontaneous, adult experience you can.

Areyoufree · 19/11/2019 12:06

Sorry, can’t help you. It was magic from the word go. Hard work, emotional roller coaster etc, but still magic.

EscapeTheOrdinary · 19/11/2019 12:11

-Sleepless nights
-Leaving the house before midday becomes more of a challenge!
-Eating without a small person attached becomes a luxury
-You will rarely pee alone
-At some point it's inevitable you will wear your babies sick, poo or pre

But everything is worth it when you have a curled up baby snoozing on you knowing that your his or her world right now

TheMidasTouch · 19/11/2019 12:19

"I try not to live in the future too much' Really? Are you sure about that?

I think, unless you have fabulously well-paid jobs, wanting to travel and see some of the world after having a child could be unrealistic. If you really want to do that I would suggest postponing having children and go visit far-flung, interesting places first. When you have children you may need to go on child-friendly holidays just comprising beaches and theme parks.

Work will be more difficult with children and yet you are contemplating having children when you aren't even qualified yet for your job ! Madness, utter madness.

Seeline · 19/11/2019 12:19

If you want to travel, do it now.

Even a trip to the supermarket with kids is exhausting!

Travelling on no sleep is no fun.

Kids do not travel light....

MonnaLIza · 19/11/2019 12:31

I adore my kids but I wish I had more time just as a couple with my dh. We married after 2 years and had a baby 1 year after so we only spent 3 years as a couple and I wish we had a little more time just the two of us!

delilahbucket · 19/11/2019 12:31

Don't try and travel with a child. The first 6 years my only holiday was two nights in Blackpool. After that we've done France twice and Greece six times. You don't get to travel with a child, and you don't get to go out on a whim with a baby all bundled up in a pushchair in the evening.
I had my son at just 22. I love him to pieces and life has never been boring since he was born, but there is so much I didn't do, and while I will still be young enough to do some things when he's grown up, a lot of it just won't be the same. I would hazard a guess you are quite young too and if I could go back to my younger self I would say don't do it. Get the career, travel, be spontaneous, learn about yourself.

MonnaLIza · 19/11/2019 12:32

So enjoy this time and do not wish your life away. Kids are forever when they come!

Wineislifex · 19/11/2019 12:35

Ahah it’s all so exciting! Our LO is five months now and she has just slotted into our lives perfectly, we still eat out three times a week, go for weekends away and have taken her on holiday abroad and she had been amazing! Don’t get hung up on routines and follow the babies lead and you’ll be fine! We still do everything we did before but life is so much more exciting seeing her experience it all!

crustycrab · 19/11/2019 12:35

"You don't get to travel with a child" what utter bollocks. My kids started travelling at 5 months old and haven't stopped. We've done all types of holiday and it's amazing.

An evening stroll with a pram round the village less so though

Zaphodsotherhead · 19/11/2019 12:36

Just get your DH to follow you around the house saying 'where are you, what are you doing, can I have sweets now' and then throwing a huge screaming tantrum for about an hour. All day. Every day.

Also following you into the toilet and then emptying all the cupboards while you are trying to poo. For good measure, you can get him to rub Vaselene into all the furniture while you cook dinner and then into the carpet while you're trying to get it out of the sofa.

That should do it. People tend to focus on the 'having a little baby' part, but when you have a baby, eventually you get a toddler. And then a teenager, but I don't want to put you off any more.

Sunshine1235 · 19/11/2019 12:38

I remember the days my husband and I could go for a lovely evening walk together. Sadly it’s not really the case with kids as they’re in bed so one of you has to stay at home 😢

Having kids is wonderful and magical, it’s also relentless, all consuming and exhausting like nothing else.

Iggi999 · 19/11/2019 12:41

If you enough to wait, get financially stable and then have a year or two for great holidays, which you can look back on in the future. Of course you can holiday with children but they are different, you will not be so carefree or relaxed as you have someone else's life to look out for. Travelling with a baby is much easier than a toddler. Travelling with a primary school age child easier, except for them having a strong opinion about where you go and why it isn't Disneyland.

Iggi999 · 19/11/2019 12:41

If you are young enough to wait

Sunshine1235 · 19/11/2019 12:42

Also in response to the pp with the 5 month old, that’s wonderful and yes you definitely can still do things like that when you have a baby, you don’t need to hide instead all the time. However toddlers and young children are a whole different kettle of fish to a baby. We do eat out regularly with our kids (2 and 3) but it’s not exactly a relaxing affair

TrophyCat · 19/11/2019 12:42

This has been me all week. There is a bug going round the DC's school and it's hit our house.

To be very excited for having a child in a few years?

AmbitiouslyFit · 19/11/2019 12:45

Sorry OP but having kids is such a blessing that every hardship with them melts away.

But I would say work on being a strong team before so ur relationship survives the stress it puts on it that’s all

TheHootiestOwl · 19/11/2019 12:47

Earn some money, get your career sorted and qualify for maternity leave before you have a baby. I’m so pleased I got some travelling done before I had mine too. Enjoy drinking a hot cup of tea and going to the toilet by yourself.

Original poster

meroyah · 19/11/2019 12:52

I'm only 24, so I'm likely jumping the gun hugely.
@crustycrab @Wineislifex we very much have the ideals that you've mentioned, going away, taking them with us, almost carrying on as usual but with a number 3. I do worry about 'dragging' them along though - maybe this is in the later years?

My DB and SIL are very much confined to eachother and their house almost all the time but from seeing them I do feel that's very much their own doing. DB cannot have a cigarette outside without SIL and is then taken back inside as they both have to parent at the same time. I do not want it to be this way for us.

I know the small baby will eventually grow up, and I'm excited for this too! I'm excited to read together, play dress up and all the rest.

I think from all above being said, it would be best to wait just a few more years just incase things aren't the way we hope they will be. We've been together 5 years and married this August 2019.

OP posts:

Lunafortheloveogod · 19/11/2019 12:52

Remember every hill you push the bloody thing down you’ve to get back up ..

My small human pooped yesterday at 7.15.. which meant he was on my bed, I had to grab my jammies fling them on grab him and run downstairs with shit bubbling out of the nappy.. down my arm, down his legs, up his back and onto my top. Then to strip him, have him roll away.. smeering said shit everywhere imaginable, thank feck for hard floors, wipe him the best I can.. (tena spray foam ladies, it’s a miraculous thing if the wipes are dryish), clean the floor, dispose of the evidence.. run his bath to destink him, change top and then bath child who was ecstatic about the whole affair.
My arse met a chair about half 8 breakfast around 10/11...

These humans are cute n all but damn they can poop!

nocluewhattodoo · 19/11/2019 12:53

Just make sure you don't get pregnant before you've qualified. My university fucked me over when I took time off due to MH issues then HG in pregnancy, agreed I could return then rescinded the offer, and now I cannot afford to pay for the childcare or the fees to start again. So where once I had a decent career ahead of me, I now work unsociable hours on minimum wage in a zero hours contract.

Travelling with a baby is easy, we did a few trips abroad before DD turned 2, I wish we had done more before it became more expensive.

theruffles · 19/11/2019 12:54

It has it's trials and the newborn days you may just be surviving but...it's the best thing I've ever done. The way they look at you like you're their whole world, the pride you feel when they figure out something new, the way their little hands hold onto your clothes when you're carrying them. I could go on and probably not helping you!

I would say enjoy the time you have child free. I didn't appreciate how easy it was to leave the house or just eat a meal out before I had my LO.

InnisandGunn · 19/11/2019 12:54

My son shat on the floor this morning during 5 minutes of nappy free time whilst I ran a bath. I thought he was playing peekaboo, until he started backing out of the corner and I saw shit on his foot. I don't think anything can prepare you for moments like that 😂

Lipperfromchipper · 19/11/2019 12:58

Don’t listen to these OP!! It is what you make of it!! You can do whatever you want, granted you’ll be tired, and things will work in a different way, yes you’ll have more bags travelling but who cares. I’ve done sun holidays, city breaks, mountain treks and all sorts with my dc and they’re only 4 and 6!!

BreatheAndFocus · 19/11/2019 13:00

YANBU to be excited about having a child.

My children are the best thing in my world. Yes, when they’re very young, it can be hard work. The lack of sleep is a shock. But, looking at my children now, those tiny baby months went in an absolute flash! Enjoy every minute - even the tiring ones

Be excited and best of luck

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