To be very excited for having a child in a few years?

[meroyah]

We've recently decided to have a child once we're stable enough - buy a house, reasonable working hours. I predict we'll have a house by the end of 2020 if not mid 2021, working hours will reduce (for DH at least) when we're not saving so intensely and he's essentially the sole income until I qualify as a Veterinary Nurse in April 2020.

The thing is, if I was left to follow my uterus, I would have a child now!
Maybe I have unrealistic expectations of what it will be like?

I'm currently at the end of my nursing course, looking forward to having a proper income but I'm so excited for these big life moments! We would like to travel both with and without a child, see some of the world.

I try not to live in the future too much or I worry I'll not appreciate the present, but when myself and DH go for evening walks in the village with the dog, I can't help but want a little pushchair with our own person inside.

Can you tell me some harsh realities of being a parent so maybe I'll stop?

DH is also excited but not to the same level.

We've done lots of holidays and things with our 2 DC, Camping, abroad, weekends, festivals (from about 3 months) Just plan more and expect things to take a bit longer, Thats all! Its way more fun with kids.

Life doesn't need to be put on hold, I'm honestly surprised at some comments about how things change. Before you know it, they will be going to High School :(

I giggled to myself a little, have you seen the Michael McIntyre sketch where he’s taking the mick out of child-free couples dreaming about how wonderful it’ll be having kids, you remind me of this! Having children is amazing and it is by far the best thing we have done, however our life IS our children, everything revolves around them (as it should!). I think everyone does the whole imagining what it’ll be like having children in the excitement before trying for a baby, I know we were guilty of this. I’ve got a 3 year old and 2 year old now and haven’t properly slept in years... 3 to be precise. Simple tasks become the impossible, even exiting the car, it’s a mission! But they are brilliant if every way possible.

The only thing I would say is if you haven’t been together long and haven’t had much time as a couple maybe hold off a little, obviously it depends on your age etc. We met at uni and had quite a long time together before children (over 10years), we actually broke up and I travelled the world so I felt like I’d done quite a lot before we settled down. I couldn’t imagine having gone straight from uni at 21/22 into settling down having children. I absolutely loved my 20s and glad I spent that time having fun. If you are only 21 and finishing an undergrad degree, or even mid 20s I’d enjoy yourself for a couple of years as a couple. Travel (you can still travel with children, it just turns into a logistical nightmare) and just generally enjoy your time without any ties.

Re travelling, I'd probably disagree that it's all about what type of parent you are. I think a lot depends on what type of child you have

Well I have two children who couldn’t be any more different, and we still manage to travel. The key is to include them OP, dragging anyone along on something( let alone a child) is going to be met with resistance. If they feel like they have a say and are included then it makes for an easier life!
When we visit a new city the first thing my ds wants to do is find a park, so that’s what we do!! Then we do something touristy/educational but child friendly.

We go to restaurants that are more family friendly also but then I find most European cities are very family oriented and it’s ok for children to be in a restaurant at 9 at night. In an airport we find those areas where they can run around without bashing into others (usually at the end of the terminal) I don’t drag them through shops or expect them to sit quietly! That is what they need to do on the plane so I save it for there. As for keeping them quiet when needed I use a multitude of things, books colours, stickers etc and YES iPads!!

Another important part of parenting OP is to not get caught up in what you think others are thinking about you and your parenting style!! They will judge NO MATTER WHAT! So as long as you are happy and your children are not harming anyone then who cares what they think!! Good luck OP!

Sorry OP it is great.
You are doing the right thing making plans to be secure first.
Goodluck.
Enjoy your beautiful baby when you're ready to greet them. X

I'm loving being a parent, and have been very fortunate to have a very even tempered and cheerful little girl. But I was 33 when I had her and I am glad I waited because it does change life utterly and completely, and I am glad I waited until we had done what we wanted to do as a couple, got ourselves in a good financial position, got to a stage of careers where I could take full maternity leave and go back on my own terms whenever I want, not have to worry about money, be secure in my relationship... All these things have helped to make it enjoyable. If I'd had her ten years ago I'm sure I wouldn't have loved her any less, but I don't think it would be anywhere near as enjoyable (and I'd have had her with the wrong person!)

Trust me, I was the same

We did wait until the 'right' time and know we are really lucky but my god some days it is just a a slog.

Our lives with a toddler, who we love immeasurably, have changed beyond recognition, and I find it hard not to think back to those halcyon days with just the two of us. I really romanticised like you do, and even the pregnancy was a time of pure joy and anticipation. All the possibilities that lay ahead! Then, the reality sets in. All well and good until the little one is actually here!

I'm joking a bit, we are very in love with our son and he gives a wonderful new perspective to our lives, we are so proud of him, but trust me, get rid of that view of pushing a buggy in a contented way right now. Enjoy your time together first, be selfish and in love, then proceed!

It is lovely being a mum. Very hard in all sorts of ways.

But I am so so pleased I waited. x

yy blue .
Watch Michael Mcintyres "trying to leave house when you have children" sketch OP. Everything will be like that for at least a decade.

That is lovely OP and waiting a couple of years before having a baby sounds sensible, a friend of mine had a baby once she qualified as a vet nurse. I agree with PP make sure you have done plenty of things on your bucket list before you have a baby. By the time I had my LO I had done plenty of things I wanted as well as holidays and spontaneous meals out. For me I was ready to have a baby but I was in my late 30s by this point. Baby has been hard work and I can’t leave the house as she hates the car, pram and sling and cries every hour! I don’t mind if at all as I was prepared and ready to dedicate the next year to my baby, I don’t think I would have had the same mindset if I had my baby 10 years earlier! My MIL had my BIL aged 19 and DH aged 24 and resented them as she really hadn’t lived and felt she was missing out on her life. She regularly left my DH and his brother home with a babysitter so she could go clubbing every week so make sure you have lived before you have your baby!

Well I have two children who couldn’t be any more different, and we still manage to travel

You have a sample size of 2 there. Be careful in drawing big conclusions from it.

For what it’s worth I think it’s almost always possible to travel with kids. The question is ‘is it worth it’ and sometimes there’s so much planning, accommodating, hassle and exhaustion that it just isn’t.

All kids are different. Mine love pottering on the beach, but wouldn’t (at this age) get anything out of a city break and it wouldn’t be fair or beneficial to anyone to put them through it.

If the kids aren’t having a good time, then neither are you.

I'd like to apologise to those I may have caused upset to with my nonchalant attitude towards conceiving, healthy births and healthy babies at the end of it all. I suppose my naivety in all this led me to think 'it won't ever happen to me' which is what everyone thinks, including those it does happen to.

I think this thread has highlighted for me that every family is different, not necessarily down to different techniques but just because everyone is different. What works for some, may not work for others, even when following it to the last detail.

For us currently, we are lucky enough to be in a very fortunate position to have one income that provides for us more than we need, which may have led me in to a false sense of security with many other aspects of parenthood. Obviously you cannot prepare for something you truly do not grasp the scale of, I think that's where I am at now. Understanding that what I may plan in my mind, obstacles I am preparing for, may never happen or may be completely different when I am faced with them.

I am incredibly excited still, and do plan on taking the advice of getting things as sorted as I can before TTC.

Honestly the tiredness or the lack of travel is less of an issue than the cost of childcare and the impact it will have on your career development. Do you have family nearby, and would you anticipate being able to call on them for childcare? Not babysitting, but regular, reliable, allows-you-to-work childcare? Because if not, you need to research the cost of nursery/childminders, and work out if you can do that on your income. So often you see women posting here who've never really thought about the cost of childcare until they're pregnant, and then they realise that it outstrips their income. So they take a few years off, but that makes it harder to return to work, and they're stuck in a low-earning trap for years.

Honestly, focus on your financial stability right now. Get yourself into a good place with work, so you have some experience, if you're young. Holidays are nice, but they're not the bigger picture.

The tiredness is unreal as it's not the quantity of sleep it's the quality - having to wake every few hours means you never get to the truly deep relaxing sleep and it's not restorative, so I'm not sure night shifts will feel the same. Saying that lots of babies are ok sleepers.

Yes you can travel with a baby but it depends on the baby. One of mine slept anywhere, we'd just pop her in the buggy at her night time and recline it and she shut her eyes like one of those dolls! The other would only sleep if we kept a rigid routine and she was in her cot. I took a flight with her where she was out of her routine (only 1.5 hours thank god) and she kicked and screamed and writhed around the entire time. So although you might be able to do it, you will be in a minority as for most people the hassle just isn't worth it. So if there anywhere you really want to travel to, do it first, just incase.

MotherWol tiredness actually can be a bigger issue where you're genuinely severely sleep deprived to a health and mental state altering degree for years, rather than just getting up a few times per night for 6 months then not getting to sleep past 5:30am for a few years.

I agree about career impact though - but very much would not recommend relying on family for regular childcare, having seen a close friend loose her job and relationship with her mother that way...

I had my first at 22. Things I wished I’d done first are sort out a career (ie gone to Uni) and do a few more big trips abroad as I’ve not had the money to afford myself plus children to go.

The money side - good if you can get sorted but it isn’t the end of the world if not. You manage.

It’s hard to remember it’s not the rose tinted stuff all the time. It’s 24/7 forever whatever you feel like.

All that said - I’m glad I had my children and the eldest two are adults and are becoming equal company in that I can rely on them to help me as much as the other way round.

I have NC with parents and only speak to my DB and SIL. DH family live 400 miles away from us in Scotland. We would solely be relying on paid childcare for me to return to work - this is something we have considered.

Tonight, stay up till 1am, then set your alarm for 3, get up and stay up till 4, set alarm for 5, get up for the day. Tomorrow night, set the alarm for 2, then 3, then 4 then get up. Repeat for a week. By Friday the only alarm set will be for your next contraception appointment

Tbh my dd was a good sleeper. That was the least of my worries. But MN shows me over and over that some people (maternal maybe?) have eternal optimism and hope when it comes to kids, regardless of the realities. You sound like one of them, so you'll be grand.

Don't worry about it, OP! It's very nice of you to apologise, but TBH the main thing, really, is just to be aware it can happen. I think I sleep-walked into it and I remember being so absolutely shocked when it started to dawn on me that maybe it wouldn't be so easy for me to have a baby.

Don't have too many children, would be my advice.

I still shudder at the memories of nights in which autistic DC1 routinely wouldn't go to sleep till after midnight, baby DC3 would wake three times to feed between 1 and 5, and toddler DC2 would wake up for the day around 5:30, refreshed and chatty and delightful, and I would eye him with loathing.

Projectile vomit at 3am is a big one in our house for my two.

Crumbs everywhere.

Poo stained onesies and baby grows.

It really is magic.

I love my 4 month old to bits and wouldn't change him for the world. He genuinely content, very smiley and quite vocal. He started sleeping through at 3 months, I adore him. BUT then we have today!!!

You wanted a harsh reality, this has been my morning:
He got up at half 9 (he sleeps through to 5 has a feed and goes back down for a few more hours) I fed him and then put him on my bed while I showered and cleaned the bathroom, he screamed and cried, I went back through and talked to him, burped him. Once he was calm and settled, I went back to cleaning and he started crying. Moved him to his bouncer so he could watch me, continued whimpering and crying actual tears. I talked to him the entire time but needed to clean the bathroom so couldn't pick him up. Then went onto vacuum upstairs (his room, our room and the hallway, small house) he decided it was the perfect time to sick up all over my bed (I changed the bed Saturday) so I had to strip the bed, change him and he resumed crying at me. I couldn't console him for about an hour, I tried to feed him in that time but he didn't want to know.

Finally got him to take his 3rd feed, he gave me the best burps ever 😂 giggled and chattered at me, yay happy baby. Then I put him down to make lunch and he decided that he didn't want to have tummy time/lay on his back/sit in his bouncer do anything except have cuddles, even then still wanted to whine at me. Literally nothing would placate him. So I ate my lunch one handed with a grumpy child on my lap, at this point the dog started whining too.

Its only 3 and I'm ready to go back to bed. At least he's gone down for a nap and the dogs settled 😂 when dh gets home from work, he's on child duty and I'm going for a walk!

Yesterday dh and I took him swimming for then first time, he loved that and was a pleasent child all day haha.

My advice would be make sure you're ready to deal with days where you just want to shut yourself in the under stairs cupboard, or the baby 😂

I absolutely love being a parent but it is bloody hard work. It became fifty times harder when I had number 2, I actually found having one pretty easy and couldn't see what the fuss was about! It really does depend a lot on the child.

My second woke hourly for 18 months and has just started sleeping through at 2 now he has dropped his afternoon nap.

I would say that doing night shifts is no real comparison I'm afraid. I've worked nights in the past but you have time to catch up. Well I did, I got sleep in the day. You don't get sleep in the day when your toddler doesn't sleep and you're also looking after a 3 year old! Even if I hadn't had the 3 year old, the sleep thief only napped for 30 minutes at a time. He was actual torture and it made me physically ill on many occasions.

We travel(led) with a newborn now toddler, had no more than a few weeks without sleep, have plenty of walks, are often out past 5pm, and eat out regularly. I pee alone and we have locks on the cupboards!

Every child and parent is different. Yes life is different, but it doesn’t end. I would hope life would be a bit bloody different over five to ten years anyway. Things are hard, things are didficult, some days seem relentless and never ending and things go wrong and meltdowns are had, but again, that’s life and every day is different.

It’s absolutely wonderful op, hard but wonderful, and it’s lovely to look forward to!