Cafe wouldn’t let pregnant woman use toilet

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I’ve just ordered some breakfast for collection from a local cafe round the corner and had a quick flick through the reviews first. The most recent review is:

‘As a heavily pregnant lady went in desperate for the bathroom and they refused to let me use their toilet despite me being in tears and not close to anywhere else open. In a packed shop full of customers, they said no with no heart, no remorse, no feeling. Have never been more horrified, myself and my husband will never be using this place again’

I feel like it’s a bit harsh and the bit about there being nowhere to go close by is very untrue. There’s a Morrison’s maximum 5 minutes walk away with toilets. As a (second time) pregnant woman myself I wouldn’t get annoyed if an establishment didn't let me use staff toilets, I’d just find somewhere with public ones. The cafe gave a long response as to why they couldn’t let her use the bathroom. Mainly because their insurance didn’t cover customers in the staff area of the cafe and there were lots of boxes etc. laid about. If the pregnant woman had hurt herself then it probably wouldn’t have been good for them. They also said they managed to get the keys for the toilet in the opposite pub so it’s not like the reviewer didn’t get to use one. I think it was quite kind of them to go to the effort of making sure she used a bathroom.

Do you think she’s being reasonable or not? I think she’s being a bit U due to there being a Morrison’s so close by! (I’m not the cafe owner just interested in people’s views). My DM thinks they should have let her use it no questions asked purely because she was pregnant, I’m a little unsure

@frostedviolets You went into the staff only area to use the toilet?

Because my family were so hungry they insisted on ordering food anyway and I remember being really annoyed because I didst think they were deserving of our custom

Notwithstanding the fact the OP was referring to staff not customer toilets, surely they were deserving of your custom because you used the customer toilets?!

I just told them that I was going to find their toilet (as they wouldn't tell me where it was!) as otherwise I would end up pissing all over their floor and off I went, I found the loo and used it.

How did that work? Most are behind counters and till areas.

You went into the staff only area to use the toilet?

No.
I used the customer toilets.

They were unwilling to let me use them or tell me where they were without ordering food despite me pointing out my family who were seated outside waiting to order food.

I was heavily pregnant and had been stuck on a coach for hours.

I don't know how I managed to hold it in and not wee all over their floor truthfully.

And in the OPs example I think the cafe were unreasonable.

Regardless of whether it was staff loos or customer.

Some people need to use a toilet urgently or they will end up spoiling themselves, it's just basic kindness surely?!

**soiling

@JinglingHellsBells I appreciate that some people have health problems and may need to get to a loo urgently. What I was saying was that many eating places do not have toilets and plenty of people use them, myself included. All the posters on here saying they having never seen any eating place with no toilets and how on earth would they have any custom are just silly and annoying

I have no idea what the percentage of women that need the loo frequently is but not everyone does.

Unless you have a health problem surely having 1 or 2 drinks should not mean you need to go to the loo? I would be pretty worried if I had to go to the loo that often

Regardless of whether it was staff loos or customer.

There’s a huge difference between a staff loo and a customer loo in terms of insurance. It’s unkind of shops not to let people use the customer loo. It’s fine to say no to using the staff loo.

Regardless of whether it was staff loos or customer

The insurance implications are vastly different.

After she was turned away did she go into the nearest office and sit on @SoapAndFury’s chair?

I know people can be horrible in toilets and make a mess, but I'm not sure buying a drink or food in a cafe makes them any less likely to leave loo roll on, or wee over, the floor.

I think cafes are unreasonable to refuse access to their toilets (assuming they are not staff-only toilets). It's a medical need. They shouldn't be so precious. If you don't want to offer a service, don't be in the business at all.

Similarly, someone local to me has been trying to set up a system where people can go into cafes to get their water bottles filled with tap water. They wanted shops/cafes to put stickers on their windows to say they are taking part in the scheme but very few were willing to do so. I find that very sad.

Unless you have a health problem surely having 1 or 2 drinks should not mean you need to go to the loo? I would be pretty worried if I had to go to the loo that often clearly not a runner or a coffee drinker...

None of the 5 Greggs or 1 of the 2 Subway’s in our town have customer toilets. They all have just a small no of seats. There are at least 4 other “cafes” which do mostly take away trade but have counters you can sit at, which don’t have customer toilets. I used to work in catering and the guidelines were under a certain number of seats you didn’t need a customer toilet, if you did have one it had to meet certain standards though.
Just remembered there is another very small pizza restaurant with no customer toilets.

Sorry, Have to agree with others, if there is no public toilets that's up to the council to sort out.
The cafe's services are for paying customers, if she was that desperate she or her Dh should have bought a tea.
She is a pregnant woman so she should get to use the toilets?
what about a woman with a baby?
What about a child?
What about a special needs person?
What about a person with someone with the above?
How would like to be in a cafe where you had to queue up by ever tom dick and harry before being able to use the toilets.
Sorry this sounds like someone looking to be a victim because of their lack of awareness.

@havingtochangeusernameagain I certainly am a coffee drinker so I don't see what relevance that has to the amount of times someone needs the loo. I can drink quite a few largish cups of coffee while out but not need to go.

I don't get why everyone assumes if you are female and especially if you are older you need the loo frequently. I am mid 60's and rarely need to use loos outside of my home even if out most of the day. I also don't need to get up in the night to go. Oh and my mum is 90 and also never needs to get up in the night

@frostedviolets

Some people need to use a toilet urgently or they will end up spoiling themselves, it's just basic kindness surely?!

I've asked this several times and not received an answer. Does the café worker leave all the customers/till/food being cooked to supervise someone while they are in the staff area or allow a complete stranger to wander a secure area where the safe/staff belongings/staff private information is kept?

The cafe's services are for paying customers, if she was that desperate she or her Dh should have bought a tea.

No. There was not a customer toilet. Only a staff one. Entitled person referred to in the OP felt she should be allowed to use the staff one.

Unless you have a health problem surely having 1 or 2 drinks should not mean you need to go to the loo? I would be pretty worried if I had to go to the loo that often
@lynsey91 The point is there are a LOT of people with bladder and bowel problems. That's the whole point of my posting about it.

Your own experience of you and your Mum is hardly a large section of society. There are people with bladder and bowel diseases who may need a loo urgently, even if not so often. You will not know because they do not broadcast it, but life can be very difficult and restricted for them. Certainly people with overactive bladder would need a loo after drinking one and certainly 2 coffees. Older men with prostate issues (and that is actually most men over 50) need to pee very often.

People with normal bladders and bowels are quite ignorant of what it's like for a lot of the population who have some health issues and who need a loo more than once every 2 to 3 hours!

I would personally be less likely to visit a cafe that didn't have a customer toilet, but it's a business decision on their part.

I think generally the problem is that a lot of people are yucky! Businesses are aware of this and if they don’t have to let people use their toilets by law, why would they?

I have an accountancy office. A few times, we've had clients, who are mostly professionals, leave the toilet in a disgusting state. I cringe when a client asks to use the loo as we don't have a cleaner so I either have to clean the mess myself or it has to wait for a few days for the weekly office deep clean.

I think cafes are unreasonable to refuse access to their toilets (assuming they are not staff-only toilets). It's a medical need. They shouldn't be so precious. If you don't want to offer a service, don't be in the business at all.

Why the fuck should they be providing a public toilet to all and sundry? Ever had to clean up utter messes left by randoms who've used the toilet? I wouldn't want to work in a place where I was also expected to be a janitor to a public toilet.

All these people saying 'they' should provide public toilets, why are you not registering your home on a toilet app so people can know you're so full of the milk of human kindness you're more than willing to service a public bog?

@JinglingHellsBells I would be interested to know then what the percentage is of women and men who need to go to the loo so frequently and/or urgently.

I certainly don't need the loo every 2 to 3 hours. More like every 5 to 6 hours and I certainly drink plenty.

i appreciate that people have bladder and/or bowel disease but people just seem to think if you are female you must need the loo often especially as you get older. That is just not true.

I used the customer toilets.

They were unwilling to let me use them or tell me where they were without ordering food despite me pointing out my family who were seated outside waiting to order food.

The problem is that many people have poisoned the well and spoiled this for everybody. Of course, if you're giving them custom, there's no real difference if you use their toilet before, during or after you order and consume your purchases; but it's an excuse that so many people commonly pull.

There was another recent thread by a mum in a park whose young daughter was desperate and she was disgusted that the nearby chain restaurant (I forget which one it was) wouldn't allow her child to use their toilet without purchase. In her case, I don't think she was intending to buy anything anyway, but a lot of people were advising her that she should have asked for a table for two and sat down, sent her daughter to use the toilet whilst she (the mum) was perusing the menu and ostensibly planing their order and then, when the girl had finished, the mum was to stand up and declare that there was nothing on the menu they fancied and then both of them leave.

I can only assume the various people advising her to do this must have thought that nobody else would ever have dreamed up such a clever, foolproof plan as this before. Either that or that the waitress was born yesterday.

It's a shame, as plenty of people do go to restaurants and cafes as genuine customers and need the toilet before they order, but people like that ruin it for everybody else.

I think cafes are unreasonable to refuse access to their toilets (assuming they are not staff-only toilets). It's a medical need. They shouldn't be so precious. If you don't want to offer a service, don't be in the business at all.

But providing a toilet is not their business - it's a side service they offer to people who are using their business. Pharmacies sell may things that are medical needs for a lot of people, but they won't just give them out free to anyybody who asks for them.

In the run-up to Christmas, a number of shops offer a free gift-wrapping service, so that busy customers can just pay for their purchases and then take them away all ready for them to give to the recipients. Would you turn up to one of these shops with a couple of bin bags full of presents you've bought elsewhere (or even just one single present) and expect them to cheerfully start spending their time and resources on wrapping items that they never sold you? After all, why would they offer a service if it wasn't also open to non-customers too?