Cafe wouldn’t let pregnant woman use toilet

[searchingforlight]

I’ve just ordered some breakfast for collection from a local cafe round the corner and had a quick flick through the reviews first. The most recent review is:

‘As a heavily pregnant lady went in desperate for the bathroom and they refused to let me use their toilet despite me being in tears and not close to anywhere else open. In a packed shop full of customers, they said no with no heart, no remorse, no feeling. Have never been more horrified, myself and my husband will never be using this place again’

I feel like it’s a bit harsh and the bit about there being nowhere to go close by is very untrue. There’s a Morrison’s maximum 5 minutes walk away with toilets. As a (second time) pregnant woman myself I wouldn’t get annoyed if an establishment didn't let me use staff toilets, I’d just find somewhere with public ones. The cafe gave a long response as to why they couldn’t let her use the bathroom. Mainly because their insurance didn’t cover customers in the staff area of the cafe and there were lots of boxes etc. laid about. If the pregnant woman had hurt herself then it probably wouldn’t have been good for them. They also said they managed to get the keys for the toilet in the opposite pub so it’s not like the reviewer didn’t get to use one. I think it was quite kind of them to go to the effort of making sure she used a bathroom.

Do you think she’s being reasonable or not? I think she’s being a bit U due to there being a Morrison’s so close by! (I’m not the cafe owner just interested in people’s views). My DM thinks they should have let her use it no questions asked purely because she was pregnant, I’m a little unsure

The Pret A Manger in Bath has loads of seats but there are no toilets which I find really weird. There are public ones outside a minutes walk away but that's not much good if you want to go in the middle of your meal. I thought it was law there had to be one.

How's that any different to food courts in shopping centres etc where there is a central (usually huge) seating area surrounded by food outlets, with the actual toilets quite far away, sometimes a fair way down an aisle?

Colabottles "I hardly think I’m a “kindness martyr” for suggesting someone not let a pregnant woman risk piddling herself in their cafe because they could offer her the use of the loo."

The point is, all these pious comments (you are not the only one) saying how we should just be kind are:

(a) missing the very salient point about the logistical, practical and potentially legal issues of doing so (as thoroughly covered in the thread);
(b) completely ignoring the fact the cafe went out of their way to find her an alternative when they had no need to do so and she still left a shitty review;
(c) also ignoring the fact that pregnant women are not the only "needy" or "deserving" group, so where do you draw the line?;
(c) coming over like everyone who isn't immediately saying "ooh yes, be kind, be nice" like you, is being a cruel stone-hearted witch for laughs.

The Pret A Manger in Bath has loads of seats but there are no toilets which I find really weird. There are public ones outside a minutes walk away but that's not much good if you want to go in the middle of your meal. I thought it was law there had to be one.

Prets aren’t designed so that you linger over a ‘meal’, the busy ones want people in, grabbing a takeout sandwich or eating it quickly, and out again. Quieter ones don’t mind as much as do often have toilets. It’s not really a place you’d go and hang out having a leisurely lunch as you’d be taking up a table someone else might want to use for their quick bite so not offering toilets is one way to put off people who would spend a fiver but then sit there taking up a seat for an hour.

@FrancisCrawford actually yes. During the summer an elderly man was walking past my house and stopped to sit on the wall outside. I was out cleaning the windows and noticed He was out of breath and I asked if he was ok. We got chatting, he needed to use the loo, I let him and he was grateful and set slowly off again about his way. Nothing horrendous happened, imagine!

Actually something else has occured to me - who does everyone believe on the review - the pregnant lady’s Unnecessary review account of events OR the cafes “we did all we could” response to a bad review?

Thing is - someone has to clean up the toilets- used to be a waitress.. had a woman beg to use the loo- boss conceded and she left hastily without looking over or saying thanks or buying anything ... and the horror that awaited when it was time to clean the loos... the volume... the smell ... the trajectory it took... i don’t blame them for saying no.

During the summer an elderly man was walking past my house and stopped to sit on the wall outside. I was out cleaning the windows and noticed He was out of breath and I asked if he was ok. We got chatting, he needed to use the loo,

What If it has just been a random man just knocking at your door?
Or a woman with several children?
Or a teenager?

If you're going to be kind, surely you'd be kind to everyone, not just some people, right?

Not a chance I would let a stranger in.
Not really because of what they might do.

But because one thing this forum has taught me is just how batshit cf'ers are. And knowing my luck I would let someone in and they would refuse to leave. lol. I know coming here for advice would be a lot of omg what is wrong with you. Just let the person stay. You have dc's, make them share so the random person can use their room. 🤣

What happened with shed guy? I remember reading it. Is he still in the shed or some mnter house?

To be honest, he wouldn’t have made it up a stairs, he was barely able to make it to the downstairs loo bless him!! maybe it was my rural Irish upbringing and I am too trusting!? It’s just normal for how I was raised really.

@FrancisCrawford sorry to hear that, it must be awful to have had that happen and to know someone may do that. I was attacked at an atm by a nasty group of girls when I was in my late teens, it left me very anxious for a long time.

@BuzzShitbagBobbly I don’t know why you are implying it has to be all or nothing? I think you’re being a bit goady.

Why am I being goady? You (and several others, to be fair) have repeatedly said we should all be kind and allow random people to use private/non customer facing facilities, even in the face of quite logical and genuine reasons why that is not feasible.

And then you went on to say you walked the walk with the old man. But if your principle is based on kindness above all, as "normal" for you, then you can't pick and choose who the kindness applies to, because that means you are also applying reasons why someone should or should not access facilities.

Register your home on a find a toilet app, Cola. It's the kind thing to do.

ffswhatnext IIRC the OP contacted the authorities and the shed guy was moved on but oh, the hue and cry! 'He's not doing anything wrong!' (he's broken into the shed) and still banging on about how unkind it was to not want some random biding in the shed in your garden and compassion and how shit the world is that all garden sheds are not available to house whoever wants to stay in them blah blah blah.

It was almost as good as the one where the OP had inherited a house with tenants but needed to sell the place and was told to give it to the tenants for free, it's the kind thing to do, how awful it is to rent/find a new place to live . . .

@dontalltalkatonce

Thanks for the shed update.

Yea the house one was completely batshit. People tripping over themselves to find valid reasons why the op should just give the place away.

It's actually only a couple of posters suggesting the house be given away, and the idea is ridiculed by most other posters.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/property/2201323-I-want-to-evict-a-tenant-who-has-been-there-for-40-years

Yes - but the shed (and perhaps the homeless man in shed one) were perhaps peak Mumsnet...

Staff toilets are in staff areas where there are probably personal belongings stored. If I worked there I wouldn’t be happy about random people being allowed to use staff facilities - they could rob the place. People are so self entitled these days.

I was in Grimsby few weeks ago a older male customer I think he was a local this lady very pregnant lady came in and asked to use the loos all was well until she came out of the loos and this older male a customer started on her and other members of staff and other customers he reduced this lady and her mum to tears and then was asked to leave by one member of cafe staff i saw and heard everything that went on it felt uncomfortable and also felt very intimidated and one sided the pregnant lady didn't start of all of this she was with her mum and just asked a member of staff if she could use the loos. I just felt so sorry for her the way she was treated not just by the older male but also by the staff as well

This is a 6 year old thread you bumped to tell a story that doesnt even make sense??????????

I think she needs to learn the difference between cafe and public toilet!

Surely the wee must have evaporated anyway with 6 years of leg crossing!

As a mum of 3 I think she was being unreasonable. Some pregnant women become very entitled. Pregnacy isn't an illness

Lol