To ask if you would marry a man with no kids?

[Celebrationschocs]

If you had 3 children of your own?

@Hannahmates, a lot will, though.

That should have been, so her BF stays over when the children are there, because I am her only overnight babysitter and I can only have them one night a week.

I wouldn't remarry if I was divorced or widowed, but that's because I have reasonablely considerable assets, which I want my dc to inherit without half automatically becoming a husband's.

I wouldn't partner with another man with children under 18 though as I'm not interested in being a step mum. I also don't want any more children so I guess I'd either have to find someone who doesn't want children of their own (but then unlikely to want to be with me, unless they're a freeloader, so that doesn't sound great) or have grown up children (so in all likelihood would be at least 10 years older than me).

Coming to the conclusion that I'd probably end up being single if I was in that situation!

I cant imagine bringing someone into my ds's home. And definitely not with their own children. I can't do the whole stepchildren and blended family life. My ds shouldnt ever have to share his space or put at any disadvantage for other children.

Completely agree with Baby ^

My ds inheritance or my financial situation will definitely not be split with other children and I wont ever split my time or money on them. I would prefer to be single. Or until my ds is an adult and moved away from home.

I married someone with no children it was the worst mistake ever.....he totally did not get it and was a spoilt man child never again we are divorced thank god but did terrible damage to me and my daughter's relationship x

I wouldn't marry again full stop.

Too much too protect now.

I don’t see a person having their own children the benchmark of whether or not they are a good parent. That comes through observation over time.

I would have thought it easier to marry a man with no kids than blending families. I wouldn’t be interested in remarrying personally. But no, this wouldn’t put me off.

I watch and observe people and their behaviour and believe it takes time to truly know someone. The issue comes when people hide their true self, where people move in together too quickly and / or ignore red flags.

I think it very much depends on the person in question and your situation! My best childhood friend’s mother remarried after having her first child and then had my best friend (kids were 5 years apart). The man she married treated the first child as his own. Eventually when the first child was old enough, he changed his last name to his “step” fathers, who he considers his real fathers. And the siblings are super close. You would never know they were half siblings.

My mum remarried when I was 9 and my sister was 7. Unfortunately for all she married a paedo.
What I'll say is the whole family dynamic changed. It was like navigating your way through a minefield. Roll on many years and I become a single parent. After vowing that I'd never live with anyone, my boyfriend moved in because he had nowhere else to go. Turns out this is the best thing that could have happened for my child as he was a fabulous stepdad and he enabled me to become a better parent myself. My child (now grown uloves him to bits. So what I'm saying is sometimes it can turn out for the best, you just won't know beforehand.

I think a man without kids would struggle to understand the pecking order and the realities of kids coming first. Also I doubt after 3 kids I personally would want anymore so if he wanted kids that would be a hurdle too

I would never marry a man that has children again.

I have four of my own.

I am about to marry a man with no children.

I have 2 children and if I was to split with DH I wouldn’t even consider a serious relationship with a man who has children, let alone marry one. I’d rather be on my own.

I thought this was going to say "no money/job" and I'd respond no. No way. Not again after the last time.

If he grew to love my kids and we were all happy, emotionally, financially, I would. Totally.

I have 2 children and if I was to split with DH I wouldn’t even consider a serious relationship with a man who has children, let alone marry one. I’d rather be on my own.

This ^^

I find the OP's position completely topsy turvy.

That would mean that you are not marrying for love and your love is conditional. Everything depends on the circumstances. If I was young and free, it would probably be a big no. Now I an older, I would expect him to have children and a past. If he was a feckless father from tons of 1 night stands who contributes nothing, I would run but if he is a good father great. If he has none, that is also fine as he may not have wanted them or been in the right relationship. It is up to you to work out your own stance and morals on this but you do not sound near the marrying stage.

@Celebrationschocs

Why do you want to marry him? If I had my time again I would never have got married just lived with my partner. I hate being called "the wife" by him and his colleagues because I am not just a wife and mother I am person in my own right.

I wouldn't marry at all, or move someone in.

I clashed with my own stepdad and ended up moving out at 17. I won't ever put my DS in that position.

If I divorced then I would wait a long while before getting married again. As I have already altered their life massively. The reason behind it don't matter, but children deserve to be considered. Introducing a new man to the family will disrupt their home life again. Learning to live with another adult, who will no doubt have their own quirks and adding salt to the wound would try to parent them. Step parents do parent/ care for the children, they are humans to afterall. If a man refused this I would show him the door. There would be so much pressure not to break up the new relationship if your children take a good liking/ bond really well with them. If you break up the next relationship then they might feel abandoned by their ex step parent.

Adding other children to the mix with their own challenges is likely to cause some sibling rivalry. It happens with full blood related siblings what is stopping it happening to step children? Who themselves might have other parent who has a lot of cash to splash on them. Whilst your children get the minimum from the parent who don't live with them.

So I would want to avoid that, during their younger years. But I have seen people who managed it really well. I don't think I'm going to be similar to them as our personalities are different to them.

A man with no kids can be a bigger headache as I seen only one example off it. That relationship to me looks to much work for little benefit. He is literally jelouse of her kids and competes for her attention . Maybe my mind would change if I see a good example in real life.

It’s not relevant. Marriage is between you and your partner. It should not matter whether they have children or not.

Not if I wanted to re-enact The Brady Bunch, just wouldn’t work without his 3 kids as well.

I wouldn't marry again now as I like being single too much and don't want to have to shell out a load of money yet again to a man (my first husband got 59%) and I cannot see the point of having someone stayiing here either. I did consider it in my 40s when I was divorced with 5 children and saw some lovely men some with children and some without so did consider the child issue - then in my 40s with 40 years of marriage behind me I did want someone who had had children - most of the men I saw either had children who were grown up as they were may age or older or had a child over about 10; one was widowed but 2 children were away at boarding school and only one at home.

For people withyout children it is simpler to marry someone who has none and then you are an equal footing.

It is hard enough to agree with a husband who to deal with and treat your own genetic children never mind adding step children into the mix so I tihnk it is has been pretty helpful for my 5 that I have not remarried nor eve moved a boyfriend in.

I couldn't be more grateful that my young widowed mother married my stepdad. He had been my father’s friend, and was the best stepdad I could have had. Thanks to him I had a (half) brother, we couldn’t have been closer. Dad adopted me and I had his name as well as my own. He treated me as his own daughter, and I loved him like a father. I realise it doesn’t always work like that but it did for us.

@PlanDeRaccordement I disagree, when you already have children from previous relationships marriage is not just about you and your partner. You have to consider the children also.

I hear stories from younger colleagues of both sexes, about the expectations put upon them whilst dating by people without children. They just don’t get that they are not centre of the universe. I would have concerns.

Don’t think I’d ever remarry if DH & I split up. Way past the age of having more children, so can’t see the point