Fucking Christmas presents

[Somesortofzilla]

Right NC but been around a while. Cancel the cheque, Mexican house thief, penis breaker, softzilla, mrs jolly etc etc

Anyway, as the title suggests I'm having a but of a problem with the subject of Christmas presents.

Quick background. I'm a single parent, and I'm close friends with a couple who have 2 DCs similar ages to my 2 DC. Firstly to avoid confusion: husband is Alan, wife is Babs. Obvs not their real names. I have been good friends with Alan since school, so over 20 years now, and have been friends with Babs for about 8 years. I met her through Alan. Our eldest 2 DC are in school together and they're good friends in their own right!

Anyway onto my problem. Today I called over with the kids to their house. A mutual friend was there as well. We were sat at the table chatting (kids off playing) and the subject of Christmas costs came up.we were being careful to talk in code in case little ears were listening. My eldest dc is 8 similar in age to their eldest. I said in our house Santa gets them one present each and the rest are from me and other family members. Santa can't get them really big/expensive things, he just doesn't have time. Eldest has a small concept of money so gets that he can't have whatever he wants as I just can't afford it. Babs said in their house it's basically a free for all (her words) and whatever the kids want santa brings. She uses it as bribery for the xmas period. Don't we all . Basically the better they are the more presents they get. At this point all 4 kids arrived in, my DS asks what she meant and she said "well DS, my kids are so good before xmas Santa gets them loads of extra presents"
DS kind of stands there, "Santa only gets me and my brother one present each"
The twat looks at him smiles and says "maybe if you're really good this year you'll get more"
There was a few seconds of awkward silence before Alan suggested the kids get the Lego out and brought them away. Mutual friend told Babs that saying that yo my DS wasn't on. I told Babs that she should have changed the subject, she'd really upset DS. At this point she got defensive and said I should get over it, santa isn't actually real, what's the issue. I got the kids and left.
DS has already asked me if he's been really bad the last few years.

TBH I'm fucking fuming, she didn't have to say anything to DS. She could have said anything else, changed the subject, distracted them. The second comment just felt like she was sticking the boot in. I get everyone treats Christmas differently and that's a personal thing.

AIBU to be upset by this or am I treating my kids like snowflakes?

I have to say, I have a Dutch husband, so Sinterklaas came on December 5th.
I am British so Father Christmas came on december 25th.
We lived in a Central Asian country where Grandfather Frost (same as FC but wears green) comes on December 31st.

It was pretty hard to sustain any kind of 'belief' in them all. So we didn't try.
That didn't stop all my kids totally feeling the magic, and sitting wide eyed in awe and wonder as daddy came in dressed as Sinterklaas with a bag of presents. Until they were 7 they 100% believed that Sinterklaas himself appeared at our house every year.
Given that my dh has very distinctive hair and voice and glasses, they had an amazing ability to suspend reality and just go with the magic of the moment.

We assume magic is only their because they 'believe in Santa' actually nagic is there because of excitment, suspense, the unknown, the wonder of waking up to a heavy stocking, the specialness of it all. I always knew Santa wasn't real, (blame 2 older brothers for that) I still 100% bought into the magic as a child.

Babs is a first class bitch!

She’d have a field day in our house as Santa is only the delivery man! It’s us that buy the presents and Santa just brings them on Christmas morning.

@Ponoka7 I did think that it would be able to span all beliefs and cultures but it was only a draft and I'm open to all modifications

@CameraTime yes absolutely should be part of Brexit. And I think it would mean that it would be achieved quicker because it's a concept that most politicians can handle being children themselves. Whereas the more complex difficult points they have trouble with.

Poor you and poor ds , Babs is an arsehole

You should have throat punched Babs

Some people are just morons.

it's the same with the elf - yes, it's new, yes some parents do it, others don't. Why should anyone care? You still find so many judgmental idiots who laugh at families with / or without the elf.

If no one can spend a simple Christmas without being harshly judged about the traditions you follow or create, the world has no chance in hell to getting better any day soon.

Even some famous WW1 soldiers managed a truce at Christmas - but bitchy idiots can't even manage that.

Instead of spoiling it for "friends" children, they should bring a bit of cheer to kids who have nothing. Much better use of energy.

Babs is a bitch. In our family the DC can only ask for one present: they think super carefully. He always brings them two, their request and a little surprise.

This is because I don't want brats as kids. Nor do I want a house full of shite. (With 4DC we are already drowning!)

The presents under the tree are from family and friends.

She's a dick. I could maybe understand if she just said it without thinking on the spot then felt awful afterwards when she realised how badly she'd messed it up. But she didn't apologise and hasn't contacted you?

I would do one of two things. My first thought was as others have said, tell DS that she lies about the extra presents to her kids.

Or I'd just tell him that father Christmas isn't real and I'd tell him not to tell his little brother but I wouldn't specifically tell him not to tell his friend. If Bab's son finds out from him then you can apologise but say you were left with no choice but honesty after he was so upset thinking how naughty he must be to have only ever had one gift from father Christmas.

He must be on the cusp of belief now anyway. You telling him she is lying will only plant a seed. But you are the best judge of which he will take better and how sensitive he is.

Time to tell DS the truth. That Santa isnt real. Once he knows and he may let slip to Babs children she will know how it feels now wont she?

Well. Babs is a nasty piece of work isn't she? That's a really mean thing to say to a child.

This year is the first year that my now 3 year old DD is really beginning to get an idea of 'Santa' and Christmas as a concept. We intend to do the 'Santa brings one (small) present and mummy and daddy buy the rest' bit. I do like the idea of Santa being the delivery man. I might use that.

Well Babs handled that startlingly badly, but these things are bound to happen when we go to great lengths to fashion unlikely fictions.

Do 8 year olds really believe 100% in FC? Do they need to? Can’t we all have a great time acting as if it’s all true?

Just say to your kids “presents are never about being good or bad. Gifts are gifts and are given because the giver wants to create happiness. In this house presents come because you are loved. Xx and yy don’t get Christmas presents from their Mum and Dad like you do. And no you are not bad. You are the kindest, loveliest children. Presents are fun, but the most important thing is that we all love each other and have a happy time together.

My DS is very little, I had not thought of this situation. We usually get DS one present from us and Santa gets the rest ( some are second hand, Santa is frugal here) Usually Santa buys one main toy though. Maybe you just need to explain she was talking about stocking toys, unless you don't do stockings.?

I feel sad that some people are saying and 8 year old shouldn't believe ! 8 is still very much a little kid geezo people let them have their magic !!

Babs is a cow. And using Father Christmas as a discipline tool is weak, mean-spirited parenting.

Jeez who needs enemies when you’re ‘friends’ with Babs! Awful self-centred cow. Really really mean of her to say that AND then get defensive rather than apologise for being a thoughtless insensitive bitch.
Yes 8 year olds still believe. Still peak age for enjoying the ‘magic’

Wow! A lot of replies! Sorry, was getting school and work stuff ready for the morning not ignoring

Thanks to everyone who commented, I'll take my time and read through them all in a bit.

Yes, I know DS has pretty much figured it out, and this was probably my last year with it. But that's not really the point, what pissed me off more than anything, is when he asked what she meant, she could have said ANYTHING. But she chose to continue the conversation and that second comment..oooh I could swing for her!

DS and I had a chat and I went down the route of "presents are paid for" mum having fuck all spare cash has no reflection on whether you're a good person or not. And that's the way his mind went with it. He's accepted this, but I know he's half thinking if he was better he might get more. He's a good kid, no angel, but he doesn't get in trouble, has good friends, he's not bold and he's not bad. Think the magic is def gone for hom this year though.

I've had comments from her before and honestly if it weren't for Alan and the kids I'd have little to do with her. She really thinks that a financial struggle involves a shopping trip without the afternoon tea. Alan's parent's are quite well off and they support him and his family for the most part. So she genuinely doesn't understand why people just don't buy everything they want when they want it. I don't think she cares either

JusticeForSandra
I wholeheartedly agree.
I personally go above and beyond to inject the magic in to Christmas but that’s my choice. As a consequence we’ve amassed quite a collection of family traditions over the years (oldest dc is in 20’s youngest is under 10). No one’s going to tell me how I should bloody do Christmas but believe me they’ve tried.

Here are some free things which could help to make your DC feel little bit better
www.moneysavingexpert.com/deals/free-santa-letter-video/

Can I suggets that you add in some family traditions to celebrate how special you think they are?

How about when decorating the tree you try and think of one nice thing you had done or shared together since the last time you put it up. Could be really small
I noticed how you play with your brother even when the game is a bit young for you.
I notice you huge smile and it makes my heart happy

and so on.

On tradition I have done with mine, is I buy them one Christmas decoration every year. They each have a shoebox with their decoration in and they have great fun taking them out every year. When they eventually leave home they will take it with them.

Babs is an absolute cunt.

Santa has never bought expensive presents here. Ever. Even the years we have been flush, because I know there will be years when we aren’t.

Babs is a cunt. I wouldn't be spending time with her again.