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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Fucking Christmas presents

121 replies

Somesortofzilla · 17/11/2019 18:07

Right NC but been around a while. Cancel the cheque, Mexican house thief, penis breaker, softzilla, mrs jolly etc etc

Anyway, as the title suggests I'm having a but of a problem with the subject of Christmas presents.

Quick background. I'm a single parent, and I'm close friends with a couple who have 2 DCs similar ages to my 2 DC. Firstly to avoid confusion: husband is Alan, wife is Babs. Obvs not their real names. I have been good friends with Alan since school, so over 20 years now, and have been friends with Babs for about 8 years. I met her through Alan. Our eldest 2 DC are in school together and they're good friends in their own right!

Anyway onto my problem. Today I called over with the kids to their house. A mutual friend was there as well. We were sat at the table chatting (kids off playing) and the subject of Christmas costs came up.we were being careful to talk in code in case little ears were listening. My eldest dc is 8 similar in age to their eldest. I said in our house Santa gets them one present each and the rest are from me and other family members. Santa can't get them really big/expensive things, he just doesn't have time. Eldest has a small concept of money so gets that he can't have whatever he wants as I just can't afford it. Babs said in their house it's basically a free for all (her words) and whatever the kids want santa brings. She uses it as bribery for the xmas period. Don't we all Grin. Basically the better they are the more presents they get. At this point all 4 kids arrived in, my DS asks what she meant and she said "well DS, my kids are so good before xmas Santa gets them loads of extra presents"
DS kind of stands there, "Santa only gets me and my brother one present each"
The twat looks at him smiles and says "maybe if you're really good this year you'll get more"
There was a few seconds of awkward silence before Alan suggested the kids get the Lego out and brought them away. Mutual friend told Babs that saying that yo my DS wasn't on. I told Babs that she should have changed the subject, she'd really upset DS. At this point she got defensive and said I should get over it, santa isn't actually real, what's the issue. I got the kids and left.
DS has already asked me if he's been really bad the last few years.

TBH I'm fucking fuming, she didn't have to say anything to DS. She could have said anything else, changed the subject, distracted them. The second comment just felt like she was sticking the boot in. I get everyone treats Christmas differently and that's a personal thing.

AIBU to be upset by this or am I treating my kids like snowflakes?

OP posts:
LL83 · 17/11/2019 18:46

Babs is really horrible, really stupid or both. Glad other friend commented to her. I would tolerate her for sake of friendship with alan and kids but would no longer consider her a friend.

@Lulualla explanation is ideal but no way should babs have put you in that position.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 17/11/2019 18:46

We've always told ours that Santa brings every child 1 present, and will collect toys etc that children have grown out of to take to kids that parents can't afford to buy them many presents in the run up to Christmas. It's not on to tell children they don't get presents because they misbehave when in reality the parents just can't afford it.

BeanBag7 · 17/11/2019 18:46

"Sit your 8 year old son down and tell him that Santa only brings 1 present for every child, but sometimes parents pretend all the presents are from Santa so the kids don't get confused on Christmas day. Tell him you've never pretended because you knew he'd understand that one was from Santa and the rest from family."

Great idea

middlemuddle · 17/11/2019 18:47

Omg! No I'd be absolutely fuming. Just say she was lying, I would.

Bluetrews25 · 17/11/2019 18:50

So you have just over 4 weeks to tell Babs' DCs that Santa will bring them stuff no matter how they behave. (Get your DCs to do it)
Or that Santa does not really exist.

reluctantbrit · 17/11/2019 18:50

How ridiculous of your friend to say anything about your Christmas traditions.

We never ever use naughty or nice or any other threat a out presents. DD knows she gets presents because she is loved and I actually never knew if she thought Santa brings them as his gifts or just delivers them.

She got plenty from us as well, often to manage expectations or to put up rules like the year she asked for a tablet.

Tell your DS that ?Santa does things differently depending on each family and that it has nothing to do with being naughty or nice.

Mummyoflittledragon · 17/11/2019 18:51

Babs took the piss out of your dcs for only having one present then told you that you were overreacting. I’d be really upset too.

What Lualla said is brilliant.

Mammajay · 17/11/2019 18:52

Polly that was what I used to tell my children.less worrying than have you been as good as your friend because they got more gifts

TheKitchenWitch · 17/11/2019 18:58

If you must continue to do the whole Santa things then just explain that every family does it differently and Santa adapts as necessary. The overall number if presents doesn’t change though, it’s just a case if who gives what.
There must be loads of kids on your ds’s class who don’t do it the same way as you. Some won’t do any Santa stuff, or indeed any Christmas things at all.

Babybel90 · 17/11/2019 18:58

Babs is setting herself up for the day her kids ask why mum and dad don’t get them any presents and why they only get presents from Santa Grin

converseandjeans · 17/11/2019 18:59

That is mean of her. Not everyone can afford to buy everything off the list. We definitely can't afford that. We also don't use FC as a bribe.

dinosaurusrun · 17/11/2019 18:59

Agreed, Babs is a dick of the highest order.

What lulu said is excellent and I'd tell him that.

RandomMess · 17/11/2019 18:59

A friend got around this by explaining that mum and dad still have to send the money to Santa and he delivers them so that's why some children get more than others because not everyone can send Santa as much money.

If you're naughty Santa doesn't deliver at all...

DriftingLeaves · 17/11/2019 19:00

Most 8 year olds have worked out the truth about Santa, or been told in the playground. Maybe now's the time to explain.

StroppyWoman · 17/11/2019 19:01

Babs is an asshole.

And lots of children believe up to 10 or 11. Basically it's all over before secondary school but before that it's a crap shoot.

floraloctopus · 17/11/2019 19:03

Santa shouldn't bring any presents for Babs, she's a nasty piece of work.

HuloBeraal · 17/11/2019 19:04

In my DS’s Y3 class very few have worked out the truth (possibly none at all) so it may well be he still believes (or would like to). I think saying, Santa gives one present, the rest is from family and some families pretend they are all from Santa is perfectly reasonable.

HermioneWeasley · 17/11/2019 19:04

Babs is an asshole.

FWIW, we could have afforded more but the kids got one thing from Santa, and they were always told that parents have to send Santa the money for the present, so they knew there was a cap! It just gets out of hand otherwise

itsgettingweird · 17/11/2019 19:04

Babs isn't a friend.

Friends don't a) deliberately undermine you in front of your kids and b) upset your children

My ds always thought his sack was from Santa. Small velour thing he's had since his first Xmas when he was months old!

It's not even a gift! It's lots of little useful and fun things.

Big presents are from family and labelled and given by them from them.

RadicalFern · 17/11/2019 19:07

Babs is getting coal in her stocking this year...

Snaga · 17/11/2019 19:11

We've always done this too. Father Christmas has different wrapping paper to us and leaves little goodies in their stockings (basically chocolate!)

Father Christmas brings them the one gift they know better than to ask me for (6 foot monkey FFS). My husband and I are responsible for everything else.

We've always told our girls that Father Christmas only brings one gift and little treats to good children. Anyone who doesn't get the gift from Father Christmas is either naughty or doesn't properly believe so their parents have to get them all their gifts.

I've sworn them to secrecy that they mustn't ruin Christmas for other children even if they are on the naughty or don't believe list because that might take them off Father Christmas' list then they wont have the fun present and goodies.

It worked with my eldest until she left primary school, and it's working with my youngest (my eldest is now happily part of the magic deception).

A little bit of magic is lovely at Christmas...even for confirmed Grinches like me. Babs is an arse for trying to sabotage your Christmas!

SafetyAdvice0FeedWhenAgitated · 17/11/2019 19:11

Retaliate by explaining to her kids that Santa lives in Lapland, Finland and so they should enjoy this Christmas because he might not get visa and raindeers might have to stay in quarantine next year so no Christmas 2020😁

I am only joking of course. Babs is a dick.

Milanimilani · 17/11/2019 19:16

I think its nice that everyone does Christmas a little bit different from each other and terrible of Babs to say that. I always go for the stocking only, and lo has always known that other people do it differently.

MilkTrayLimeBarrel · 17/11/2019 19:18

Well, Babs is delightful! Just what sort of expectations is she instilling in her children? That they can have whatever they want - always?

madcatladyforever · 17/11/2019 19:23

Don't you think 8 is a little old to believe in santa? This is the problem with lying to kids about old bearded men. I'd worked out there was no santa by 4 as my single mother was mentailly ill and dirt poor and I rarely got anything compared to all my friends. I knew that there was no santa.