Fucking Christmas presents

[Somesortofzilla]

Right NC but been around a while. Cancel the cheque, Mexican house thief, penis breaker, softzilla, mrs jolly etc etc

Anyway, as the title suggests I'm having a but of a problem with the subject of Christmas presents.

Quick background. I'm a single parent, and I'm close friends with a couple who have 2 DCs similar ages to my 2 DC. Firstly to avoid confusion: husband is Alan, wife is Babs. Obvs not their real names. I have been good friends with Alan since school, so over 20 years now, and have been friends with Babs for about 8 years. I met her through Alan. Our eldest 2 DC are in school together and they're good friends in their own right!

Anyway onto my problem. Today I called over with the kids to their house. A mutual friend was there as well. We were sat at the table chatting (kids off playing) and the subject of Christmas costs came up.we were being careful to talk in code in case little ears were listening. My eldest dc is 8 similar in age to their eldest. I said in our house Santa gets them one present each and the rest are from me and other family members. Santa can't get them really big/expensive things, he just doesn't have time. Eldest has a small concept of money so gets that he can't have whatever he wants as I just can't afford it. Babs said in their house it's basically a free for all (her words) and whatever the kids want santa brings. She uses it as bribery for the xmas period. Don't we all . Basically the better they are the more presents they get. At this point all 4 kids arrived in, my DS asks what she meant and she said "well DS, my kids are so good before xmas Santa gets them loads of extra presents"
DS kind of stands there, "Santa only gets me and my brother one present each"
The twat looks at him smiles and says "maybe if you're really good this year you'll get more"
There was a few seconds of awkward silence before Alan suggested the kids get the Lego out and brought them away. Mutual friend told Babs that saying that yo my DS wasn't on. I told Babs that she should have changed the subject, she'd really upset DS. At this point she got defensive and said I should get over it, santa isn't actually real, what's the issue. I got the kids and left.
DS has already asked me if he's been really bad the last few years.

TBH I'm fucking fuming, she didn't have to say anything to DS. She could have said anything else, changed the subject, distracted them. The second comment just felt like she was sticking the boot in. I get everyone treats Christmas differently and that's a personal thing.

AIBU to be upset by this or am I treating my kids like snowflakes?

I think you have to lay the ground work with kids. One of my dd8's closest friends is a Jehovah's witness. We've dealt with the 'why doesn't santa visit x?' question by saying that Santa respects every parents decision, and if they do not celebrate Christmas, he helps the parents to treat the children in other, secret ways. I also have a dn who is 8 and SIL and BIL do Christmas completely different from us. DN only gets stocking presents from Santa and tjhe rest from her parents. In our house, Santa brings everything. We read this book about Christmas around the world that showed how Santa does different things for different cultures which helped to sell the idea that Santa does things differently for every family because all families are different. But yes, Babs is a twat and yanbu.

Does your DS8 really believe still? Regardless, she’s no friend, is she? That was a really stupid and nasty thing for her to say.

@Wizzbangpop This is why I think that there should be international code about what is in Santa's remit for presents and what parents get and everyone sticks to it. Same goes for how much a tooth is worth from the tooth fairy.

This. We need some kind of international agreement on Santa.

My 8 yo still, wholeheartedly believes. 100%.

I'm surprised an 8 year old hasn't worked it out yet that its your parent/s that bring you presents.
I'd just tell him that Mum buys the presents and cant afford loads because I'm a single parent etc. An 8 year old will be able to get that. I'd tell him its was nothing to do with being good or not.

Babs is a mile out of order making criticisms of your Christmas traditions/arrangements, who does that??! What on earth was she thinking?! How can she justify herself, has Alan said anything to you?

Babs is a cunt.

Do what was suggested upthread and tell him that Babs just pretends that everything is off Santa. But we all know that’s impossible as there’s no room on the sleigh.

I hate that people use Santa as discipline, hate that some people say only good children get presents.

Babs is a twat and I’m glad your mutual friend told her off!

Tell your DS there is no Santa. Arrange a play date with Babs asap so he can share the news with her DC.

I hope Santa puts coal in Babs' stocking. And a reindeer knocks over a vase and poos on the rug.

(also think honesty is now your best way forward with DS. Poor little thing worrying he's not been good enough)

In our house Santa was only the delivery method. They knew that their presents were bought by family and friends and that Santa just brought them all on Christmas Eve.

Santa has a lot to answer for and I think (and always have done) that Xmas time can bring out the worst in many families. Boasting of how much they spend etc and how their kids have everything possible a kid can want. Are they too thick to realise they are not doing themselves or the children any favours?!

What happened to being grateful for anything wrapped up in crinkly paper and pretending to be grateful even if the gift itself is a bit of a disappointment. I know times change and many of us older people can hark back to the days when the orange and some silver coins were at the bottom of the woolly stocking on Xmas morning. But now it seems that greed has well and truly taken over.

(I am without doubt a mature person in years but I swear I heard the reindeers on our house roof when I was 6 years old and no one can tell me otherwise!)

There is little magic left at this time of year now, not even for the younger children who still believe in Santa. Don't get me started on the grottos in shopping centres either! Fat old men (or young ones pretending to be old) dressed up and chatting up little children. Don't talk to strangers little one but just this once you can go into a little shed and be all shy and nervous in front of a man dressed up and in disguise. Sorry I went overboard there but had to say it.

Remember the saying "I want never gets"

No such things as xmas lists when I was small. You could drop hints and hope and pray you got what you wished for but writing a list would have been unthinkable.

What a truly nasty piece of work Babs is
A friend like her you don't need!
I think if it's got to the stage that your DS is getting upset about Christmas presents, and what Babs has said it might be kinder to come clean about Santa. It's only a matter of time before he gets that reality made known to him. It'll be better coming from you, rather than cruel kids in the playground, or other nasty people like Babs.

Absolute cow

Jesus, what a complete and utter bitch.

Babs is getting a shit tonne of coal. You are getting a shovel and an alibi. Love Santa x

SafetyAdvice 😂😂😂

Babs won’t get ANY presents from Santa this year.

@madcatladyforever totally misses point of thread. Its not up to nasty Babs to ruin a child's feelings about Christmas and whether he has been good. Kids will believe until they are ready to know the reality.

@Somesortofzilla I feel for you, but echo the point of 99% of posters on here that Babs is a cow. Only you know best how to bring it up with your son. There were some good suggestions on here about Santa being the delivery method. I'd also suggest going a bit deeper and explaining about the magic of Christmas and the meaning of Christmas and how some greedy pigs with money to burn just don't get it and try to overspend in a way to bribe their kids to behave or make up for some misery in their lives and then broadcast it to everyone about how amazing their Christmas was because they spent a fortune on tatt. He's 8. He'll get it

1. Babs is a bitch of the highest order
2. It's not Santa, it's Father Christmas.

Oooooooohhhhhh, what a cow.

Something similar happened to me a couple of years ago. My eldest asked if she was not as good as other children because some got bikes and she only got chocolate coins, dvd and a magic painting book from him! I explained that everyone gets only one present from Santa, but some parents like to buy extra and pretend they're from santa too, because they're a bit strange.

Your son is eight so I would sit him down and reinforce that, "Santa only buys one present for all the children in the world. Babs told a lie to her children to make then behave better. She actually buys the extra presents and pretends that they're from santa too. Shes a bit werid isn't she?!"

Don't you think 8 is a little old to believe in santa?

That is so sad. Kids only really "get" Santa when they're 3ish so I'd like to think they have more than 4-5 years of believing!

Nasty fucking bitch

Your poor little boy

And she was blatantly using him to dig at you for how you do it

Re-evaluate the friendship

Depending on how badly you want your child to still believe it might be worth having The Talk so that DS can forget the idea that he is less liked by Father Christmas than his friends.