Fucking Christmas presents

[Somesortofzilla]

Right NC but been around a while. Cancel the cheque, Mexican house thief, penis breaker, softzilla, mrs jolly etc etc

Anyway, as the title suggests I'm having a but of a problem with the subject of Christmas presents.

Quick background. I'm a single parent, and I'm close friends with a couple who have 2 DCs similar ages to my 2 DC. Firstly to avoid confusion: husband is Alan, wife is Babs. Obvs not their real names. I have been good friends with Alan since school, so over 20 years now, and have been friends with Babs for about 8 years. I met her through Alan. Our eldest 2 DC are in school together and they're good friends in their own right!

Anyway onto my problem. Today I called over with the kids to their house. A mutual friend was there as well. We were sat at the table chatting (kids off playing) and the subject of Christmas costs came up.we were being careful to talk in code in case little ears were listening. My eldest dc is 8 similar in age to their eldest. I said in our house Santa gets them one present each and the rest are from me and other family members. Santa can't get them really big/expensive things, he just doesn't have time. Eldest has a small concept of money so gets that he can't have whatever he wants as I just can't afford it. Babs said in their house it's basically a free for all (her words) and whatever the kids want santa brings. She uses it as bribery for the xmas period. Don't we all . Basically the better they are the more presents they get. At this point all 4 kids arrived in, my DS asks what she meant and she said "well DS, my kids are so good before xmas Santa gets them loads of extra presents"
DS kind of stands there, "Santa only gets me and my brother one present each"
The twat looks at him smiles and says "maybe if you're really good this year you'll get more"
There was a few seconds of awkward silence before Alan suggested the kids get the Lego out and brought them away. Mutual friend told Babs that saying that yo my DS wasn't on. I told Babs that she should have changed the subject, she'd really upset DS. At this point she got defensive and said I should get over it, santa isn't actually real, what's the issue. I got the kids and left.
DS has already asked me if he's been really bad the last few years.

TBH I'm fucking fuming, she didn't have to say anything to DS. She could have said anything else, changed the subject, distracted them. The second comment just felt like she was sticking the boot in. I get everyone treats Christmas differently and that's a personal thing.

AIBU to be upset by this or am I treating my kids like snowflakes?

Most 8 year olds don’t believe in Santa.

What a disgusting thing to do!

It's up to each family how they celebrate Christmas and how - if at all - St Nicholas or Father Christmas or the 3 Kings bring 1 or all the presents, but you do not spoil Christmas for other kids! That's unbelievably shitty.

how some greedy pigs with money to burn just don't get it and try to overspend in a way to bribe their kids to behave or make up for some misery in their lives I wouldn't go that far - not because of Babs, but because of the other children in your own child's life who don't deserve to have that version explained to them by your child....

Basically don't become a Bitch Babs.
But the explanation above (about kids being confused..) is the most reasonable.

@CallmeAngelina

It was St Nicholas but he fell out of fashion. So he was given lots of different names in lots of different countries, but with migration and shared culture, those names are now interchangeable. He could be old man Christmas, father Christmas, pere Noel, Kris kringle, sinterklaas/santa clause, Christkind. There really isn't any need for snobbery over what people call him.

Where do you get "snobbery" from?

What else would you call It? You walk in and go "eh, I think you'll find it's Father Christmas" even though it entirely depends on where you're from and the culture you've been exposed too. It's snobby.

@CameraTime
UN law XXX- fantasy people gift giving

Clause 1. Parents must say that main Christmas present is from them. No reason why Santa should take credit for what they have spent hard earned cash on. Stocking is for small, silly and useful things. And total amount of stocking should not amount to more than £25-£50

Clause 2. The tooth fairy should leave £1 per tooth. However, if it was an exceptionally painful tooth removal or large and clean tooth then £2 can be given. However this is at the parents discretion.

This law can not be taught to children and is secret to all children. Unless they stop believing.

I agree with Lulualla. It's ironic to come on to a board about not shitting on how other people celebrate Christmas and then try to dictate what the big man gets called. I called him Santa in the 80s and my kids call him Santa now.

She's nasty. l saw this on my social media memories the other day, and l think it just about sums this situation up.

I am without doubt a mature person in years but I swear I heard the reindeers on our house roof when I was 6 years old and no one can tell me otherwise!

ME TOO, @Daffodil55 – I ran into my parents' room in an absolute state because I wasn't asleep yet and thought Father Christmas would leave...

Turned out it was the sound of the pet hamster they'd got me running on its wheel under the tree downstairs....

OP, some great advice from PPs here, but do be careful about saying that Babs is 'lying' if you're not going to burst your DS's Santa bubble, given that... well... you know....

Babs needs to get done over by the hard elves.

Really mean and unnecessary thing to say to a child.

@Wizzbangpop those are excellent rules. Do you think we could lobby parliament to include this in the Brexit deal?

I can't stand these arrogant and superior "advice" trying to dictate how parents should celebrate Christmas. It's none of anyone's business, have presents on Christmas Eve, at midnight, on Christmas morning, or in the evening... have Christmas stockings, don't, have a Peter Rabbit or Excitable Edgar to bring gifts, who cares.

Spoiling it for other kids is just disgusting. Babs is not a friend.

But people trying to regulate the amount and value of other families' gifts are ridiculous.

Exactly as Lulualla said! Babs is at best stupid, at worst a nasty cow! I hope your son feels better soon.

Babs is a massive nobber. Don’t see her again and rest assured that her kids will grow up to be obnoxious twats with that kind of parenting.

I thought now babs had too much wine

We never bigged up Santa - he has only ever brought the stocking here ' real people buy the presents and they had to be realistic.

My dds used to ask sometimes why others got loads of gifts from santa. I used to say that we were lucky and could buy nice presents and didn't need anymore maybe others needed santa more - a stocking was more than enough.

Babs is a fucking bellend. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I feel really bad about the "why some kids get less" situation and wish I had made some rule up about Santa bringing one present but I just replicated my own childhood and it's too late to change it now.
One thing though is that I never remember asking or discussing with friends when I was still at a "Santa" age what each of us had got. So I had no idea if others got more than me or not.

When mine were small, Father Christmas (he was never Santa), was the delivery guy who brought everything and arranged it all neatly.

My two left out mince pies, a glass of milk and some carrots as a thank you for delivering.

Babs is a prize twonk and not your friend.

Sit your 8 year old son down and tell him that Santa only brings 1 present for every child, but sometimes parents pretend all the presents are from Santa so the kids don't get confused on Christmas day. Tell him you've never pretended because you knew he'd understand that one was from Santa and the rest from family.

I love this idea and think it is very clever, but at 8, I would be saying to him, presents are bought by parents and 'Santa' delivers (actually I would be saying that we pretend Santa delivers because it is a lovely game to play at Christmas, but then mine have never massively bought into Santa) as part of that I would say that every family is different and some parents have more money than others, so some parents buy more presents.

I would also drop using santa as a threat through Christmas period. Personally I think that stinks.

I our family, Santa brings the stockings, always lots of small items, under the tree comes from people, Mum, Dad grandparents etc. It made the differences between cousins easier to explain

I just couldn't bring myself to tell my 8 year old that Santa isn't real. I think this is the last year where he will believe, so I couldn't burst the bubble yet.

My 2 understand that one gift from Santa and then I buy all the others, so they only get what I can afford. Their friends might get more presents or fewer presents because they also get what their parents can afford. We have a nice balance of the whimsy and magic of Santa paired with he reality of working and paying for gifts as a single mum. I don't want the magic to end yet!

Babs is a cow and no friend.

I would tell your son that Babs pretend to her kids that if they behave themselves and don't be naughty they will get more presents from Santa but its really Babs buying them and using that to get them to behave.

You don't say that because your little boy is really well behaved so you don't need to make stuff up to get him to behave.

@Daffodil55, what's wrong with grottos in shopping centres? One of the ones we will be going to dates back to 1879.

If you're saying they weren't yet around when you were a child. Then you're doing well.

@Wizzbangpop, that wouldn't really work. It wasn't in my Father's culture to do stockings, so I didn't bother with them and my DD doesn't. We'd also have to stop the Queen from doing presents on Christmas Eve.

When she said 'well santa isn't real', I'd have said 'well shall we go and tell them that', now you've upset my Son for Christmas.

We've always kept it very vague, so we don't have to remember what we've said before. Certainly when I was rumbled on the wrapping paper once I said that Santa's so busy that sometimes he needs some help wrapping.. and there's been some quick changes of subject when the eldest has demanded clarification on who brought what.

TBH, my 9 year old is only maintaining his belief through very determinedly ignoring all evidence and comments from other children, and my 6 year old is a suspicious soul who I don't think ever believed anyway, so I don't need to maintain it for much longer anyhow!

Babs was indeed off-base here. She probably didn't think about it, just thought you were being overly structured with the 1 present thing, and why shouldn't you say more came from santa, and unthinkingly let anything come out of her mouth. At least Alan seems to have realised that she'd put her foot in it.