To take toddler to church when I dont believe.

[Waitinginthewings]

I've just started taking my toddler. I go because we enjoy the music and there's a lovely supportive, caring family atmosphere and its something to do. I have no idea if there's a god- but am totally respectful of others beliefs. I obviously wouldn't pretend to believe if anyone asked. Am I wrong to go? I think it could provide some of support networks that they are maybe missing out a bit at the moment. Theres a real community feel. A lot of stuff they preach is just about being kind/ treating everyone equally etc. I come away feeling good.
Am i wrong to go?

Not at all

Check the admissions policy of the school- some require early baptism.

I don’t think it’s wrong to go. Religion is about inclusivity and caring for one another, you can believe in that and not everything else I think.

Dd goes to church with my grandma a couple of times a month. She loves it (they have a really good kiddie area during the service) and whilst I don’t believe, it wouldn’t bother me if dd did. The church Father knows my standing and still welcomes me when I attend with grandma and dd.

Go ahead. It isn’t anyone’s business what you actually believe.

What happens if/when they start to preach things you don't agree with?

As a Christian - come on in! Community is so important

Ha- definitely nothing to do with wanting to get into school. If it was, I'd have said so. It is literally the reasons I mentioned.

You can explain that the bible was written a long time ago, when people didn’t have all the information we have today. And how beliefs & what people consider right and wrong change and evolve with time.

Please do keep going! You don't have to believe to attend church and in fact at my church at any rate they're very welcoming to non-believers and Christians alike. Do be aware that people will probably hope and pray for you to believe, but no-one should get offended by your presence 🙂

I have also started taking my kids (who already attend a non-church school) lately - I just like the sense of belonging and community. I am a lapsed Catholic and in reality I do not believe any more but I like the sense of community and support the charity work the local church does.

Yes and no. Churches make it all lovely and welcoming for a reason - to suck you in. They wouldn't frame it that way, but that's what it is. It depends whether you see that as a problem. Personally I think it's one thing to go occasionally with grandparents so the children can see what goes on, but another to take them yourself. How confusing is that going to be, growing up? You are asking a lot for the children to understand that they are supposed to believe some parts of it but not others.

I really want to do this, keep getting a real pull to go to church. Something stops me.

YANBU

As a Christian I say the more the merrier - sometimes I talk to the other mums and they are not sure what they believe, lots of Irish ladies who want the DC to enjoy the same festivals/stories they did or just people who remember all the be kind/help others stuff from school and want the DC to learn it too.

How confusing is that going to be, growing up? You are asking a lot for the children to understand that they are supposed to believe some parts of it but not others.

But OP isn't telling them what to believe at all? She's taking them there and at some point will explain her own beliefs, I assume.

I have a quite complicated relationship with my own faith, so there have been times I've been going to church without believing and times that I've been going while being quite secure in my own belief. I think they're both fine, they're just very different. Any member of the church who says you shouldn't be there is the one in the wrong, not you.

And I also agree with you about community - one of the reasons that I feel very happy to take my toddler to church, despite all the people who claim it is 'brainwashing' etc is that it's the only place in our lives that is not just very ethnically and socially mixed but also where people with both physical and learning disabilities are actually integrated as part of a community. I have lots of atheist friends who insist that they couldn't be somewhere as intolerant as a church, but who lead lives where they never interact with anyone who isn't just like them.

My now 14 year old son decided when he 7 that he believed in god and wanted to go to church so I started taking him. I did explain the situation at the church (that I’m not religious but my son asked to go) and we were welcomed with open arms, literally! He’s grown out of it now but it was lovely while it lasted. If it’s good for you both then there’s nothing wrong with it at all x

Not at all. I took mine to mass throughout their time at catholic primary.

To add onto my last post - I anticipate at some point I'll have a conversation with DS were we discuss that dad very much believes in God, I'm not as sure, that none of his grandparents believe in God at all and that he can pick any or none of these positions for himself. I actually think that's quite a good and healthy place to start the conversation from, and much more so than people who proudly say on Mumsnet that they've told their children all about how stupid people who believe in sky fairies are.

I’m thinking of trying dd (4) with christingle this year.

I’m not a believer in Jesus as the son of God but do identify as CoE if pushed and was brought up going to a church school as well as the odd attendance with my grandmother (who was a devout Methodist). I have fond memories of church and it’s evident in who I am culturally.

I do feel a bit of a fraud but actually church is a place a do feel spiritual and comfortable even if I don’t completely subscribe to their teachings. Given we celebrate Christian festivals as a family I think it’s important that dd learns about why they’ve been given such status and what they’re really about. I love Easter/Christmas but taken in isolation they’re a bit glutenous. Even without belief an understanding and respect of the historical and spiritual meanings adds another dimension.

Going forward I would like to make it a regular thing. No chance of any church school admissions here either

“ identify as CoE if pushed”

It’s this attitude when filling in the census form that makes it possible for people to claim, falsely, that “this is a Christian country.”

YANBU at all.
I practice a different religion now but was raised a Christian. I started taking my toddler to a local group run by our local church and they have been utterly amazing.
I quickly realised I want my DS to grow up with access to a spiritual education too and when he's older he can choose what he believes (or doesn't) for himself.
DH is a non practicing Christian and talks about getting the DC baptised. I have said I fully support that but won't be involved in the direct organising of it because I'd feel like a hypocrite.
I do take DS to important church services though and very much enjoy it. I know so many people there from the toddler group so it doesn't feel awkward at all.
If you enjoy going with your toddler go for it. Whether you believe or not you and your toddler become part of a wider community which I've learned is so friendly and supportive.

I fretted over this one quite a bit, partly on here as well. I did some volunteering at a local church - food bank and homeless shelter are linked. I always just assumed it was "wrong" for me to attend a church as a non believer, but the activities happened to take place there.

Then a few odd things happened in my life, including that the 4 friends I had in walking distance moved away. They managed to time this just before my dad got sick and died!

I do know my neighbours but it felt like a sudden loss of support and I'm in London so other friends dotted around everywhere, and I hate having to travel an hour to socialise already.

so one day I told the vicar's wife what I was going through with dad's illness and she wanted to help. I explained I didn't believe and she said "so what, this is about community". And I thought, given I don't have my local friends any more, I could do with more community support.

I've attended services after that because of the "community" factor and when it came to communion, explained to the vicar's wife that I'd hang back. She said "well, we pass it round, so you'd have to refuse it, which is fine, but we're happy for you to share". I said "huh?" and she said "well I think the point is to share with everybody".

I'm sure many MNers will be horrified by this though. Don't know what other churches do as I've not been to any others.

I'm not sure what I'd put on the next census.

PS before all this, I really hated the term "cultural xxx" for any religion because I just thought, you believe or you don't. But I'm learning about it now. I guess I am culturally Christian.

Children will make their own minds up Redsheep ,I'm a very lapsed Catholic and I would say I'm agnostic ,I was taken to church every week as a child and went to Catholic schools in fact my primary school was a,convent school but I ent really attend church now .

But was for the Op as long as she remains respectful of other peoples beliefs there's nothing wrong with what she's doing .