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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take toddler to church when I dont believe.

119 replies

Waitinginthewings · 17/11/2019 09:55

I've just started taking my toddler. I go because we enjoy the music and there's a lovely supportive, caring family atmosphere and its something to do. I have no idea if there's a god- but am totally respectful of others beliefs. I obviously wouldn't pretend to believe if anyone asked. Am I wrong to go? I think it could provide some of support networks that they are maybe missing out a bit at the moment. Theres a real community feel. A lot of stuff they preach is just about being kind/ treating everyone equally etc. I come away feeling good.
Am i wrong to go?

OP posts:
Purpleartichoke · 17/11/2019 18:07

I don’t personally think it’s healthy or good parenting to endorse any religion to a child, so no, I wouldn’t take my child to
Church, especially if you aren’t a believer.

Why not look for other groups to find a community.

BertrandRussell · 17/11/2019 18:15

@Bringonspring - all state schools have a statutory obligation to have assemblies of a “broadly Christian nature”. And individual teachers can bring as much or as little faith to their lessons as they want. So there reall are no secular schools. Honest!

BertrandRussell · 17/11/2019 18:16

But yes of course there is a big difference between faith schools and non denominational ones.

LisaSimpsonsbff · 17/11/2019 18:29

Why not look for other groups to find a community.

Genuine question - what? What can you do with a toddler that isn't a toddler activity, and at the weekend, and which involves you in a community?

wonderstuff · 17/11/2019 18:32

YANBU. I'm atheist, I was raised in an English village, so I went to a church school, my kids now attend church school as we are in a village and that is the school. I think that church is culturally important and its very useful to know how to behave in church, I think the teachings of the new testament are a good and although not a Christian I do try to live my life in a way I think is philosophically Christian, not because I believe I'll go to heaven, but because it seems like the right thing to do. I took my children to Christmas services when they were young because I liked the music, the atmosphere and I wanted them to have a non-commercial experience of Christmas. I think of church as a cultural/philosophical experience rather than a religious one. I don't think anyone would object to me attending in that spirit.

Joerev · 17/11/2019 18:45

Awe. I volunteer for the local church toddler group. Most of the mums don’t cone to the church or are religious. They don’t judge. They started the group to give mothers a helping hand. To give them a break. A listening ear

I wasn’t involved in the church when I first went. And still aren’t. But I love the people there! Simple as.

Keep going. It’s a wonderful place. Might even be the one I do!

Joerev · 17/11/2019 18:48

@LisaSimpsonsbff. Same here!

AutumnRose1 · 17/11/2019 19:26

“ Why not look for other groups to find a community”

I really tried. I needed it to be walking distance though, I cannot bear to commute on the days I don’t have to, plus I have my elderly mother to deal with, another journey there.

There’s local groups who go to restaurants, not my thing, a once a month book group. The church meet every Sunday morning and have tea and biccies after. Plus I already know they are ready to help if I need it.

I wish I could find a non religious community who met in the same way but I can’t. Also, interestingly, the church has been the only group of new people I’ve met recently who aren’t bothered about my race, my job status or married or not etc.

ToTheRegimentIWishIWasThere · 17/11/2019 19:33

Do you enjoy it? If yes, then keep going.

We call church "casual indoctrination" in our house (Dc and I are weekly attenders plus extra curriculars. One of my parents is the vicar, the other is very agnostic/atheist/science led)

AutumnRose1 · 17/11/2019 19:39

PS the tea and biccies comment - it’s not that that’s important
It’s just that in London so many groups are based on costly things, dinners, drinks, shows, that’s not an option. It’s nice to see something as casual as tea and biccies in a church hall.

Winecheesesleep · 17/11/2019 19:42

YANBU. I'm a lapsed Christian and have some issues with the religion as a whole but think it can do a lot of good at the local level and give people a real community. I don't see how it should be so hard to explain when your children are older that you don't believe yourself but that plenty of people do.

ShinyGiratina · 17/11/2019 19:52

YANBU. Within a church, beliefs will be varied, and can be fluid with time.

A church community is a broad community, particularly of all ages.

A church isn't just about practicing belief, it's a place to socialise, to pause from the outside world, to experience culture and tradition, to access support. There are many reasons!

People develop their own beliefs. A child who has access to beliefs has the chance to form their own informed opinions as they grow up, and they will probably differ anyway Wink

Emmapeeler1 · 17/11/2019 21:02

@Waitinginthewings I don’t know what sort of churches other people on this thread go to, but I have never had anyone ask if they can pray for me in over twenty years of fairly casual and irregular attendance. At my mum’s church (a catholic one) nobody even mentions religion after it is finished. They talk about normal things like holidays and what they are having for lunch.

SarahAndQuack · 17/11/2019 21:12

Sorry, I haven't read the full thread (I will, slowly) as it's been a long day, but:

At our church, there are often prayers for 'those of who have faith and those who would like to have more,' which I like. There have definitely been periods in my life where I've felt more and less inclined to go to church.

SarahAndQuack · 17/11/2019 21:23

Churches make it all lovely and welcoming for a reason - to suck you in.

I have to say, @RedSheep73, this is not my experience. I have been to a lot of churches that make it more like an ordeal. I really hate that.

I have to say, I also hate the idea that Christianity/the C of E are just the religion equivalent of frail, kindly grandparents who are a bit gone in the head but who babble on about love and kindness.

AutumnRose1 · 17/11/2019 22:00

Interesting about the churches being horrible

I’ve got a C of E friend who reckons she’s tried every church in her area and said they were all horrible and did ask all the kinds of questions I hate.

TeenPlusTwenties · 17/11/2019 22:04

You can imbibe the moral values of Christianity by going to church without having to believe in a deity. Yes you can get them elsewhere but they are all nicely packaged up for you on a Sunday so it is as good a place as any if that's what you want to do.

Glitterybelle · 17/11/2019 22:07

Regardless of whether you believe or not, I think church particularly for children teaches lovely morals :)

reluctantbrit · 17/11/2019 22:17

I personally wouldn’t be able to do it. I was raised Catholic, DD Lutheran Protestant. We both decided years ago we are not religious and any child wouldn’t be raised with a religious affiliations.

DD is taught about religions, we do attend mass when invited to a christening, Christmas mass with school etc. We also explain to her why we do not believe but that we respect other, my best friend is a practising RC.

For me attending church for the community would just feel wrong as I don’t believe what they speak about.

SarahAndQuack · 17/11/2019 22:18

@AutumnRose1, I definitely think that can happen.

I think it is like anything - a church is only as good as the people in it. I mean that in both negative and positive senses.

SarahAndQuack · 17/11/2019 22:18

@Glitterybelle, what are 'lovely morals'?

Sewbean · 17/11/2019 22:19

nobody even mentions religion after it is finished. They talk about normal things like holidays and what they are having for lunch

Mine too 😄

stucknoue · 17/11/2019 22:25

Plenty of people attend church but do not "believe". I don't know any vicars who believe in the bible being literal truth eg world created in 7 days.

Church is about community, if you enjoy going that's great. I've just got in from church (well the pub after church) it was an evening service.... before anyone thinks I've been in the pub all day

Ragwort · 17/11/2019 22:30

Of course can you attend weekly, in all the Churces I know you would be very welcome.

The Church can be a great community for many people, as a PP said, there aren’t many places you can go at weekends which are free (you may or may not choose to give to the collection), where you will be welcomed, activities for children etc etc. Sundays can be very lonely for many people, young and old, and Church can be a nice thing to do.

My teenage DS attends Church (a different one to the one I go to, he made his own choice), he has recently left home for uni and it is encouraging to hear how welcome he has been made at the churches in his uni town, lots of invitations to Sunday lunches etc.

ZenNudist · 17/11/2019 22:30

Sounds lovely dont worry youd be welcome

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