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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take toddler to church when I dont believe.

119 replies

Waitinginthewings · 17/11/2019 09:55

I've just started taking my toddler. I go because we enjoy the music and there's a lovely supportive, caring family atmosphere and its something to do. I have no idea if there's a god- but am totally respectful of others beliefs. I obviously wouldn't pretend to believe if anyone asked. Am I wrong to go? I think it could provide some of support networks that they are maybe missing out a bit at the moment. Theres a real community feel. A lot of stuff they preach is just about being kind/ treating everyone equally etc. I come away feeling good.
Am i wrong to go?

OP posts:
DippyAvocado · 17/11/2019 12:45

I attend weekly as an agnostic. I have even become fairly involved in some of the organisational things! I started going when my eldest was a toddler as they had some lovely children's groups. It's a great community for families and my DC and I have made lots of friends. I too love the music and I find the sermons etc interesting. It helps me to consider which aspects I believe in and which I don't. The church I attend is very welcoming and diverse. I wouldn't go to one that wasn't.

Sewbean · 17/11/2019 12:45

You would be very welcome in our church. Everyone is.
People go to church for all sorts of reasons. Belief, comfort, stillness, familiarity, routine, community. It doesn't matter.
Come as you are and know that you are welcome.

vivacian · 17/11/2019 12:49

proper version of the bible.

Which one is that?

GlamGiraffe · 17/11/2019 12:56

Some churches are a lot less "preachy" and religion heavy in terms of long sermons etc nowadays. They do tend to focus on the elements religion stands for rather than the doctrine, which is, after all the practicality. A lot of churches depending on the demographic and leadership have real community and give people a feel good feeling which can ge invaluable. You dont need to believe in the written doctrine but believing in the principles of friendliness, kindness, generosity etc isnt such a bad thing. If it makes you feel good and part of a warm community. It's a good thing.

BertrandRussell · 17/11/2019 12:56

KJV every time.

SmudgeButt · 17/11/2019 12:58

My mom was/is a good(ish) Christian and dad was raised an atheist. We all went to church and Sunday school and dad helped a lot with the churches stuff on the social side of things. No conflict whatsoever and no confusion for me.

NotTonightJosepheen · 17/11/2019 12:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MitziK · 17/11/2019 12:58

I would think it's the King James Version - it's the one most CofE adults grew up with, it has the rhythm and tone of poetry and is definitely pleasing to the ear in a way some of the newer translations aren't.

Bringonspring · 17/11/2019 13:06

Yes do! You would be very welcome!

I take my children as we picked a secular school for them (wanting to make sure they got a lot of diversity as we live in London) so they go to Sunday school, bit of singing/craft! But I love the sense of community/charity work they do!

Original poster
Waitinginthewings · 17/11/2019 13:07

I absolutely hate the idea of lots of people praying that I will start believing. I'm such a people pleaser I'd feel awful that they are putting so much effort in and I still dont believe. Dont think I will mention that I don't believe.

Everyone I've met has been really kind, welcoming, not pushy at all. They certainly seem to be a bunch of caring people with (in some respects) good morals. I dont know where else I'd find this sort of community feel. I know being Christian doesnt make a person nice but certainly seems a very selfless, kind culture.
T

OP posts:
vivacian · 17/11/2019 13:08

I agree that the KJV has a nice Olde Worlde quality to it, but i can’t see how anyone could claim that it’s a proper version.

NotTonightJosepheen · 17/11/2019 13:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ConfusedAndStressed95 · 17/11/2019 13:59

It's not wrong to go. I spent a year going to church before I came back to my belief, I'm getting confirmed in February. No church will be annoyed with you going and will welcome you both.

ConfusedAndStressed95 · 17/11/2019 14:01

Also @Waitinginthewings, if/when they ask if they can pray for you they won't be offended or upset if you say no or request that they don't. I often refuse because it makes me uncomfortable at times.

Whoops75 · 17/11/2019 14:04

I see no problem, most people who go to church are a là Carte, they pick the bits they like and ignore the rest.

BarbedBloom · 17/11/2019 14:08

I think it is entirely up to you and it sounds like you have thought through discussions to come. I am pagans so wouldn't attend church personally, especially as my mother hates the church passionately, but I think it is good to be open to other perspectives.

Original poster
Waitinginthewings · 17/11/2019 14:09

Sorry, people will ask if they can pray for me? Surely they dont need my permission? Is it a way of finding out if I believe and to let me know they care?

OP posts:
CountFosco · 17/11/2019 14:10

Do you come from a religious background? I'm an atheist and don't find any comfort in attending church at all, I find it patronising, simplistic and there is no respect for my atheism.

Go if you want, Christianity is a proselytizing religion and they will welcome the christ-curious but you'll be a believer soon enough.

CheeseCakeSunflowers · 17/11/2019 14:19

I consider myself a Christian and I attend a C of E church. I think it's very likely that some people who attend my church feel as you do but their beliefs or non-beliefs are their business, they are very welcome as everyone is. It is only when it comes to being confirmed that I would hope that only those who believe would do this.

lanthanum · 17/11/2019 14:22

"I tell my kids that we’re not sure if things that are in the bible actually happened. I prefer to think of them as stories about how we should treat each other (The Good Samaritan etc)."

In fact, that particular story isn't presented in the Bible as something that actually happened - it's a story told by Jesus, in answer to the question "who is my neighbour?"

"Sorry, people will ask if they can pray for me? Surely they dont need my permission? Is it a way of finding out if I believe and to let me know they care?"
I think some people would be offended if they felt people were praying for them without their consent! People asking may partly be doing it out of politeness, although maybe they need to think about the consequences of asking. Our previous vicar, during communion, would pray for any children individually when they came up to the rail, since they weren't taking communion. One week, she said to my daughter "May I pray for you?", and my daughter replied "No."

ConfusedAndStressed95 · 17/11/2019 14:24

@Waitinginthewings, yeah they might, sometimes its spontaneous because they feel like you may need prayer because you seem tired or stressed or they may feel called to pray for you, if either of you are ill or have been ill or you mention that things have been difficult or stressed. People you become close to may pray for you privately but in church people will often ask before they pray over you and they will always ask before they lay hands on you. I know when I've had panic attacks or been upset in church the people around me have asked if they can pray for/over me. Often I'll say no because I don't like being touched or the center of attention, no one is ever offended or upset and unless you tell them that you don't believe they won't pray you will become a believer, they'll mainly pray for health, healing, peace, happiness and relief from stresses and worries.

Aethelfleda · 17/11/2019 14:30

Waiting, if people ask if they can pray for you, it’s because they want you to have a choice. Of course, if you don’t believe in prayer having a positive impact it won’t matter either way, but Christians who actively pray for people generally want the person to feel comfortable with it. it’s also a way to gently alert the person that they should feel others care about them.

BertrandRussell · 17/11/2019 14:43

“ I take my children as we picked a secular school for them”

Just as a point of information, if it’s a state school and you’re in the U.K., there’s no such thing as a secular school.

Meadowland · 17/11/2019 15:53

You will be made very welcome with or without a belief.
People will be there for you if you need them, or if you want to join in any of the community/ charity events.
But absolutely no pressure to join in anymore than you feel comfortable with.

Bringonspring · 17/11/2019 18:01

BertrandRussell thanks for the comment but I think there is a significant difference between a non faith denominated school to a CoE/Catholic school. The children at my sons school are taught about religion but they don’t practise it, eg no prayers/no hymns/we have a Christmas performance (not naivety)/celebrate all significant faith holidays. If you attend a CoE/Catholic (I imagine any other type of faith school) then the children will ‘practise’ religion daily through prayers and hymns etc.

My personal preference was for my children to celebrate all significant faiths holidays but also to I understand further CoE as myself and my husband did through Sunday school.