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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take toddler to church when I dont believe.

119 replies

Waitinginthewings · 17/11/2019 09:55

I've just started taking my toddler. I go because we enjoy the music and there's a lovely supportive, caring family atmosphere and its something to do. I have no idea if there's a god- but am totally respectful of others beliefs. I obviously wouldn't pretend to believe if anyone asked. Am I wrong to go? I think it could provide some of support networks that they are maybe missing out a bit at the moment. Theres a real community feel. A lot of stuff they preach is just about being kind/ treating everyone equally etc. I come away feeling good.
Am i wrong to go?

OP posts:
bluetongue · 17/11/2019 10:51

CactusSmactus I did the same at about that age! I’d been given an illustrated children’s bible and became a bit obsessed, much to the surprise of my non-churchgoing parents. Think it was more the stories and history that drew me in.

I’m a staunch atheist these days but don’t think my dabbling in religion did me any harm.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 17/11/2019 10:54

I don’t believe in God. I take my children to messy church every other month and the odd Service in between. I was brought up as a Christian (didn’t work), my mum believes and is Very involved In the church we go to, whereas I don’t think my dad does believe but goes to church for social events and helps out with DIY there. I would like my children to know about the bible (and other religions too). I don’t care whether they have faith or not, although it might be comforting to them. The church have always been welcoming and not at all pushy. They don’t ask me what I believe and I don’t volunteer it.

YANBU to go.

BertrandRussell · 17/11/2019 11:03

“ Children will make their own minds up”

Will they? Why do children practically never make up their own minds to join a faith different to the one they were shown when very young? (There are of course exceptions!)

LisaSimpsonsbff · 17/11/2019 11:08

Will they? Why do children practically never make up their own minds to join a faith different to the one they were shown when very young? (There are of course exceptions!)

As the Christian daughter of atheist parents I do know that I'm unusual (though not vanishingly rare - I was baptised and confirmed in a service just for adults and there were 50 of us). The other way round, though - the atheist child of Christian parents - is not at all rare. If taking a child to church is brainwashing then it's very ineffective!

BertrandRussell · 17/11/2019 11:10

I don’t think it!s brainwashing. I just thin saying that children will make up their own minds is completely disingenuous.

NotTonightJosepheen · 17/11/2019 11:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ArnoldWhatshisknickers · 17/11/2019 11:11

I know loads of people who don't believe in god but go to church on an occasional or even regular basis.

In many cases it is about keeping their culture alive. In others they just like the songs or atmosphere. I don't think most churches have any problem with this so I wouldn't worry about it.

HiJenny35 · 17/11/2019 11:17

Children don't get confused, it's not a difficult theory. I'm not religious but I have a lot to do with a few different churches, run groups, Christmas Fayre, Christian Christmas meal etc. My children know that we go to church but we aren't Cof E or RC. We also learn about celebrations such as divali and Chinese New Year. If we go to church and hear a religious story I just explain that it's stories that people who follow the faith believe in. All the main leaders know I do not flow the faith and I've never had any issues with this.

bridgetreilly · 17/11/2019 11:19

I would just be completely honest with people at the church when you're talking to them. Tell them why you like going, but also that you don't believe. They'll be very happy to have you there.

Littlemeadow123 · 17/11/2019 11:33

In my church we dont care if someone doesnt believe or is on the fence about whether there is a God. We welcome everyone. So I genuinely don't see a problem with this.

Cornettoninja · 17/11/2019 11:38

It’s this attitude when filling in the census form that makes it possible for people to claim, falsely, that “this is a Christian country.

  1. I’m fine with that
  2. It is
AutumnRose1 · 17/11/2019 11:43

“ In many cases it is about keeping their culture alive”

I’m starting to feel like this. I wasn’t raised in a churchy way, but it’s starting to feel like a way to hold on to something familiar while the surroundings become absolutely batshit. It shouldn’t seem familiar to me really, but it does. Perhaps through art etc.

MitziK · 17/11/2019 11:43

You don't have to tell people a bean. You're there - that's what matters.

In any case, according to one of the priests I've worked with in recent years, if attending church was restricted to only those who believed 100% at all times, they'd be missing the blokes up front some of the time and the church would never have lasted more than about six months after the crucifixion.

Alloftheboys · 17/11/2019 11:48

I tell my kids that we’re not sure if things that are in the bible actually happened. I prefer to think of them as stories about how we should treat each other (The Good Samaritan etc).
I wasn’t very impressed when DS1 who attends a C of E school was told they could use google on the school computers to find the inventor of something related to their topic. Apparently God invented it 🙄

AutumnRose1 · 17/11/2019 11:49

Mitzi, I heard 11% of priests don’t believe or some such.

Babdoc · 17/11/2019 11:51

The core message of Christianity is to love your neighbour and your God. It may surprise the more rabid atheists, who think we are an evil cult, out to “brainwash” their children, but the church is one of the biggest social care networks in the country, providing care homes, homeless shelters, outreach for marginalised groups such as addicts, and at a local level supporting anyone of any faith (or none) who needs help.
Church is a welcoming community for everybody. It can be very good for a person’s self esteem to find that it’s the one place where they will never be judged by the world’s standards of wealth, power or beauty - they will be loved unconditionally by God, just as they are.
OP, your DC will not be brainwashed. They will be encouraged to be kind, caring, and thoughtful of others. Any atheists who object to that should ask themselves why.
Welcome to the Christian community! God bless.

AgeLikeWine · 17/11/2019 11:52

It’s fine to take a toddler to church if you both enjoy it, but as the child gets older they may stop enjoying it and find it boring.

I was dragged off to mass every Sunday throughout my childhood and I came to hate every minute of it, which culminated in my total rejection of religion when I was 15.

I know my parents meant well, and I understand that they lacked the education to question the Catholic church’s misogynistic and homophobic teachings, but I still resent them for making me go to church.

Malyshek · 17/11/2019 12:14

OP, your DC will not be brainwashed. They will be encouraged to be kind, caring, and thoughtful of others. Any atheists who object to that should ask themselves why.

You can be taught these things in a non-religious setting.

I am always a bit surprised when people give moral values to religion. People belonging to any dogma, religious or otherwise, have done both wonderful and ignominious things. Morality has nothing to do with faith.

I think it's fine for the op to go to church, btw, so long as they're respectful. And so long as they take time to speak to the child about religion, what it is and where it comes from. The idea is to encourage the child to think and challenge beliefs (all beliefs, including atheistic). Any belief that cannot survive doubts and questions is not a very solid one.

vivacian · 17/11/2019 12:19

I’m not a believer in Jesus as the son of God but do identify as CoE if pushed

But that is literally the definition of being CoE.

And as a recent thread demonstrated, there’s no need for Christmas to be glutenous Hmm

Dontdisturbmenow · 17/11/2019 12:26

Of course you can enjoy going to church or any other place of worship without believing in their God.

I've grown up in such a mix of religions, I don't adhere to any, but I do enjoy being part of it as a cultural enjoyment.

I raised my kids to respect all religion, and even though we've never discuss religion much, let alone take part in any ceremonies, my DD expressed a strong interest and opted to study religious studied at GCSE and really enjoyed it.

Both my kids are very respectful of all religion in its core rather than in what they hear from the biaised media as too many people do.

Introducing young kids to religion believing in faith or not is a great thing to do for them as much as society.

reallyrandomwords · 17/11/2019 12:29

As a Christian I think it's lovely that you want to do that!

riotlady · 17/11/2019 12:37

Yes, I think it’s lovely!

Some churches that don’t have many children in attendance will be particularly delighted to have a toddler around too.

NotTHEBupcake · 17/11/2019 12:40

I think it's a good thing to do. I know a few people who do similar; they don't believe, but enjoy the community and are involved with various bits of church life. I think all their vicars know that they don't believe, but are happy that they've found a sense of belonging.

In fact, I've a gay, atheist, alcoholic friend who's had great support from his local church after going to their food bank. He's been very open about not believing, but sometimes goes just to sit and experience the service, and has found people very welcoming, even when he's said he's an atheist. He said they're also very accepting of his sexuality, they couldn't care less.

scrivette · 17/11/2019 12:42

What Babdoc says.

You would be very welcome to come along to the Church I belong to.

Don't be put off by people coming up to you and saying hello when they see you, as a new face they will want to make sure that you know you are welcome and to let you know what goes on on the Church for you and your children.

Ferretyone · 17/11/2019 12:44

I [probably] don't now believe [since losing DF and DP many years ago] but go evensong [only] to a very traditional church where they use the book of common prayer and the proper version of the bible. I go for the comfort of the words and for the music.

"LIGHTEN our darkness, we beseech thee, O Lord; and by thy great mercy defend us from all perils and dangers of this night; for the love of thy only Son ..."

I would certainly take a grandchild