Is DD being a spoilt brat?

[Inlawsoutlaws]

Myself and DH are in a lucky position where we can afford to buy somewhere for our grown up DCs (to live together). They are late twenties living in a very expensive European city. One has a short term boyfriend and the other is single.

DH and I want to buy a large house for them which would effectively use up our spare cash and be their inheritance. House in question is a bit tired and would require work. DCs are grateful but have said they don’t have the time or resources to manage house and garden and are concerned about the cost. They also see it as a short term arrangement and would rather buy a flat, which I am very against for various reasons (primarily do not see it as a good investment).

They are in such a fortunate position but can’t seem to see it! Are they being spoilt? We lock horns all the time about their reasoning but I want to get outside opinions

[Drum2018]

Why would you want to buy them a large house? You hardly expect them to be still living together with partners, kids in the future? If you expect it's just an investment for now, to be sold before they settle down with partners, it's likely to be a noose around their necks and has potential to cause arguments over who pays for repairs, who organises them and who maintains the gardens. A flat is a much more attractive prospect for them to come and go and not have the hassle of outdoor maintenance. In all honesty I would never buy my kids a joint property. I'd give them money for a deposit for their own, if we had it, but why tether them to a property together?

[cstaff]

If it is going to be their home then they need to have more of a say in what and where to buy. Ideally as other posters have said maybe you should give them half each and let them pick and choose their own homes.

[Twillow]

Sharing a jointly owned house has a raft of pitfalls. What if one of them wants to move out, or to move in a partner that the other one doesn't get on well with? Renovation and maintenance are massive commitments and require skills and interest as well as time otherwise tradesmen cost an enormous amount.
Your offer is generous, but they are being practical and a gift should not become a millstone.
Careful choice of flats will mean they appreciate in value too.

[notnowmaybelater]

Are you expecting them to live together long term? For a minimum period? 5 years? 3 years? Are they "allowed" to sell or rent the house out? Will it be in your name or both of theirs?

I think this could be one of those generous gestures with strings which actually becomes a millstone and causes resentment if they are not allowed to choose the property and lose any right to it if they don't live together in it long term and do maintenance and renovation...

[converseandjeans]

No I don't think they are spoiled - just realistic. They want to be more central & also probably have their own place rather than share. A Fiat each would be best solution.

[bridgetreilly]

YABVU to want to give them something they can't afford to own. If it's a gift, give them the money and let them make their own choices. If it's an investment, buy it and rent it to tenants. Imposing the house on them is very unfair indeed.

[Lweji]

We lock horns all the time about their reasoning

Based on this, I'd say you should start giving them more credit.
And you seem very controlling.
It has to be a house, for them to share, or else they are spoilt brats.

It's a big house in need of maintenance. So, you're giving them a poisoned present.
Are they even living together now?

Much better for them to have one small flat each, that they can manage individually, and sell on if they want, maybe as a deposit to a larger house when they have children.
If you really do want to give them the money.

[lotsofstripes]

Split the money and give it to them both as a deposit on a house/flat of their choosing.

As peachesforfree said - living with siblings in late 20s = recipe for disaster imo, even if they are very close. DS’s best friend of a similar age bought a house with his older brother who had been in a relationship for a good few years. It’s only been a year and older brother and his partner (understandably) want their own space to start a family. DS’s friend can’t afford the house without his brother

[Lweji]

Wait...
do you want to buy the big house, so that you can visit and stay with both when you do?

[lottiegarbanzo]

For how long will they want to live there? Live together? They're young, so likely to want to move around before settling down and unable to predict where that will be or with whom.

It sounds as though, for all its potential investment value, you're giving them a renovation, maintenance and management burden.

IMO a flat (that could be sold whenever), a small renovation / maintenance fund and, if money remaining, an investment fund / portfolio, would be much more sensible.

[HollowTalk]

Split the money and give it to them both as a deposit on a house/flat of their choosing.

I agree with this. They're not at the point in their lives where they want to do tons of DIY.

I would speak to them about what they'll do if a partner moves in with them - I wouldn't want him living there rent free!

[diddl]

Is this one of the kids posting?

[Techway]

I think you have had a 100% response in their favour and reasoning.

If you are looking to gift them an inheritance then it is a gift and can't come with strings. If you feel you have insight share it but they need to make decisions that work for their life.

[OnTheFenceWithMostViews]

I agree with them.
Even house sharing with siblings can be stressful.
What if in 5 yrs one has a baby and disturbs the others routine.. That's not fair.
You're essentially controlling what their inheritance is on and how they should live.

[lottiegarbanzo]

I think if you are so set on a large house being the best investment in that city (is it really?), then YOU should buy it and YOU should renovate and maintain it. Let them live there for as long as they wish, then YOU manage it as a rental property.

If it's such an awesome investment you'll be happy to do that won't you? You don't need to be nearby, there are contractors and agencies that can help you. Work out the costs, the taxes on rental income etc.

If it isn't a good deal and attractive prospect for you, then it isn't for them either. The difference being you think it's a fantastic idea and they don't.

Passing on a large house with garden, maintenance needs etc is usually literally an inheritance - the parental home after they've died - and is usually sold quite quickly by the adult children.

[NerrSnerr]

I agree with the others, they are being sensible. I think you should give them the money each to buy what they want (if they want).

[HeddaGarbled]

I agree with lots of previous posters. It is infantilising them to choose their home for them and to expect them to live together at their ages. If you want to be generous, the best thing to do would be to give them each, separately, the deposit on a property that they choose for themselves. That way, you help them buy a property each but they have to finance mortgages, which enables them to be fully functioning independent adults.

[MitziK]

Tell them they can sort out their own housing, then.

A free house? You were offering them a free house in exchange for a bit of effort around the place.

They don't need it that much if they're in a position to turn their noses up at a FUCKING FREE HOUSE.

[linentowel]

No, not spoilt. You are giving a gift but dictating what that gift is.

[TimeForNewStart]

Not spoilt at all, sensible.

[DustOffYourHighestHopes]

Very sensible. Have a think about the reasons you are hung up on a house and garden.

[lottiegarbanzo]

DCs are grateful but have said they don’t have the time or resources to manage house and garden and are concerned about the cost.

Why aren't you listening to them? They don't have the necessary time or resources.

Honestly, I think their age and stage is possibly the worst time in their lives to make this particular offer. They need to be able to devote time and energy to their careers, finding partners, getting into a position where they could and would want to settle down. Then they'll be in 'buying and doing up a house' mode, with their respective partners, or alone.

[willowmelangell]

I can't see this working. In my twenties I got married, had step children, had a child, got divorced and had another child. Don't know that would have fitted in a shared house with someone else also living a life.
Have a rethink about the flats maybe?

[bevelino]

@Lweji, I was thinking the exact same thing.

[saraclara]

What everyone else said. Sharing a property would be madness at their stage of life. They have so many potential life changes in the offing.