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my dh wants to take us to New Zealand, I don't want to go

94 replies

tripletsandtwins · 19/08/2007 22:36

Hiya, I've had an argument with my husband about this, and I wanted to know what other people think...

I've been happily married to my husband for 5 years, I moved to America for him from England because he didn't want to move over. So I left my family and friends to start a new life in the states, flying to see them as often as I can.

We went on to have 3 year old triplets, and I?m 19 weeks pregnant with twins.

We have been living in Palm Beach, in Florida, but we know that we don't want to stay there and we've been saving up to move for ages. I suggested that we move to a different area in Florida, staying near his family, or back to England, where my family is. However, my husband says that he wants to take us to New Zealand, as he has been offered a job and a house over there.

My husband thinks that we're wasting a very good opportunity that will never come again if we don't take this: it would be a new start for the family, the house is gorgeous, the job is fabulous, ideal and well paid, the community is nice, it would be perfect for the kids...the list goes on and on.

I don't think I could cope with upping and leaving all the foundations that I've built in Florida, especially since I'm pregnant with twins. By the time we got there, I would be at least 30 weeks. Also, I would see my family even less frequently than I do now, since it is such a long flight. I told dh that if he wants to go to New Zealand he can go, but he will be alone...was that wrong of me? Do you think I should go to New Zealand with him? Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
1dilemma · 01/09/2007 01:00

that was trying to say hats of to you (for having twins and triplets!)
20p the question was about NZ not nowhere!

1dilemma · 01/09/2007 01:14

I'm a bit with miljee except I'm not so sure she's ever been to Oxford!

1dilemma · 01/09/2007 01:14

I'm a bit with miljee except I'm not so sure she's ever been to Oxford!

1dilemma · 01/09/2007 01:15

Last time I was in Christchurch the high street consisted of rows of shops selling tourist goods to the Japanese, all the signs were in Japanese and they shut at midday on Saturday!

1dilemma · 01/09/2007 01:23

can two adults fly with 5 children? come to think of it we looked into flights recently pushed the wrong button (we don't have 5 ) and it kept telling us the limit was 2 children per adult (children defined as less than 14!) I have seen seomone fly with triplets and they had a nanny too (but they were babies)

1dilemma · 01/09/2007 01:26

Also is where you are in Florida really such an awful place to bring up children?
Next time I will read the whole thread and post once!

twentypence · 01/09/2007 01:29

Well then, that's settled, because MrsJC and I who are both British and actually live in Christchurch at the moment (rather than a visit what must have been rather a long time ago if your description is correct) have obviously no idea.

Geraldine has shops for Japanese tourists too, the coaches stop at them. It doesn't make it a place you wouldn't want to live.

Compared with the massive decision of uprouting and moving with 5 young children the NZ equivalent of a "kiss me quick" hat stall is hardly worthy of a mention of an entry in the "against" column.

And just for the record all the shops are open all the time now - much more than UK and probably on a par with the US. It's not uncommon for supermarkets to open 8-midnight on a Sunday.

twentypence · 01/09/2007 01:30

I'm sure that the so many children per adult is more to do with the reduced cost than actual supervision.

1dilemma · 01/09/2007 01:33

20 p me thinks you protest too much bit close to the bone are we?

1dilemma · 01/09/2007 01:35

Actually I am in a position to offar an opinion but don't need to explain why to you! The op can take or leave everyone's opinion but since she asked she is entitled to have more than just yours.
24 hr opening is the norm for many supermarkets in the UK but not Sunday for obvious reasons. (However I really don't think shopping is the be all and end all)

1dilemma · 01/09/2007 01:52

And in fact clearly someone has hit a raw nerve here. I went offto do something and found myself thinking 'what have I said? I must have said something really offensive to be the target of such vitriol from 20p', so came back to read it and in fact I mearly commented on some shopping opportunities the op might like to look into and that to anyone who really knows Oxford/Christchurch the oft quoted comparison is a bit misleading. I'm sure you'll agree that there are many differences?

twentypence · 01/09/2007 03:14

tripletsandtwins if you need me contact me - I would hate to upset 1dilemma any further. However you are at a real decision point in your life and our bickering about tourist shops isn't helpful. It's amazing what we can find to disagree on on Mumsnet isn't it!

1dilemma · 01/09/2007 03:38


MrsJohnCusack · 01/09/2007 03:42

do contact me too tripletsandtwins - happy to help any way I can re NZ. good luck with everything!

ghosty · 01/09/2007 06:33

oh, hahahahahahha ... what a funny turn this thread has taken ...
20p is seriously bitter and twisted 1dilemma - I have met her a couple of times, she definitely has a chip on her shoulder and can be very very sensitive ....

20p, when you next go shopping could you pick me up a "My mum's friend went to christchurch and all I got was this lousy t-shirt" T-shirt for my DS please?

As an aside, I had no idea that you couldn't fly on your own with more than 2 children. That definitely ends any vague thoughts I may have of going for No3 ...

Hope you manage to be able to make some kind of decision amongst all this conflicting advice twins and triplets

1dilemma · 01/09/2007 14:18

uh ghosty where exactly did I say she was bitter and twisted or that my Mum had been to Christchurch?She just comes across as a little threatened by a different view to her own.... read her posts.
Poor t&t inconsequential disagreements on her thread which hardly add anything to the discussion.

I did wonder whether the 2 children to an adult might be airline dependent (and in usual mumsnet fashion was waiting for someone to come on here and tell me so but I guess everyone has better things to do with their time !

fwiw op imho yanbu (memo to self should stick to this as an answer next time)
your dh might be being a little unresonable asking you to do this but I hope you find a solution you are both really happy with as I have tried to say I really take my hat off to anyone with triplets and twins!! (yeah spelt it right this time)
maybe if you both do that reflective
what do I want? (with an importance ranking)
where do I want it?
how do I get there?
what wont I compromise on?
etc etc it will give you both some talking points/common ground

cbcb · 03/09/2007 15:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cbcb · 03/09/2007 15:40

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expatinscotland · 03/09/2007 15:41

I'd go because my aunt lives in Palm Beach and I find it a hell hole.

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