To think this is totally unacceptable

[bonzo77]

Leaving 3 boys aged 9,6 and 4 home alone while you “nip to the shops”. Shops are a 7 minute walk / 1 minute drive away. Boys are brothers, prone to fighting but generally sensible: very unlikely to try to cook anything etc.

To avoid drip feeding. DH did this. He drove. He thought it was too much hassle to strap them all into the car. I might have left the 9 year old (10 in March). But he knows my mobile number, and not DH’s. I would probably be more likely to have left the errand till another time.

I’m fucking livid, DH cannot see the issue. I’m re-thinking my work arrangements as this was when he was meant to be looking after them while I was at work.

My two DDs were at home when their Dad broke his leg. Luckily conscious to ring his own ambulance, but 6yo had to do everything like sorting stuff to take to hospital and letting crew in with some help from 4yo. Luckily ambulance turning up alerted neighbours to the problem Both DDs were affected by it for a while- their father was in a lot of pain.
So in the game of what is... It can happen. And it's not fair to put young children in the position whete there are no adults to guide them.

I'm utterly amazed at the posters who are saying they'd consider leaving a six year old home alone.

But the fact is that through accidents (inside or outside the home) they can find themselves without adult supervision.
The eldest one should know at least to ring the emergency number or get a neighbour.
10 min alone in the house is not such a big issue.

The pendulum has swung far in the other direction from the days when mentioning taking your eyes off any child under the age of sixteen was met with posts consisting of "madeleine mccann... Just saying"

They can but it is all about risk reduction. And no leaving them home alone at the age of six is a clea way to reduce risk. As is, say, not climbing a tall ladder to wash windows when you're in sole charge of toddlers. But climbing up and down stairs is a fairly necessary action.

Has it really swung? Because the OP and most pps are still on the can't take eyes off for a second camp.

The pendulum in the other direction would be primary school children having house keys and waiting at home for parents to return from work. Or being in the street unsupervised till the evening.

10 min alone at home is still very much on the can't take eyes off side.

But ten mins alone in the house with the dad having driven off somewhere. That's the difference for me.

Highly unacceptable. I didn’t leave either of mine until aged 10 (and not with the other) to usually drop the younger or older, if they were comfortable in being left.
I didn’t leave them together until one was 12 and the other nearly 14. They would’ve fought otherwise.

Driven off 7 min walk away isn't far.
And definitely not on the other side of the pendulum.

Not saying I'd do it or would be too happy about it, but it's not such a big deal. And I doubt SS would be that interested, as some pp suggested.

It's a shame so many people have no faith in their children's abilities.
They can't think for themselves, they must never deal with anything that may 'upset' them and they can't cope for ten minutes without an adult present.
You can live your life with 'What it's. but you are producing children ill equipped to cope on their own. No wonder mental health in young adults is at such a low level.

Limensoda so what age would you leave a child to care for younger siblings?

@Lweji I certainly do take my eyes off them. They frequently play alone with me elsewhere in the house. Or in the garden without me. I was never the parent who couldn’t shower/shit/sleep unless DH was home to watch the new babies. I send the oldest into a shop to buy things without me while I go to the shop next door. I’ve left him in the library for half an hour while I went to the supermarket next door. But I don’t leave him without any adults around to supervise the others. I very much trust him to make some decisions for and about himself. But not to be responsible for his little brothers.

I believe SS would become interested if an accident occurred and the situation was disclosed. 5years ago we had to call the police when one of the kids went missing at a fair for about 15 minutes, aged 4. Then the following day took the then 2 year old to a&e as he had fallen when we were in another room and had a massive bump on his head. This resulted in a call from Child Services and a follow up with the HV. If one of my sons had been injured or worse and needed medical attention I do think we’d be contacted.

@Limensoda read the whole thread. Properly. This was about leaving my older one to supervise the others for the sake of convenience. I would have had no issue at all with the older one being left alone for the same period of time, or even quite a lot longer.

But it was for about 10 min.

Do you still think it merits rethinking your work arrangements and be livid?

Are you feeling more concerned because of your previous experience with child services?

I'd be furious in your shoes OP.

A four year old is not old enough to left unsupervised and a 9 year old is not old enough to provide that supervision. I think it shows spectacularly poor judgment on your DH's part.

If I popped to a friend's house to find their kids of that aged unsupervised I'd be horrified.

No problem in my opinion.

I would have been OK with him leaving the 9 year old, but not the others.
9 y/o is too young to take responsibility for younger siblings, and they are too young to take responsibility for themselves, so in reality the 6 and 4 y/o were left alone.
I would not be happy and YANBU.

@Lweji 10 minutes is plenty long enough for a choking incident or a fall down the stairs. And certainly plenty for a car accident meaning that the 10 minutes becomes far longer.

Husband has now considered what I’ve said and recognises there were other safer options. So for now, no.

I’m not that worried about social services. Perhaps naively, I believe that they’d only get involved if unavoidable, and for the children’s own good.

I’d leave the 9 year old at home as long as I trusted them but no, not the other 2 they’re too young. I’d be pissed off, big time. Also a 7 minute walk to the shop? Why did he have to strap them all in the car anyway?! Walk and take them with him!

If your 9yr old can be left along for a half hour in a public space “for convenience” so you can get shopping done, then they can watch younger siblings at home for ten minutes.
If you’ve left them all alone at home while you shower, that’s at least ten minutes. So they’re actually used to it.
I understand DH leaving them alone for ten minutes to do a quick run to a shop for milk or whatever is not something you are comfortable with but I am seeing more and more a double standard.
If you do it, you’re justified. If DH does it, it’s not.

Do you also take it in turns to sleep at night in case of a choking accident?

I'd send the 9 year old to the shop with a list. If he is old enough to babysit two small children then shopping should be a breeze.

@sashh actually that would have been an option. Drive them all to the shops and send big one in to do the shopping while DH waited outside (they have forecourt parking) meaning no need to get others out then back in the car.

@Lweji now you’re being daft.

@PlanDeRaccordement nope. Not double standards. I wouldn’t leave them all home alone and I don’t think he should. If we are in the house, even if out of ear shot, one of them can come and find us, and we are likely to hear the door bell go or the smoke detectors going off. He certainly showers / had a half hour poo / mows the grass when I’m not there. If DS is in the library he’s with other adults and will be evacuated with them
If there’s a fire. Hes 100% not going to go off with a stranger and will make a massive attention -drawing fuss if someone tried to take him, which is unlikely. He’s fine left home alone without others to supervise. I would leave him with the others in the library.

Lweji now you’re being daft.

So, you agree with me that you are.

@Limensoda read the whole thread. Properly. This was about leaving my older one to supervise the others for the sake of convenience. I would have had no issue at all with the older one being left alone for the same period of time, or even quite a lot longer

I have read it all... I know you are making a point about it being for convenience. I don't see the difference.....it was for a very short time. Yes, he could have taken them with him and if you prefer that then it's something you have to make him understand for the future but many people would not agree with you on this and wouldn't see it as an issue.

Limensoda so what age would you leave a child to care for younger siblings?

@49StealthPolarBear It depends on the child and for how long. I've already said a nine year old should be able to mind younger siblings for ten minutes on occasion! I don't think it's ok as a regular thing or for long periods.
I know 9 year old who are very capable....and 17 year olds who I wouldn't let look after a goldfish!