To think this is totally unacceptable

[bonzo77]

Leaving 3 boys aged 9,6 and 4 home alone while you “nip to the shops”. Shops are a 7 minute walk / 1 minute drive away. Boys are brothers, prone to fighting but generally sensible: very unlikely to try to cook anything etc.

To avoid drip feeding. DH did this. He drove. He thought it was too much hassle to strap them all into the car. I might have left the 9 year old (10 in March). But he knows my mobile number, and not DH’s. I would probably be more likely to have left the errand till another time.

I’m fucking livid, DH cannot see the issue. I’m re-thinking my work arrangements as this was when he was meant to be looking after them while I was at work.

[Butterfly02]

I've just started leaving my soon to be 11 years old twins alone while I collect eldest.
I'm a single parent so won't comment on parenting differences but will say before I left DC I needed to know what they would do in different emergencies - we have a list of emergency contacts and also which neighbours to go to. It's not only are they sensible but how do they react to the unexpected and what are your rules about opening the door if your not in. Imo you can't just start leaving children home alone without setting up boundaries and rules / expectations.

[Keepmewarm]

He couldn’t be bothered to strap them all in indicates that they can’t do it themselves. If they can’t do that then they can’t be left home alone.

[Deadringer]

In these circumstances he is just incredibly lazy and irresponsible. I would be raging.

[SansaSnark]

How does the 9yo feel about it? Not that that should be the deciding factor if you're uncomfortable, but if he was worried, then that might help you raise the problem with your dh?

9 is too young to be in a position if responsibility for younger siblings - if they start fighting or get upset, it's not fair on the 9yo to have to deal with it.

I also agree with others what if something stopped him from getting back - it's unlikely but the car could break down, he could be involved in a crash, he could get blocked in at the shop etc.

[Witchend]

It depends so much on the child.
At that age dd1 would have probably got her siblings sitting down listening to a story and been very proud of herself for looking after them. She (and the others) would have far preferred to do that than go out. Because they were given the responsibility they would have acted up to it. She would have been absolutely fine.

All three would have known to dial 999 in an emergency and to evacuate the house if necessary from younger than 9yo.
Surely most 9yo know 999?
Dd2 even now in her mid teens I never know what to find when I come back having left her and ds (nearly teen). They may have cuddled up to watch a DVD, gone off in a strop to respective rooms, organised tidying of the house... or decided to make toffee with all the sugar they can find in the house.

[custardbear]

He put your kids at risk ... because he was being lazy - prick - I'd have really had a go at him

[bonzo77]

@CymaticPrincess88 yep. Still breathing. In the same way you can drive without a seatbelt or sail without a life jacket. Until you can’t.

[bonzo77]

@Keepmewarm the older two can strap themselves in. But the smallest can’t and I wouldn’t leave the 9 year old responsible for doing that.

[bonzo77]

@starfishmummy hmm. Just because he’s a parent doesn’t mean he always makes good parenting decisions. I know I don’t.

[Poetryinaction]

Quite frankly it terrifies me. In 9 years of having kids, of the eldest's life, he has never been left for 5 minutes?
I wouldn't do it, but if my dh nipped out for 5 mins I wouldn't go mad. If I did do it, I would probably explain to them all and just dash.
I have a 5, 4 and 1 year old, so can't do this yet, but in 4 years time, maybe.

[StealthPolarBear]

Today 14:27Poetryinaction

Quite frankly it terrifies me. In 9 years of having kids, of the eldest's life, he has never been left for 5 minutes?"
Has the op said that or are you assuming

[StealthPolarBear]

And if that terrifies you are you generally quite a nervy person?

[blackteasplease]

Yanbu. I’m yet to leave my 11 yo dd in charge of my 5 (nearly 6) yo Ds, because he isn’t sensible enough to listen to her. I’ll be a couple of years or more before i do!

My exh apparently has though, just to “nip to the shops” as you describe. 11 yo has a phone and knows how to call police /fire / ambulance/ ex’s number but still.

[blackteasplease]

I leave 11 yo alone of course.

[bonzo77]

@Poetryinaction @StealthPolarBeardo you mean me, the OP? I’m happy to leave the 9 year old home alone for up to 20-30 mins. Not terrified in the least. But think leaving him with the 6 and 4 year olds in anything other than a life threatening emergency, not a risk worth considering. Maybe to administer CPR to a neighbour. Not to purchase and onion which is what this was for!

[Lweji]

Not the best of choices, but not really to the point of livid and re-thinking work arrangements, IMO.

[Lweji]

Tell him to send the 9 year old to buy the onion next time.

[ivykaty44]

I find the fact your dh was to lazy to say - hay boys let’s walk to the shop 6 minutes walk away outrageous. Ffs how lazy

[Limensoda]

He still wouldn't have had the first clue what to do in an emergency, would he? Or even if he knew the 'theory' (dial 999 etc) can you be 100% certain he wouldn't have panicked?

What??!!! Of course my grandson would have known what to do! He's not stupid. Why would you think his parents hadn't taught him anything by that age?
What age do you think you should start teaching kids what to do in emergencies? This is one of the problems with many parents. They treat children like babies far too long. It's not traumatic for a nine year old to watch a younger sibling for a short time.
My grandson would have kept his brother engaged in something not just left him to his own devices......and no, he wouldn't have panicked.

[GrumpyHoonMain]

If your DH is relying on your 9 yo to do the parenting (this is probably just a symptom I bet your 9 yo does a lot more when you aren’t around) then he isn’t fit to look after the kids.

[Courtney555]

He made a mistake. Have your moment and move on.

It's a one off, he's seen that it's not appropriate, and no, he's not to do it again. But this "now I'll have to rethink my entire working arrangements" is a ridiculous over reaction on your part.

[NameChangedNoImagination]

@Hithere2 you went crazy with your husband because he left two sleeping children in the car for 5 minutes while he went to pick up food, and could see the car the whole time?!

I really think that is majorly OTT.

[NameChangedNoImagination]

These are clearly going to be the kids who are not allowed to go the park on their own when they're 16 as they're still a 'child'.

[Mummadeeze]

I would have been furious too. A 9 year old is not old enough to be a babysitter.

[weymouthswanderingmermaid]

My DH has done this, albeit for a shorter time as the shop is less than a 5 min walk away. I was also furious. My eldest is now 10, I leave him in the house alone for maybe up to 20mins. He knows how to use the mobile to contact me if he needs to (and has, just to ask how long I'd be, bless him!).
But I wouldn't leave him with his 8yo brother. I think 8 is too young to be left without a parent, plus I don't trust the two of them together.
I'd have been raging if my DH has left a 4yo!
OP YANBU.