To think this is totally unacceptable

[bonzo77]

Leaving 3 boys aged 9,6 and 4 home alone while you “nip to the shops”. Shops are a 7 minute walk / 1 minute drive away. Boys are brothers, prone to fighting but generally sensible: very unlikely to try to cook anything etc.

To avoid drip feeding. DH did this. He drove. He thought it was too much hassle to strap them all into the car. I might have left the 9 year old (10 in March). But he knows my mobile number, and not DH’s. I would probably be more likely to have left the errand till another time.

I’m fucking livid, DH cannot see the issue. I’m re-thinking my work arrangements as this was when he was meant to be looking after them while I was at work.

Unacceptable. But surely at least the older 2 can strap themselves into the car?

No not the 4 year old.....the 9 and 6 for 10 minutes possibly but yes that was bad.

Totally unacceptable. It's far too much responsibility to place on a 9 year old's shoulders.

He should have left the nine year old and taken the other two.

There's such a thing as being too precious and too paranoid. Around 10 minutes is not that much of a big deal and clearly no one is hurt or harmed in any way.

he might be the parent and making parenting choices but that doesn't mean that they are good ones. some are just lazy or selfish.

Agree with most of the others. A sensible 9 year old on his own for a short while - absolutely fine. 9 and 6 year old together - I wouldn't personally but wouldn't be too critical of others. 3 young boys left alone, especially with the youngest only 4 - absolutely no way. Lazy irresponsible parenting.

Far too much responsibility for the oldest.

The 9 y/o I’d leave, the 6 y/o I don’t think I could unless they were really sensible and switched on for their age and the 4 y/o absolutely no way in this world I’d leave them even with the two older siblings in the house.

Also agree probably not, especially the youngest.
I do most of the childcare in our household, but I've always made sure my DH has been happy about new steps in leaving our child alone, rather than presenting him with a fait accompli. Usually he trusts my judgement, but occasionally he's offered to come home from work early instead. Perhaps that's the line to push - that before doing anything new like that, you discuss it. (There will be loads more variations on this issue to come - when you're happy to leave each child or each combination, for how long and at what time of day.)

Your dh thinks leaving the 9 year old in the parental role to take care of his siblings is ok.
Horrible position for the 9 year old and siblings too.

How did he grow up? Is he repeating what he lived?
What did he go and buy?

6 year old is a maybe, depends on how sensible they are. Would definitely leave the 9 year old alone, my 9 year old DS actually loves being left alone for 10 mins- makes him feel independent. I don’t think leaving the 4 year old is acceptable though.

No it is not acceptable. Children are not able to deal with emergencies at that age and NSPCC recommend they not be left alone until the age of 12. Obviously some children are more mature than others and in this case there was no harm done but I would be making it very clear to your DH you are not happy if he does this.

I will leave my 10 and 6 year old at home while I nip out with the dog in horrible weather but not with the other 6 year old as they would be in danger from each other I think! No way a 4 year old so you ANBU.

It's the 4 year old that tips it over for me. In an emergency, I would leave my nine and 6 year old for 10 mins (but it would have to be an emergency, not being bothered to strap them in wouldn't count).

And I'm fairly lax about these things - I'm happy to leave the 6 year old in the car while I pop down to get his brother from the playground after school etc. Although I wouldn't if I was popping in a shop, because a) I don't know how long it'll take and b) he would be surrounded by strangers, not fellow parents from his school

9 year old would be fine, possibly the 6 with the 9 if they were both sensible. Never the 4 year old, at that age they will almost certainly need adult intervention during 10 minutes, and it's to much responsibility to ask the other kids to look after them.

9 year old maybe, but def not with the two younger ones. Far too young for that responsibility. Totally unacceptable.

@Pardonwhat I agree. The 9 and 6 yr old together may be ok, it’s the 4 year old that’s the problem.
YANBU OP.

YANBU

Children are more capable than most parents give them credit for. If you've always hovered over them, no they won't be.
My grandson was well capable at 9 to watch his 3 year old brother for ten minutes or even longer, far better than his 17 year old brother was. He was very protective of him. It does depend on the child involved.

I'm not sure about this one. My parents left me and my brothers home alone briefly around those ages, but we were fairly sensible and knew we could go to the neighbours if need be (we never had to do that). This was in the late 80's though when people did this kind of thing without so much hand-wringing and didn't really have mobile phones etc. Only you know if your children are ready for being left alone though. And if they aren't then your husband was being an idiot.

Very dangerous. Sloppy neglectful parenting.

I’d be livid too.

The DH is also their parent, hes allowed to make parenting decisions regarding his kids.

Not if they're stupid ones.

He should have taken the 4 year old with him.

Thanks folks. I appreciate the responses. Even the ones that don’t agree with me! I would have not blinked an eye if he’s left the 9 year old alone under these circumstances. It’s the fact he left all 3, which felt too risky in case anything happened at home, and even more so if anything happened to DH.

My grandson was well capable at 9 to watch his 3 year old brother for ten minutes or even longer, far better than his 17 year old brother was. He was very protective of him. It does depend on the child involved.

He still wouldn't have had the first clue what to do in an emergency, would he? Or even if he knew the 'theory' (dial 999 etc) can you be 100% certain he wouldn't have panicked?

Not fair in any way to put him in that position