To think this is totally unacceptable

[bonzo77]

Leaving 3 boys aged 9,6 and 4 home alone while you “nip to the shops”. Shops are a 7 minute walk / 1 minute drive away. Boys are brothers, prone to fighting but generally sensible: very unlikely to try to cook anything etc.

To avoid drip feeding. DH did this. He drove. He thought it was too much hassle to strap them all into the car. I might have left the 9 year old (10 in March). But he knows my mobile number, and not DH’s. I would probably be more likely to have left the errand till another time.

I’m fucking livid, DH cannot see the issue. I’m re-thinking my work arrangements as this was when he was meant to be looking after them while I was at work.

I wouldn't be happy with the 4 year old being left behind. That's too much responsibility for a 9 year old.

But I wouldn't leave him with his 8yo brother. I think 8 is too young to be left without a parent, plus I don't trust the two of them together

That's a reflection on you, not them.

I think it’s over reacting to be “fucking livid” and “rethinking...working arrangements”
So much wrong with that. The kids are old enough to be alone for a few minutes occasionally. It’s a minor mistake at most. Just tell him you are not comfortable and agree on what age they need to be when you do feel comfortable. Your husband is not a child that cannot be trusted to parent such that you need to change your work hours.

How does he react when you make a mistake? Is he “fucking livid” and thinking about working fewer hours so he can supervise your parenting?

bonzo77 I was responding to the poster who found it terrifying your 9yo had never been left alone (if that is the case).

Wow no wonder our children can't do anything for themselves, have no problem solving skills, are unable to take risks and mental health issues.

It actually terrifies what we are doing to our children with all this helicopter parenting.

A 9 year old should be perfectly capable of looking after his siblings for 10 mins. And to know what to do in an emergency or if Das doesn't reappear. If our 9 year olds don't have these basic skills, we are doing something really wrong.

If our 9 year olds don't have these basic skills, we are doing something really wrong

I concur.
Stop over protecting children to the point they lack necessary skills.

@bonzo77 but still his to make.

It seems to be a fairly common opinion on mumsnet that fathers are not allowed to make decisions about their kids, which is ridiculous.

Surely you are doing this anytime you have a bath, cook etc? It’s not great and the youngest is very young, however I find it hard to believe that there are no times where the kids are not supervised for ten minutes in your day to day life.

I might might might have left the older two, but not the 4 yr old. Too much responsibility for the older ones, and too much potential for chaos. I do leave my 9 yr old for 5 mins while I take younger to beavers etc.

An adult is in the house and responsible though bloggalicious.

If you're in the bath or cooking would you not hear your children shout if they needed you? Would there be a reasonable chance something would go wrong meaning you wouldn't get to them at the time you planned?

I'm amazed that some people can't comprehend the difference

Else you could argue that you leave your baby sleeping in their cot and go in the bath etc for an hour so why not pop to the pub for an hour?

@bonzo77 but still his to make.
It seems to be a fairly common opinion on mumsnet that fathers are not allowed to make decisions about their kids, which is ridiculous

Honestly don’t understand this view at all. It’s not about whether the parent is male or female.

It’s about the welfare and safety of children.

When did gender politics become more important than child safety?

@StealthPolarBear totally agree. Why not go out all night every night while they are asleep?

For some on this thread this would make logical sense. And anyway how dare anyone it’s a fathers choice to make...

The main point is that an unnecessary risk was taken out of laziness.

It wouldn't be acceptable to SS, so if there was an accident, you either have to get everyone lying or be under investigation. The 6&4 year old wouldn't be able to keep up the lie and the shit really would hit the fan.

Or you could just parent your children properly and not be a lazy fucker.

@Limensoda what, like take action in an emergency?

It’s totally unfair on the nine year old; to say otherwise is reckless and choosing convenience over responsible decisions

@Clearnightsky nowt to do with his sex. And definitely not his gender. All about his decision making and how he prioritised safety vs convenience. I’d always assumed he made good decisions, and we normally discuss stuff anyway. This threw me.

What if DH had an accident in the way and was longer? Unnecessary risk imo

@bonzo77 It is scary when a partner breaks our trust in them. Hopefully you can talk it through and they can see why it’s important.

As a barometer I often think - what would I think if a nursery or childminder or school did this?

We should be of at least the same standards!

@Limensoda what, like take action in an emergency?It’s totally unfair on the nine year old; to say otherwise is reckless and choosing convenience over responsible decisions

It would be unfair if you expected a nine year old to look after younger children regularly for long periods, I agree. However, we are talking about a very short time once, or occasionally!
In many parts of the world, children aged 9 can and do show capability in many things. Here, they can't because they are over protected and nothing is expected of them.
And yes,...a nine year old is capable of taking action in an emergency if they have been taught and often, even if they haven't.

1 min away, I wouldn't get too riled about a five mins out the house. Probably has longer poos

9yo fine - but can't be held responsible for younger siblings.
6yo.. depends on 6yo. Only a parent knows how reliable they are.
4yo... Not old enough to be responsible for themselves.

Risk assessment is balancing likelihood of risk with possible outcome. So it's likely the parent would be gone for 10-15 mins max- but the consequence of the unlikely scenario of 9yo falling down stairs, gas explosion, car accident etc in that outweighs the small risk of it happening.

What if DH had an accident in the way

What if DH had an accident in the way with the kids in the car?

Anything can happen in what if land.

Also, only one parent in the house? What if he fell down the stairs and was unconscious, or had a heart attack?
I think you should both leave your jobs and stay at home with the children the whole time. Assuming a plane or meteor won't fall on the house.