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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To let her cry herself to sleep

89 replies

Whodoyoutrust · 15/11/2019 19:49

DD is 9 months old, was a good sleeper until the 8 months sleep regression. But now will not sleep unless there's a boob in her mouth. This is generally ok as we just co sleep but it means that I can't go out in the evenings or have a drink.

I went out last night to see friends and left DD with DH. She just cries herself to sleep. DH rocked, patted, cuddled, shusshed, walked up and down with her but ultimately she just cried herself to sleep whilst being held (she'd been fed). At nap time today it was the same- my mum had her and she tried everything but DD just cried and cried.

Right now she's finished her feed but won't let me extract myself, just keeps crying. I'm home alone with DS(3), haven't eaten and have stuff that needs doing. Is it really bad if I just hold her whilst she cries herself to sleep? Nothing but my boob will stop her!

OP posts:

Original poster

Whodoyoutrust · 15/11/2019 19:52

Sorry 10months, I'm very sleep deprived!

OP posts:

Thehop · 15/11/2019 19:52

This period is shit. I thought it was never ending.

The book “no cry sleep solution” is good but she may be a little young I can’t remember

The Facebook page “can I breastfeed in it support” or something similar is brilliant for this stuff

EleanorReally · 15/11/2019 19:54

No, do it gradually, will she sleep in the day

Waveysnail · 15/11/2019 19:54

All mine wailed for 5mins and conked out. Only discovered with the first as really had to go to the toilet so popped in cot, then door rang with delivery so ran to get that and then silence from bedroom.

Plus I dont classify as dh holding her as crying to sleep as she was being cuddled.

Lweji · 15/11/2019 19:55

I know the feeling.
Later I understood that DS cried when he wanted to sleep but couldn't. For example while taking himself to the toilet for a wee during the night.
You may try putting her to bed earlier before she gets too tired.

Sibello · 15/11/2019 19:56

No thats horrible

RolytheRhino · 15/11/2019 19:57

Everything I've read indicates that there is a huge difference between being left to cry and being held and comforted while crying. The latter is not considered to be damaging AFAIK.

runoutofideasnow · 15/11/2019 19:57

If you're holding her I don't think it's the same as her crying herself to sleep.
I also wouldn't think you were unreasonable if you had to put her down somewhere safe so you can put your 3yo to bed and have something to eat.
I know it's horrible to hear but babies from loving homes are not damaged by being left to cry occasionally while their parents see to other children's or their own needs.

Could she be teething btw? Worth trying Calpol.

Lweji · 15/11/2019 19:59

The more your DH tried, the more upset she got, probably.

I did leave DS on the crib and patted every minute a few times, then every 2 min. He usually fell asleep in 5-10 min top.

Original poster

Whodoyoutrust · 15/11/2019 19:59

will she sleep in the day

No, not without a boob in the mouth.

My boobs are currently ripped to shreds due to being sucked on for 8 hours.

@Sibello what do you suggest I do?

OP posts:

MrsKoala · 15/11/2019 20:00

Mine were/are like that. I figured that as long as they weren't alone crying and were being held and comforted by DH then they were okay. They wanted me all the time, but it would have meant me never going out or seeing to the others.

Borderterrierpuppy · 15/11/2019 20:01

I would pop her in her cot, get on with what you need to do and go in every few minutes to reassure her.

user1468348545 · 15/11/2019 20:03

Following with interest as I have exactly the same situation with my 9 and a half month old. We cosleep as I need sleep but god is It draining not even getting a bit of time here and there to myself. Am considering looking into gentle sleep training as want her in her cot as I can't get comfy now shes getting so big and is such a bed hog!!

Original poster

Whodoyoutrust · 15/11/2019 20:03

DS is in bed, he goes earlier than DD so she wasnt crying when I put him to bed.

I think it'll be easier to wait until she's asleep and put her down (she will go down if she cries herself to sleep on someone but won't if fed to sleep) than to put her down, walk away whilst I make food as then she'll be alone and crying, or crying in her highchair.

OP posts:

Trumpleton · 15/11/2019 20:04

I don't think holding her while she cries is bad in the slightest, you are still comforting her !! Also, do what works for you, you have to eat!!
I eventually tried leaving my son to cry in his cot because I realised me being there was getting him more het up (around 11 months) and he was actually crying because he was tired. I think I was more of a distraction with my boobs!

JusticeForSandra · 15/11/2019 20:04

This reply has been deleted

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EleanorReally · 15/11/2019 20:05

I agree with keep going back to reassure, good luck

runoutofideasnow · 15/11/2019 20:05

@JusticeForSandra oh do F off.
Op isn't leaving the baby to cry by herself with no one looking after her. She was being looked after by her father or grandmother.

Tattooedmama · 15/11/2019 20:06

I have every sympathy, mine is older he is 2 in 3 weeks... i have fully day weaned.
Tonight is night 1 of him going bed without the breast. Already attempted it once this evening and he was hysterical... im in for a long weekend and week, with lots of cuddles and paw patrol.

M0reGinPlease · 15/11/2019 20:08

Can you not let her fall asleep properly on the boob and then put her down?

QueenofmyPrinces · 15/11/2019 20:08

Holding her and cuddling her is not “letting her cry herself to sleep”

Crying herself to sleep in a horrible way is putting her in her cot whilst she’s upset and then just leaving her, which isn’t what you’re doing

I have the exact same problem with my son (though he’s older) and if he gets upset when I put him in his cot then I just stay with him until he eventually realised that milk is not on the agenda and falls asleep.

I genuinely don’t see anything wrong with that. Having a baby/infant that will only sleep if they are breast fed to sleep is really horrible - it drains me.

Don’t feel guilty OP

Original poster

Whodoyoutrust · 15/11/2019 20:08

I have tickets to the theatre this week and I'm supposed to be going out for a friends birthday later in the week but if it's really awful to leave her to cry I'll have to cancel!

OP posts:

Oly4 · 15/11/2019 20:09

No don’t leave a baby to cry to sleep. It’s unecessary. This is an intense phase and it’s enough to make you cry yourself but she WILL sleep eventually. I have 3 kids, they all slept around the age of 2. Seems a lifetime but you will honestly look back and be glad of every cuddle. Her falling asleep on your boob is her being content with her mummy. Just go with it. It will change

Original poster

Whodoyoutrust · 15/11/2019 20:10

@M0reGinPlease no, she wakes as soon as it leaves her mouth- she's had the boob in her mouth ALL night for the last few weeks. As soon as it slips out she wakes up, repositions herself on the boob and falls back asleep.

OP posts:

Winterdaysarehere · 15/11/2019 20:10

I sent dh in with a bottle of water. Ds wasn't interested but settled in a few mins. No talking. No dm or boob! Slept through on the third night. I never went in. He associated me with bf and boob. Dh's hairy moobs were of zero interest!!

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