To let her cry herself to sleep

[Whodoyoutrust]

DD is 9 months old, was a good sleeper until the 8 months sleep regression. But now will not sleep unless there's a boob in her mouth. This is generally ok as we just co sleep but it means that I can't go out in the evenings or have a drink.

I went out last night to see friends and left DD with DH. She just cries herself to sleep. DH rocked, patted, cuddled, shusshed, walked up and down with her but ultimately she just cried herself to sleep whilst being held (she'd been fed). At nap time today it was the same- my mum had her and she tried everything but DD just cried and cried.

Right now she's finished her feed but won't let me extract myself, just keeps crying. I'm home alone with DS(3), haven't eaten and have stuff that needs doing. Is it really bad if I just hold her whilst she cries herself to sleep? Nothing but my boob will stop her!

You have inadvertently trained her to sleep in your arms with your boob in her mouth. Babies do cry and sometimes you have to let them (in a controlled way). It's your duty as parent to teach her (gently) rather than just keep her quiet. She won't like the change and will protest loudly but it will eventually have to happen. I found health visitors a most helpful source of in formation and support

@Whodoyoutrust why would you need to be tee total? You know it’s a huge myth that you can’t drink and breastfeed right?

Randomname85 yes, I know I can drink and breastfeed, but I can't drink and bedshare.

What teething medication have you tried? When mine started teething in earnest at that age he needed baby ibuprofen to get to sleep, it seems like teeth hurt most in the evening. Try some and see if it helps her. He gets a bit keen on trying to sleep on the boob when he's teething; but teething meds, chew monkey and very firm back rubs work. Don't ever allow a bite; cry out and be clear she's hurt you then give her the chew toy to clamp on and she'll learn that's what to use. Cuddling her to sleep while she cries is necessary IMO because your nipples can't keep this up (still cosleeping and breastfeeding at 20 months here but not allowed to regularly fall asleep on the boob). Your DH will have to find his own way to get her to sleep, you just worru about your nights.

Will she sleep in a buggy/with movement? That could be a way to get her to sleep if she will then transition into the cot. But no use if she won't stay asleep when the movement stops, as you can't leave them to sleep overnight in a buggy (the harness is a strangulation hazard).

If no other options then yes crying in-arms is better than crying alone. And I totally get it. How long of crying does it take before she falls asleep?

The Pantley Pull-Off or the Sarah Ockwell Smith night weaning method is another way to stop reliance on the boob but it takes time.

When I had to/wanted to go out and leave my feed-to-sleeper I would just let the person babysitting know that I didn't mind whether he slept or not. I would usually come back at around 11pm to find him awake and watching TV with Grandma on the settee. Sometimes he would be so tired and relaxed that he fell asleep there. I think sometimes trying to make them stay in the bedroom upsets them more because they have that association with milk and aren't getting any. So just letting them not-sleep seems to help. However, that only works if it's a one off, it's not really practical to do that every night.

Well last night she cried on/ off for 35 minutes before falling asleep and going down. She woke at 11.30, fed, cried on me for 15 minutes but it was much less full on and more moany "why aren't I asleep" cry, fell asleep on the bed next to me and slept until 6am!

That's encouraging. :)

Amazing! Carry on for another couple of nights and you'll have cracked it! Your boobs will thank you for it.

She was sleeping through consistently from 10 weeks to around 7.5 months so I know she can do it. She's sooo different to my son!

🎉🥳

No more being a human dummy!!!

Your poor nipples can start to recover

Well done OP.

There’s so much panic and hysteria about not letting them cry themselves to sleep. If you are right there comforting them it’s not comparable to just leaving them.

Unreasonable to leave a baby (or anyone else, up to a point...) to cry herself to sleep but not unreasonable to hold her, cuddle her and comfort her (or for her other parent or grandparents to do so) while she cries herself to sleep rather than have her physically sucking on your nipple 24 hours per day!

I'd never leave a baby to cry but used to childmind and if I was cuddling the baby I wasn't leaving them to cry - I couldn't breastfed them obviously!

Leaving to cry and holding close while they cry are different.

I'd assume that there's something wrong (teething, tummy ache, some kind of discomfort) as my experience is that babies don't cry and cry unless something is wrong, but obviously identifying the something is the problem and it could be overtiredness too of course...

Good luck - as long as you don't leave her crying on her own for longer than it takes to go to the toilet I think you're fine.

I had a terrible sleeper after two good sleepers and weaned completely at 14 months because he still wanted to breastfeed hourly 24/7... Unfortunately it didn't help his sleep at all and it was over a year after that before he slept for more than a couple of hours together, but I remember the exhaustion of being his only comfort!

That's great,. OP.

I really hate the way the smug and sanctimonious brigade move the bloody goalposts. Obviously, leaving babies to cry alone for any non-trivial length of time is a bad idea. But scaring mothers into thinking that any crying will permanently damage their baby, even if the baby is safe, loved and held close while they're crying, is fear-mongering bullshit. I had so much unnecessary stress in the new baby days because the bloody health visitor made me feel that any amount of crying from my baby amounted to a failure on my part, because I should be able to fend off any crying by reading my baby's cues and anticipating her needs. But no amount of carrying and comfort-nursing stopped my baby being a big cryer. Babies cry, some more than others. Sometimes all you can do is be there for them and sit with them through their distress (and that doesn't change when they get older).