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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at DP getting a load of cash out?

110 replies

nancyjuice7 · 15/11/2019 17:11

DP went out last night on a works do in the city centre.

Went out at 6pm came back at 3.30am with a pizza, slept on sofa til 7 then came up to bed.
Pretty standard no issue

I've went in his wallet to get money out for a takeaway he wants and found £175 in cash, £10 and £5 notes.

He rarely has cash and work do's are always paid for, drinks food ect all night. There's no need to take money out other than a taxi.

I've thrown a strop and made him show me his banking and he withdrew £200.

He's got no explanation and I don't know wether I'm being unreasonable in being annoyed and overthinking things?

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 15/11/2019 17:37

I've then counted it and asked him where he's got this money from as he rarely has cash.

Which you had absolutely no right to do.

If my DH decided to count the money in my purse and then questioned me bout where I got it, I'd think he was a controlling prick.

And 'hormones' would have nothing to do with it.

gobbynorthernbird · 15/11/2019 17:38

@Wonkybanana other people (mostly DD) go in my purse fairly regularly. I would snatch it back off them if they were counting what was in there if they were only supposed to be grabbing out a tenner to pay for a takeaway.

AutumnRose1 · 15/11/2019 17:38

“ As I've seen the amount of cash in there, he's tried to snatch it back. Which would arise suspicion in anyone.
I've then counted it and asked him where he's got this money from as he rarely has cash”

Trying to snatch it back is a bit odd

But you counting the cash is proper cray cray.

gobbynorthernbird · 15/11/2019 17:39

Your story has already changed from making you show his banking to him offering to show you. Quick work, OP.

PawPawNoodle · 15/11/2019 17:40

I think you were controlling and abusive by taking the decision to count the cash he had in his wallet and then making him validate why he had that money. If my partner had a large amount of cash in his wallet I would say something along the lines of "oh you have a lot of cash in your wallet, I've just taken £20 out" and that would be it, because it's none of my business if it isn't my money, and I trust my partner.

For what it's worth, the fact that it's in £10s and £5s probably goes against your theories on him acting nefariously; I don't know any strippers, prostitutes, drug dealers or gamblers that operate in denominations of 5.

gobbynorthernbird · 15/11/2019 17:40

Ugh, I'm tired. That should read you making him show his banking to you.

Original poster
nancyjuice7 · 15/11/2019 17:40

I guess this all depends on what is normal for you.
If you often have cash on you, then of course this wouldn't be an issue.

The issue I'm stating is, he's tried to snatch a wallet back that has £175 in, which he never ever has in cash. Both of those behaviours are odd

I'm not controlling or abusive. But I'll take I'm being irrational for questioning him about it

OP posts:
AutumnRose1 · 15/11/2019 17:43

I don’t know why you know how much he normally has in cash, especially as it’s his cash and not joint cash.

It is controlling.

gobbynorthernbird · 15/11/2019 17:44

OP, going by your first post (before you changed your story) you are both controlling and abusive.

AutumnRose1 · 15/11/2019 17:45

Oh yes, your OP said “ I've thrown a strop and made him show me his banking and he withdrew £200”

Thrown a strop because....adult has cash in wallet?

Angie6868 · 15/11/2019 17:45

I've got no idea what the issue is. The cash machine nearest to me often dispenses £5 notes as well. I don't understand. What's the problem?

Original poster
nancyjuice7 · 15/11/2019 17:45

@gobbynorthernbird sorry I forgot you where in the room and heard the conversation.

The more times you comment on this post calling me either abusive or controlling dosnt make it true. yawnnnn

OP posts:
Bluerussian · 15/11/2019 17:48

I don't see the problem, am I missing something? It's always a good idea to carry some cash - so he did. Can't believe you went through his wallet! Does he go through yours?

At my last visit to the ATM I got a few fivers, tenners and twenties. I too drew out £200, nobody questioned me :-).

Original poster
nancyjuice7 · 15/11/2019 17:49

@AutumnRose1 We regularly go into each others purses or wallets and sometimes will only take one or the other out with us

He asked me to go into his wallet I did not go in there snooping

OP posts:
Leaspr · 15/11/2019 17:50

I withdrew £40 the other day and 20 of it came out in £5 notes. Which I did think was unusual but I very rarely withdraw money these days!

SleepingStandingUp · 15/11/2019 17:51

What is it that's annoyed you op?

The thought he might have lost it?
The thought he might have spent it making you short?
The thought he was planning on posting down a g string?

Really without knowing what's going on in your head, it's hard to say if yabu or not

spaghettiforhair · 15/11/2019 17:52

Tesco cash machines give out £5 notes..
not really sure what you are upset about it's not like he spent the £200

gobbynorthernbird · 15/11/2019 17:52

Do you want to read back your own first post? Where you bullied your DP into showing you his financial transactions.

Pollaidh · 15/11/2019 17:52

You are being weird.

He could easily have been so drunk he typed an extra 0, and doesn't want to admit he was so drunk.

Whilst machines around here don't seem to do £5 notes, some definitely do, I happened to look it up only yesterday.

He might have been expecting to have to pay something in cash, if a group bill, but ended splitting the bill onto cards instead.

He might be thinking about buying your xmas present and doesn't want you to see it on a statement.

He might have a number of needs for cash coming up - tip for cleaner, paying the window cleaner etc, and thought it made more sense to take it all out instead of making repeat trips.

Occam's razor - there are plenty of simple, sensible solutions to this 'mystery' without invoking prostitutes and strip clubs.

AutumnRose1 · 15/11/2019 17:53

OP, yes, I get that he asked you to take some money from his wallet

But after that you commented on what was in it, he tried to snatch it back, I can’t tell before or after you started counting notes, then, in your own words, threw a strop and wanted to see his online banking?!

How is it your business if he has £0, £20 or £200 in his wallet?

fedup21 · 15/11/2019 17:53

What exactly are you cross about? Are you cross because he got money out when he doesn’t usually?

You do realise that sounds controlling, don’t you?

shiningstar2 · 15/11/2019 17:53

I think you are feeling a little insecure op. Basically you are asking why he wants £175 in cash on a night out that has been paid for on a card. You are wondering if he wanted cash because he could then keep secret the buying of something he would prefer to hide from you ..for example a prostitute on a lads night out. You have come on here to find out whether your half suspicions are reasonable. I can understand your concerns if it is unusual for your dh to have this amount of money in his wallet but I think you just need to chill out a bit. If he is usually trustworthy I would let it go. Who knows ...he may have taken the money out to buy you a Christmas present without you seeing it on the statement. Smile

ReanimatedSGB · 15/11/2019 17:53

Are you interfering, controlling and bossy when you're not menstruating? If not, it might be worth investigating if there is any way of regulating what sounds like a genuine hormonal issue. If you are constantly checking up on him, then maybe you need to consider whether that's really acceptable, and how long he will put up with it.

Unless there is a massive backstory of him spending all the family money on drugs/ sex workers/showing off and buying his colleagues drink after drink when you and DC are going short on essentials, YABVU.

AutumnRose1 · 15/11/2019 17:53

Actually, now I’m wondering if you’re his pimp.....😂

Livebythecoast · 15/11/2019 17:54

My local Tesco express cash machine always gives £5 - so if ask for £30 it will give me 1 x £10 and 4 x £5 so I wouldn't be suspicious of the denominations

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