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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what would you do?

117 replies

Magazian · 15/11/2019 12:46

Yesterday I took my 3 week old to the gp as he had a slight cold, fever and was vomiting. They said it could just be a cold but to take him to be checked out at A&E so I did and they said it was probably a viral infection but they would keep him in to monitor him overnight.

So I tried to phone boyfriend (babies dad) and he didn't answer. But when I tried again his phone was off.

This morning he messaged asking why i kept calling him. I told him and he said he was busy helping his friend (who he knows fancies him and has tried to make a move on him multiple times) with an assignment.

Would you be suspicious about this? Or is it just hormones? And wwyd?

OP posts:
kingsassassin · 17/11/2019 09:10

Dont go to his mum's for lunch - that's a crazy idea. You need to work out proper contact for your ex and stick to it. Ignore his mother!

RedHelenB · 17/11/2019 09:27

Hes the father so should be on the birth certificate for the sake of your baby BUT give the baby your surname. As to access, do it to suit baby but you can't use it as a bargaining tool.

JorisBonson · 17/11/2019 09:27

WHY would you go to his mums for lunch??

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 17/11/2019 09:33

He's behaving like the child he is...

He won't get custody... Men rarely do of young infants anyway...

He the best mum you can be...

Get legal advice

Original poster
Magazian · 17/11/2019 09:38

I said I would go to his mum's because she asked but not sure now.

OP posts:
Chickenwing · 17/11/2019 09:42

You sound as though you aren't reading the responses and advice properly. It's insane that you would want to go to lunch with his mum. You should be staying well away from his family now after his threats. Get in touch with a lawyer to sort things out. He cant just get full custody- that's ridiculous. Do you live with your parents? I think you need to have a conversation with someone who cares about you and is in your corner. Stay away from his family and dont try to contact him again.

Original poster
Magazian · 17/11/2019 09:47

No i dont live with my parents. I was still thinking of going to his mum's because I said I would.

OP posts:
Hellofromtheotherside2020 · 17/11/2019 09:50

Oh my goodness, I'm sorry, but you do sound so young for 19. Please, please speak to your parents.

Stay away from him and his family. Ignore them for now. You and your baby are your priority now.

Ask your parents if they're able to go with you to seek some legal advice - even citizens advice for some initial advice.

Think very carefully about putting him on the baby's birth certificate.

Don't worry about if someone fancies him or if he fancies someone else. Or if he's cheated. Or if he's blocked you. You have an ill newborn (his child!) and he's blocked you! What if you need to speak to him about the baby? That won't look good for him when he goes for full custody (which he will not get).

I'm glad you have your family around you for support.

Chubby1245 · 17/11/2019 09:58

I had a baby at 18 and I was no way this immature. This can’t be real surely.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 17/11/2019 10:04

Apart from his pathetic threats to get full custody ( and I'm thinking that his mother is the Devil driving this particular chariot ) is he abusive or violent ?

He was (until this debacle) coming to see the baby .and paying .

A trip to A&E with a newborn is scary but as I said before , even as a married parent of 2 , I've had to rush to A&E with mine , and not rung my DH over and over . I was there with my DC where I needed to be .
You'll be in the situation of being up all night with a baby , you will need people onside .

Refusing to put him n the BC smacks of "using your child as a weapon" to quote Jeremy Kyle and if I was the young man's mother , I would start thinking that my son was not the Dad if you pulled that trick.

You cannot put his name on without him being there , you're not married .

He can have Parental Responsibility when he is , which includes finance .

But yes , you both sound immature .

JorisBonson · 17/11/2019 10:05

I had a baby at 18 and I was no way this immature. This can’t be real surely.

I agree @Chubby1245. Somethign isn't right here.

Pardonwhat · 17/11/2019 10:09

In the nicest way possible, I had a baby with a shit of a male when I was 19.
Emotionally it was crippling and I completely empathise. But I do echo that you sound incredibly young.
Why are you even considering going to his mums? Because you said so? Well bloody cancel.
Get a backbone for the sake of your baby.

Original poster
Magazian · 17/11/2019 10:16

On Friday we were going to register him but I couldn't as he was still in hospital.

I don't know how I'll put him on the bc as he's blocked me so I can't tell him when.

I'm going to speak to my parents.

OP posts:
Original poster
Magazian · 17/11/2019 10:16

And no he isn't violent or abusive

OP posts:
Original poster
Magazian · 17/11/2019 10:21

I can't cancel as he's blocked me. And if I cancel she'll probably say I'm stopping her from seeing him if she doesnt today she won't see him again until sometime in December as she's going on holiday.

OP posts:
Shallow07 · 17/11/2019 10:26

Don't worry about what his mum thinks, OP. Talk to your family and get yourself sorted legally. Whatever you do, don't put him on the birth certificate.

If she asks you why you didn't come round, you can always tell her that her DS wouldn't answer his phone as he was with this other girl, and therefore wasn't available to visit his newborn son in hospital.

Best of luck- don't start feeling sorry for him. You can do better!

Pardonwhat · 17/11/2019 11:16

Magazian

Just don’t go then!!!
And so what if she does say that? Grandparents have no visitation rights so it would mean nothing in court anyway.
Her going on holiday and her son creating this situation isn’t your concern.

Where is your backbone???

Original poster
Magazian · 17/11/2019 14:09

I'm not going to go. He's unblocked me and he's asking if we could meet up or something so we can talk.

OP posts:
JorisBonson · 17/11/2019 14:11

And you're going to go and meet him and we'll have a similar post in a couple of weeks and the whole merry go round will start again.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 17/11/2019 14:56

If you or your boyfriend were either of my DC but without the baby , I'd advice you (as a parent) to just call it quits and walk away ......but you aren't in that situation, either of you.

Go and meet him somewhere fairly public. In town, in a park.

You can both be parents without being romantically involved .

He has exhibited the behaviour of being a teenage boy - because he is a boy .

Your baby does not deserve having his Dad cut out of his life .

And BTW , I know you said the pregnancy was "unplanned" but did you ( meaning "you and him") compound the stupidity by having unprotected sex? Even just once ?

Pardonwhat · 17/11/2019 15:03

70isaLimitNotaTarget

What gives you the right to be so condescending about contraception??
Would you be that rude to someone older???
The baby IS here so your comment is just pointless and rude.

Also, you’re saying he ‘is just a boy’.
Well OP is just a girl then.
Why must she be the male apologist???

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 17/11/2019 15:39

The mum is 19 - legally an adult
The Dad is 17 - legally a child

Would I be as rude to someone older ?
Would someone older bleat on about their 17yo boyfriend helping someone who 'fancied him' switching off their phone and blocking ?
Then threatening to not put the name on the BC? Because yeah , it's ok to play with childs future like that Hmm

How many threads on here will chastice men for not making an effort with their DC. . Loads .

And yes , I'll be as judgey as I fucking like about contraception Than You .
It is available free It available widely . And it works , not 100% but nothng is . You double up to be sure male+ female .

There is no excuse to use nought if you aren't planning a baby .
If they had uprotected sex while not planning , two fertile people , then, it isn;t a surprise when a pregnancy occurs .

And its an open forum.
People can answer or not .

I have as much right to write things as the OP has to not answer .

Having a baby at any age is hard
At 19 is harder
At 19 and blocking the other parent ?

Just why ?

floraloctopus · 17/11/2019 15:44

Get rid of him, he's not worth your time.

KnobJockey · 17/11/2019 15:49

Yes you should put him on the birth certificate. But give the baby your surname, makes things a lot easier down the line as a single parent.

Original poster
Magazian · 17/11/2019 15:55

I didn't say I wasn't going to put him on the bc. I said I don't know how to as he blocked me and he'd have to go with me.

OP posts:
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