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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what would you do?

117 replies

Magazian · 15/11/2019 12:46

Yesterday I took my 3 week old to the gp as he had a slight cold, fever and was vomiting. They said it could just be a cold but to take him to be checked out at A&E so I did and they said it was probably a viral infection but they would keep him in to monitor him overnight.

So I tried to phone boyfriend (babies dad) and he didn't answer. But when I tried again his phone was off.

This morning he messaged asking why i kept calling him. I told him and he said he was busy helping his friend (who he knows fancies him and has tried to make a move on him multiple times) with an assignment.

Would you be suspicious about this? Or is it just hormones? And wwyd?

OP posts:
Original poster
Magazian · 15/11/2019 20:59

I just don't know what to do as he's asked for another chance. He said he was doing the assignment with his friend but when he got home he was tired so he turned his phone off and went to sleep. But I don't know if i should believe him.

OP posts:
JorisBonson · 15/11/2019 21:01

He's obviously lying.

You seem very young for 19. Speak to your parents.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 15/11/2019 21:13

@Magazian you don't trust him and he's a shit dad (don't start with the 'he's a good dad when he's here').

You have a 3 week old baby and are unable to contact him because he's with another woman you already don't trust him with.

Honestly what's he bringing to your life that you wouldn't also get without him giving you so much grief?

RealBecca · 15/11/2019 21:36

Hes obviously cjeatong.

Hes obviously too immature to be a proper dad.

You dont need a reason to split up with him beyond wanting to or thinking its right for you. You certainly dont need proof of anything.

You can dress it up as wanting to be together for your baby but you cant actually make him grow up and be a dad. Hes already not being a dad by not being there and available 24/7.

Waveysnail · 15/11/2019 21:45

Did you leave a message on his phone?

Original poster
Magazian · 15/11/2019 21:50

Yes I left a message on his phone. I don't know if i should give him another chance because he said he will be more helpful etc.

I still don't know if he cheated though

OP posts:
Gazelda · 15/11/2019 21:52

He's proved himself to be an unreliable father to,your child. He gives you cause to doubt his fidelity.

That's all you need to know. Dump him.

Original poster
Magazian · 15/11/2019 22:16

I think I'll dump him tomorrow

OP posts:
70isaLimitNotaTarget · 15/11/2019 23:43

So: (and I've skimmed over your other threads)

He's 17yo
At College
Working P/T and giving you money towards the baby
Comes over to you every other day
Comes over Sat/Sun
You've decided not to put his name on the birth certificate
You've decided he is obviously playing away because he was with someone who fancies him. Doesn't make it two ways .
You took your baby to hospital on advice from your GP for a check up (quite rightly) and the baby is ok , (thankfully) but you couldn't get hold of him.

There will be many , many occasions when you are looking after your son when he's ill or taking him to hospital (I have done many trips to A&E with my DC )
Are you working/ Mat Leave or college ?
What do you want from him exactly .

Or do you want him out of your life ?

Laserbird16 · 16/11/2019 00:12

You can give your baby's father a chance and not be in a relationship with him.

Dump him and he can earn your trust by diligently and reliably loving his son. Any fairweather behaviour or accusations you aren't making it easy enough for him to be a dad and there you go his chance is gone.

If he wants a relationship with you he can earn that too. He would not ignore you or let his mum try to bully you.

The most important relationship you will ever have is with yourself, by looking after you and minising the drama in your life you can be the best mum you can be to your son, other men can wait for now.

Howlovely · 16/11/2019 04:42

You say you've been together nearly two years; may I ask how old he was when you got together?

GiveHerHellFromUs · 16/11/2019 05:37

@Howlovely they got together when he was 15 (from OPs previous thread). They didn't sleep together until he was 16.

Not really relevant though when she's already told you his age.

Howlovely · 16/11/2019 08:31

@GiveHerHellFromUs - thank you for filling in the information. You don't know why I wanted to know that so have no idea where it's relevant or not.

Original poster
Magazian · 16/11/2019 09:46

He was going to be put on the birth certificate yesterday but I didn't get him registered as he was still in hospital. But not sure if I an going to put him on it now.

I was annoyed because
He didn't answer his phone and then turned it off. And I was suspicious because I know she fancies him and has tried to make moves on him and then he helped her.

OP posts:
NoSauce · 16/11/2019 09:51

He’s 17. He is not ready to be a father.
Don’t put him on the birth certificate. Look after your son and yourself. It will never work out with this lad.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 16/11/2019 10:18

For pity's sake !

He didn't answer his phone !
He was with someone who fancies him!
News-Flash , probably 20 people fancy him, he isn't going to sleep with them all is he ?

You'll take away his right to be on the certificate but you'll still take his money ?

17 is too young to be a father but he is one

I have a 17 yo DD and a 19yo DS .
My DD is far and above more mature mentally than her brother . No disrespect to my son, it's Biology .

So , I'm guessing you are actually way more mature your boyfriend .

JorisBonson · 16/11/2019 11:59

@Magazian You really need to stop focusing on this phone thing and look at the bigger picture.

Original poster
Magazian · 16/11/2019 21:56

I've split up with him he said he didn't care but he messaged me saying he is going to get full custody. And then he told me to not message him again because I was annoying him and then he blocked me.

OP posts:
Bellaxx8 · 16/11/2019 22:18

He’s 17... he’s still a kid himself. This was never going to end well.

Laserbird16 · 17/11/2019 00:40

What a douchebag! But there you go his chance is blown. I'm not too sure in what reality he is getting full custody of a newborn when he doesn't even care his son has been in hospital.

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. You deserve better. Focus on you and your son. Screw this guy!

JorisBonson · 17/11/2019 06:29

He doesn't actually know what he is talking about. For the third time, please speak to your parents.

mclover · 17/11/2019 07:48

Babies having babies

DarnTooting · 17/11/2019 07:50

Good for you. Make sure your son doesn't have his name.

Jokie · 17/11/2019 07:55

Talk to your parents and get yourself legally sorted. It's likely that he won't do anything but you need to be better safe than sorry.

He's being a child and expecting you to come back to him and beg for him to interact with your baby.

Original poster
Magazian · 17/11/2019 09:03

I will speak to my parents. But I'm not sure if to go to his mum's for lunch as she asked but I can't ask him because he's blocked me.

OP posts:
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