To think that assuming someone’s mother tongue when thanking them is really patronising?

[GrapefruitIsGross]

FIL does this and it drives me up the wall.

If he encounters a person who is from a minority and English isn’t their first language, he’ll say hello and thank you in what he guesses is their mother tongue.

So if a person appears to be Chinese, he’ll say xie xie for example. He does it to be kind and welcoming, but it makes my toes curl. What if they’re Korean? Or German? It feels really patronising to me- fair enough if you know the person, but assuming that a stranger speaks a particular language because of their appearance is just so off.

We’re Irish and he’d be most put out if a stranger assumed he was English, so I don’t understand why he does it to other people!

Also, I'd like to know how your FIL addresses second-generation white immigrants, like me. Pick a European langauge at random?

It’s the combination of accent + appearance which causes him to do it as opposed to “just” someone’s ethnicity. He wouldn’t do it to an Asian person who opened a conversation with a Limerick accent for example .

The Chinese one annoys me the most- there’s like 300 different languages/dialects in China, why risk offending someone so you can feel like a magnanimous man of the world?

The responses here doing a much better job of explaining why I find it so cringe.

I thanked someone in Polish earlier in the week and then immediately regretted it just in case she wasn't Polish (I knew she was but doubt myself terribly). Turns out she was Polish and she said it was nice to hear someone making an effort. I wouldn't do it again though because the awful dread that she may have been from elsewhere made me feel sick.

Many years ago I had a job in a local branch of bank - it was a customer facing role. A lot of customers used to say thank you in various languages, assuming I was Polish, Italian, Spanish, Dutch (I am none of these ) I would smile and tell them the country I was from and, if they asked, how to say thank you in my own language. I didn't feel offended or anything like that, but I think I liked it more when they had asked me where I was from, instead of trying to guess (I had someone even insisting I must have been from a certain country even when I told him I wasn't )

Englands expects!

every other bugger in the world to speak the Queens english!

Which a lot do, but arent we the Brits so very good at languages..Not!

I went out with a woman a couple of years back she hailed from the middle east, might be a bit outing this, but she spoke and could write too, fluenty 14 languages Arabic, Yiddish, Hewbrew, russian, german, english french, itiallan, spanish, turkish and a few others which I've forgotton.

I had a big respect for her:)

Pity it didnt work out:(