Non commital invitation responses. It’s rude right? AIBU

[Countryescape]

I feel like this is a very common occurrence in the age of texting, messaging, Snapchat etc.

I personally HATE it when you extend an invite and the recipients replies “we are currently free that day at the moment, but can I let you know the day before/closer to the time in case something comes up?”

Isnt that just code for “I am free but I don’t want to commit yet in case something better comes up.”

AIBU?? Who can be arsed with that?! They’re basically assuming you are happy to keep that day in your diary free with the distinct possibility they might cancel.

Let me know your thoughts!

I think it would be rude to respond to an invite by essentially saying you’re going to wait and see if you get a better offer. However I can imagine some situations where I’d secretly WANT to say this or just not really want to commit. For example if someone asked me in September what I was doing on New Year’s Eve, I wouldn’t want to make any firm arrangements at that point; I’d want to see how I felt much nearer the time. So perhaps sometimes it depends on the nature of the occasion, but your situation sounds different to this.

All of my friends must be rude and arrogant too then. “I’ll see what I’m up to in the day” is such a normal response from every one of my friendship group

It's rude and it's like saying you don't matter enough to make plans just if they've got nothing better to do!

@MonstranceClock but can't you see that what you're doing is messing your friends about? Those of us with DC have to arrange a babysitter. It's not so bad if you're part of a group going out as the activity will still go ahead without you. But if you're going out with just one friend then that's really messing them about if you cancel at the last minute, especially if arranging childcare is tricky.

Anyway, it's quite clear from this thread that the vast majority on here do think it rude, so quite clearly it's not just a case of us being over sensitive.

Very rude

I don’t cancel anything last minute. I say I “might” be free. It’s then up to them what they do with that info. When my friends tell me they “might” be free, I’ll see them only if nothing else comes up.

The reply to your invite OP sounds smug as can be. I'd be tempted to reply back that they can go fuck themselves - obviously if they're not too busy.

You just don't "get" it do you Monstrance?

You are in a minority of one here

TBH if anyone says "I might be free" I take it as a no, then I am not disappointed, and make other plans.

@MonstranceClock

You and your friends may have filtered out the people who find this rude as they may have written you guys off after getting this response too many times.

I don’t want to get it. I couldn’t ever imagine being that soft.

I know a few CFs like this and needless to say we aren't good friends. In my experience these people tend to be part of the mean girls group who think their time is soooo much more valuable than everyone else's. It's rude and I don't like it.

You say you never cancel at short notice, but the impression you give is that you would do that if a better offer came up. And a response of 'maybe' would be very irritating. Am I going to arrange a babysitter with the proviso that it might not happen? No, of course not, as that would be messing another person about.

Another problem with your attitude is that the friend organising the event (restaurant/dinner party) needs to know numbers. The only time it would be okay to be so vague would be if there was a group of us going out for a drink and then going on to a club. But even then, if you did it too many times, your friends would give up inviting you.

Then don’t arrange a babysitter it’s really not that difficult.
Real life example today. Was going to meet a friend for coffee, she text me just now saying she’s going to do something else instead, am I free this evening. Yes I am, no problems. No angst. Just adults with busy lives getting in with shit.

@MonstranceClock, many of us can't be as free and easy as you because we have time constraints and arrangements (like babysitters) that need to be made.

If monstrance and her friends are happy with that arrangement that's great!

Perhaps they are all the people that everyone else on the thread has cast off...

All of my friends must be rude and arrogant too then. “I’ll see what I’m up to in the day” is such a normal response from every one of my friendship group

If that's the standard response why do any of your friends ask in advance? You may as well just text each other on the day and ask if they fancy doing x, y or z today.

Oh yes,I hate this too. I think it's the height of rudeness,keeping your offer in reserve,just in case they get a better offer.

Free and easy as me? Ok

I hate this reply. It's beyond rude. The sender of the text can go fuck themselves.

In-laws have done it again. Husband invited them to our house (walkable distance) For Christmas dinner and just got a “we don’t know what we’re doing yet” response.
They did the same last year and only gave a definite answer when dh gave them a deadline as we needed to go food shopping. They came and were gone by 6pm.

The ‘I don’t know what I’m doing yet’ is such a cunty response, anyone using that line without any further qualifier/explanation immediately writes themselves off from future invitations in my book.

It’s the middle of November! Lots of people don’t know what they’re doing yet for Christmas! That’s hardly something to get offended by.

I just had to update. Latest is she's not coming at all, and instead someone else is bringing her kids!! Well at least I think thats what is happening because she hasn't actually told me that properly. As once again her text back is vague AF.

@garishearring I am totally with you on that! She has real nerve! I will not be making any effort from this day forward. What do they say "no good deed goes unpunished?" hahaha