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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think a man wouldn’t cheat on his pregnant wife?

106 replies

WorryWortWilma · 14/11/2019 22:51

I’m just a few weeks pregnant with our second child. I don’t know if it’s hormones and I have no definite evidence but my spidey senses are telling me that maybe DH is having an affair with his female friend. Surely a man wouldn’t have an affair when his wife is pregnant? This is a planned pregnancy. I want to hear honest answers please.

OP posts:
CrazyMeep · 15/11/2019 06:56

My ex did, with my best friend no less, whilst I was 7 months pregnant...

SallyWD · 15/11/2019 07:10

It's a prime time for men cheating I'm afraid. I hope you're wrong about your DH though.

Justasconfusedwithnumber2 · 15/11/2019 07:11

It wouldn't suprise me if men cheat more at this time. Stressed, anxious about changes, less attention, possible decline in sex with wife. None of it excusable of course....

SoupDragon · 15/11/2019 07:12

Mine did.

longwayoff · 15/11/2019 07:13

He's either a cheater or he's not. If he is, ditch him as he won't change.

theWarOnPeace · 15/11/2019 07:13

Whether or not it’s possible, which it certainly is, you need to address the issue of why you’re suspicious and what to do about it. Pregnancy won’t stop a cheater from cheating.

FWIW my husband and I have lots of friends of the opposite sex. Al above board, no OTT amounts of contact, no texting into the night and going all giddy. Plus, these are friends we’ve each had for years before we even met, so less suspicious altogether.

My own anecdote of pregnancy cheaters. I know of quite a few, but the ones that stick out:
Someone I knew years ago, found out about the OW when she was in the hospital giving birth, because the other one was giving birth at exactly the same time. Turns out that SHE was actually the OW, and the other woman was the wife of about 15 years!

Another one that sticks in my memory was an old friend who after giving birth, the baby had to have an operation and was really poorly. The husband said his boss had refused him time off for the operation. When the wife called his work to plead with the boss, she explained to the secretary the situation. The sec said something like “oh but I thought you’d only just gone into labour, he’s at the hospital now isn’t he?” The first baby was about a week old at this stage. Then she gets through to the boss who says the husband hadn’t asked for time off for an operation and also wasn’t she in labour right now? She says no, says her name, and he says oh aren’t you divorced? No. Anyway, turns out he was seeing a client that the company works with for years, had told everyone he was divorced and that OW seemingly was fine with him never staying over or living together and supposedly never suspected, despite him fully living with his wife the whole time and never disappearing off, that he may not actually be divorced. Obviously it all blew up and now he doesn’t bother seeing any of his kids or pay anything towards them. This is a man who cried with happiness on his wedding day, brought home flowers for his wife every Friday, bla bla bla.

Pinkblueberry · 15/11/2019 07:14

Surely a man wouldn’t have an affair when his wife is pregnant?

You want honest answers... this one of the most laughable things I’ve read in a while.

Valcat · 15/11/2019 07:15

Well idk about wife, but I've definitely slept with a man whose girlfriend was expecting. So yeah yabu

vampirethriller · 15/11/2019 07:17

My daughter's father left while I was pregnant for another woman.

loutypips · 15/11/2019 07:20

I think there is a certain sort of entitled man who doesn't like the fact their partners are now (understandably and rightly) focussed on themselves, their pregnancies and their newborns rather than them. Instead of appreciating all the physical issues the woman is going through to have the child and the sleepless nights etc in the early days, they are put out that it's no longer all about them and their needs.

This. I think that's why my ex cheated. He wasn't happy that I was pregnant and didn't attend any appointments with me. Even when I was rushed to hospital with a risk of losing the baby he didn't come. Me being a fool, married him soon after. I wish I hadn't.

MamaToTheBabyBears · 15/11/2019 07:26

My father cheated on my mother through the pregnancy (a baby he suggested having!!) and left her a few days after baby was born for an equally awful woman, she abandoned her family (husband & 3 children) for the affair. It does happen.

IdiotInDisguise · 15/11/2019 07:43

Oh god, don’t do this to yourself and your family. You say you have no proof or evidence of cheating but a hunch. Get that hunch properly checked because yes, it can be hormones, don’t ruin your relationship at this delicate time with stupid allegations, talk to your husband about this.

Some relationships end because someone cheated, some end because a partner cannot find any joy to live with an unreasonably jealous person. Don’t become the latter.

MinTheMinx · 15/11/2019 07:59

Men cheat whenever they feel like it, regardless of what else is going on in their lives. Their partners don't come into the equation sadly because it's all about the male ego.

Sorry OP. Fingers crossed you're mistaken.

Collision · 15/11/2019 08:02

I don’t think he is......I don’t know him or you or her but you literally have no reason to accuse him, so don’t. Until you have proof.

BuildBuildings · 15/11/2019 08:02

Sorry I know someone who did this. Doesn't mean it's happening to you. But being pregnant doesn't mean men don't cheat.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 15/11/2019 09:12

Oh my sweet summer child.

In my anecdotal experience, I'd say pregnancy is often the first time a man cheats.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 15/11/2019 09:16

@MamaToTheBabyBears
Me too, and he insisted on picking my name... He named me after OW 😒

Sadly the OW was smart enough to sling him out after a couple of months and he came slinking back to my mum.

To be repeated approx twice a year for the rest of my childhood 😤

TheFormidableMrsC · 15/11/2019 09:21

Mine did.

ProseccoIsTheAnswerHere · 15/11/2019 09:23

evenmorefurious I was named after an OW too. Wtf goes through men’s minds

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 15/11/2019 09:26

Surely a man wouldn’t have an affair when his wife is pregnant?

This is very, very naive. But just because some men absolutely do cheat on their pregnant wives, that doesn't mean yours is.

SausageSimon · 15/11/2019 09:27

I remember about 4 years ago on the tv there was a statistic for this and it was either slightly under or slightly over 50%

Honeybee85 · 15/11/2019 09:32

A decent men wouldn’t cheat on his pregnant wife.
But a decent man wouldn’t cheat anyway, regardless of pregnancy.

HiJenny35 · 15/11/2019 09:38

Men often cheat when the wife is pregnant. It's like they feel left out and want some extra attention. I wouldn't ignore the feeling. Nothing might have happened he might just be enjoying the attention.

Cheeseandwin5 · 15/11/2019 09:39

People are allowed to have friends and to dictate who they can and cant be will make you your DH and your relationship poorer. If he is the type to cheat he will, but there is nothing in your posts that makes me think he is. Dont let your paranoia get to you.
I would just tell him that you need more reassurance and time together.

ReeRi · 15/11/2019 09:44

I have a friend who had a baby in March this year. Her husband (Married four years but had been together for about 15) left her in February this year. She later found out he’d been having an affair since September. The baby was planned and I think he was pushing for it more than her. So it does happen but doesn’t mean it’s happening to you. I hope things work out for you OP