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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a man wouldn’t cheat on his pregnant wife?

106 replies

WorryWortWilma · 14/11/2019 22:51

I’m just a few weeks pregnant with our second child. I don’t know if it’s hormones and I have no definite evidence but my spidey senses are telling me that maybe DH is having an affair with his female friend. Surely a man wouldn’t have an affair when his wife is pregnant? This is a planned pregnancy. I want to hear honest answers please.

OP posts:
Emeraldshamrock · 15/11/2019 00:41

It definitely sounds like he has a crush even if it is not an affair.
Listen to your instincts.
I'd be seriously pissed off if DP thought it was acceptable.
Has he known her long?

PyongyangKipperbang · 15/11/2019 00:41

Mine did, despite only being at work or at home. Turned out he had a bigger holiday allowance than I knew about so was booking off afternoons to be with her.

It started a couple of weeks after I found I was PG and ended when I was 5 weeks post partum and found out.

I spent the next 5 years being cheated on and lied to. Get out now.

Emeraldshamrock · 15/11/2019 00:43

Oh I see a couple of years. It could be an intense friendship though he should be spending his time thinking about you and the baby.

BillHadersNewWife · 15/11/2019 00:47

My friend's husband was unfaithful to her when she was in the late stages of pregnancy AND for a year after the birth of their child.

And now, ten years later, he's been meeting up to have regular dinners and days out with a pregnant woman! He's not having an affair we don't think but he's having an emotional affair..with a pregnant, married woman!

Humans are weird.

sobeyondthehills · 15/11/2019 00:50

This has always happened, a great example is Henry 8th

But if you have doubts, talk to him and say, especially if you don't think its gone far, emotional affairs are very real and can cause massive amounts of damage

Bluerussian · 15/11/2019 00:52

Not at all uncommon for men to cheat when wives are pregnant, if they are inclined to cheat anyway the pregnancy would make no difference, abhorrent as it is. The Prince of Wales cheated with Camilla when his wife was pregnant with Harry! Before and after that too.

However, WorryWort, you don't know that your husband is cheating, you just have a feeling about it. You could be wrong and I hope you are. In your place I would ask him.

Flowers
Countryescape · 15/11/2019 02:39

Ahh yeah they would! My sister in laws ex husband did. He was off fucking the OW the same time she was in hospital after a c-section.

Purpleartichoke · 15/11/2019 02:47

Good friends husband did just that. Sometimes in the living room while she was stuck in bed on bed rest.

ShippingNews · 15/11/2019 03:11

My 2nd child was much planned and longed for. Yet within weeks of me getting pregnant, he started an affair which lasted until my son was 9 months old . The OW was a "friend of the family" and she even came to visit me in hospital when I had the baby. So yeah they both knew I was pregnant , but neither of them could care less .

Trust you spidey senses, OP.

PanchoBarnes · 15/11/2019 03:13

Well, I must say that this is the first time that I have ever actually (truly) "LOL"ed at a thread title itself.
Sorry.
But so many males are fuckwits; and it is often during a partner's pregnancy, when a male shows his true (shit-brown) colours.

(And I purposely said "males/male" rather than "men/man" - because fuckwits don't deserve to be called real "men".)

As other PPs have said, just read the threads here on MN.

In my younger years, (many moons ago) I dated a 'great guy' who turned out to be not only married, but his wife was pregnant. I stopped seeing him when I found out. I was totally crushed, for myself and his wife.
He's dead now, but his wife and daughter still think he was such a great family man. I do think he was actually good to his family otherwise, but I know he doesn't deserve all the praise he was given. (There are probably a few other young women (now old women) who know as well.)

Sorry again, but you did say you wanted honest answers.
Still, I do hope this is not the case for you.
Men are men, and fuckwits are fuckwits.
I hope you are married to a man.
FlowersFlowersFlowers

PanchoBarnes · 15/11/2019 03:22

＞> Amendment to post -- I actually didn't find out until after his daughter was born, and three months old!

Greenwingmemories · 15/11/2019 03:51

I think there is a certain sort of entitled man who doesn't like the fact their partners are now (understandably and rightly) focussed on themselves, their pregnancies and their newborns rather than them. Instead of appreciating all the physical issues the woman is going through to have the child and the sleepless nights etc in the early days, they are put out that it's no longer all about them and their needs.

That was the reason given by two men that I know cheated on their wives during pregnancy/newborn period: my wife was too focused on the pregnancy/newborn and not on meeeeee! Is your husband this kind of man OP, does he like your undivided attention and adoration? Or is he someone who doesn't mind pulling his weight in the relationship?

Babynamechangerr · 15/11/2019 03:55

Guess he may either be having an affair, an emotional affair or it is a crush / attraction (which may / may not be reciprocated).

Are you able to read some of these messages to find out more?

I'd be doing some digging and looking at his phone when he's in the shower etc.

RantyAnty · 15/11/2019 03:55

Of course some would. Some have cheated while their DW were in labor. I wouldn't be surprised if some have cheated at the gravesite of a loved one. For some, that 30 seconds is everything to them.

JourneyToThePlacentaOfTheEarth · 15/11/2019 03:57

My exh cheated while I was pregnant

Lostkeysinaraindrainurghh · 15/11/2019 05:15

This reply has been deleted

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Slapdasherie · 15/11/2019 05:37

My Ex visited prostitutes because I was pregnant and unable service his needs due to hyperemesis. And he tried to justify it as inherently more respectful to me that he paid for sex rather than have “an affair”.
I know 2 other men who were unfaithful while their wives were pregnant.
Maybe I’m bitter, but I actually think it’s quite common.

RLOU30 · 15/11/2019 05:42

I know someone that's cheated on both women he has got pregnant. He actually got the second pregnant while cheating on the first. Vom.

Wallywobbles · 15/11/2019 05:47

My exh did through both my pregnancies.

AmIThough · 15/11/2019 05:53

OP can you tell when he's lying?

If so just say "oh have you seen x lately? You got any plans to see her over Xmas?"

Or just be honest and tell him your hormones are all over the place and with all the changes your body's going through etc you're feeling sensitive and that you want some reassurances.

HoppingPavlova · 15/11/2019 06:26

Yes, indeed they do. I was going out with a married man with a pregnant wife. Didn’t know he was married at the time though or that she was pregnant/had a small child. Sounds odd I didn’t know but it was situational in a job with odd hours, long hours and frequent sleeping over at work so was not obvious to his wife or myself.

Minxmumma · 15/11/2019 06:36

Sadly some will, you are focussed on you and baby not their needs so they justify their behaviour. It sucks. Sorry op

MaybeitsMaybelline · 15/11/2019 06:37

Ask yourself why he has kept in touch, lots of contact with a woman he no longer works with? There is really no need unless they were coincidentally part of the same hobby club.

You work with someone, they leave, you don’t see them anymore.

BlingItOn · 15/11/2019 06:47

Don't wait around for this to unfold. Next time he mentioned, calls her etc. just tell him that you are really unhappy with this situation, there are 3 people in this marriage and he is causing you a lot of stress and anxiety during what should be a really happy time.

I have put up with a lot in my marriage but I wouldn't put up with another woman being intimate with my DH and by intimate I mean telling each other all their stuff, let alone sleeping together.

londonrach · 15/11/2019 06:49

Op...the most common time for affairs is when wife is pregnant.