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AIBU to ask if you would have had a child alone

130 replies

howsoontheyfly · 14/11/2019 18:06

Not for me - family member. Planning to have a baby with donor sperm.

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?


You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

Crystal87 · 14/11/2019 18:44

I did. First child was the result of a very short relationship. Second and third children came from an on/ off relationship where their father was never around much. Fourth child is my husband's. My life is less stressful and happier now I am no longer a single parent, but I'm glad I had my children when I did, rather than waiting. However I think it depends on the individuals. People cope differently.

Poppinjay · 14/11/2019 18:57

A friend of mine did this. Good job, decent income, mortgage paid off.

I often look at her and think "You go this so right!"

QueenBeex · 14/11/2019 18:57

Yes I would.

Hahaha88 · 14/11/2019 18:59

Am I the only one who doesn't know which vote is supposed to mean yes I would do it alone

Missillusioned · 14/11/2019 19:00

No. But I wasn't keen on having children anyway. I had them because my ex wanted children.

HappyHedgehog247 · 14/11/2019 19:00


toasterstrudle · 14/11/2019 19:05

I would have. I always knew I wanted children and was really upfront with this when dating. I met dh at 26 and we had our first at 29. But if I hadn't I probably would have gone it alone by 32.

StarlingsInSummer · 14/11/2019 19:07

Christ no. If I could have another, I’d prefer it to be in a three parent family (if such a thing were possible!). Looking after DS is two bodies’ work, can’t imagine chucking another child into the mix.

Mummyshark2018 · 14/11/2019 19:15

Yes I would but only if I was financially stable and had a good support network around me.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 14/11/2019 19:18

If I could financially support a child alone and had plenty of good family and friends around me willing to support and help out, then yes. If not, then no.

MisfitNinja · 14/11/2019 19:30

I was brought up in a home where my parents were married before I was born and still married now. I thought that was how it was supposed to be.

BUT I spent too many years married to an abusive husband because I thought I'd be a failure if I left. And that I would be letting my daughter down.

I finally left when she was 2 and it was the best decision I ever made. It wasn't easy, it still has rough days, but we're both happier and my dd, who is 6 now, is a pretty awesome little person who hasn't suffered at all for being brought up by a single mum!

x2boys · 14/11/2019 19:31

If it was the only way I could have child may be ,but it wouldn't be my first choice my youngest son has severe autism and learning disabilities and whilst he's lovely and I love him to bits it's hard work with two of us ,hats off o anyone whose on their own with a disabled child.

caravanette · 14/11/2019 19:34


Lobsterquadrille2 · 14/11/2019 19:35

Yes, because my ex left when I was pregnant and DD is now 22. Zero support from anyone - but I was very fortunate to have good career prospects so didn't need his money. Without that, and no maintenance, it would have been much tougher.

ezbem · 14/11/2019 19:36

Yep, definitely.

VerbenaGirl · 14/11/2019 19:38

I would have, although glad I didn’t have to.

Merename · 14/11/2019 19:39

I would have done this, as I was so keen to have kids, but now that I’ve actually had kids and know how hard it is, I’d never advise someone else to do it.

PerfectPeony2 · 14/11/2019 19:41

Only if I was late 30’s and had no other option.

I always knew I wanted children so settled down early. Being a single parent would be fucking hard and I’m not sure my mental health would cope in that scenario.

Contraceptionismyfriend · 14/11/2019 19:42

No. I don't believe it's fair on the child.

Tickytick · 14/11/2019 19:46

I don’t know.
If I was guaranteed to have the children I have now then yes without a hesitation.
Otherwise I don’t know.

WelcomeToShootingStars · 14/11/2019 19:47

No I wouldn't. I'd never have had children outside of marriage.

PepePig · 14/11/2019 19:51

No. I really benefitted from DP's support, especially as I had a traumatic birth & PND. If I'd been a lone parent and had that to deal with, too, I'd most certainly had a mental breakdown.

orangeteal · 14/11/2019 19:52

Yep, always would have been my plan B. I'd have been naive and would have rude awakening no doubt, but I'd absolutely would have done.

SimonJT · 14/11/2019 19:54

It’s something I’ve unintentionally done (but then becoming a parent was very unintentional!), I personally like that I don’t have to answer to another parent. I can just do my think, bumble along and there’s no one else there to interfere.

user1480880826 · 14/11/2019 19:54

No way. Far too much work for one person. And expense.

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