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Friends gift to dd

95 replies

Vendividivichi · 14/11/2019 14:46

My dds has a friend who's 16 birthday is tomorrow
They don't go around with each other at school, but mainly go to the gym together.
But they have been friends from primary school

Yesterday me and my dd went to the jewelers as dd wanted to buy the df a pair of pandora earrings they were £27

I said to dd that's quite a lot of money to spend as dd doesn't have much pocket money. But dd insisted and said that df had bought her an expensive ring for dds last birthday (df works for family business and gets lots of pocket money)

So I said ok your money your choice and she bought the earrings

I've just found the ring dds - df bought her.
It's sterling silver (925) with 9 zirconia / glass (no sparkle at all) stones. One of which has already fallen out!

A quick eBay search shows prices at about £3 delivered.
My dd was obviously under the impression that it was more valuable than it actually was hence wanting to buy a proper pandora

I don't think I should say anything to dd and just let it go because it was a gift and my dd likes her ring and it's all about the thought.

But at the same time I'm a bit 🤔

OP posts:
Ariadnepersephonecloud · 14/11/2019 14:50

I don't think you should say anything either tbh. My daughter also likes to spend all of her pocket money on her friends, and though I find it annoying, I try to remember how much joy my daughter gets out of it too. I'm sure when she's older she'll stop because I was much the same as a child and now I like my money the way it is, mine 😁

Thestrangestthing · 14/11/2019 14:54

I would tell her and suggest that she takes the Earings back. I am very much a give to receive person. I know that makes me sound horrible but I don't care anymore.

Antigon · 14/11/2019 15:10

I would tell DD only because this unequal exchange may continue.

DryHeaving · 14/11/2019 15:16

Thestragestthing I don't think you can return earrings

jay55 · 14/11/2019 15:17

Can you return earrings?

If not I'd suggest your daughter kept them for herself and gave something cheaper.

shearwater · 14/11/2019 15:52

I'd just say "The ring probably wasn't as expensive as it looks" and leave it at that. If your DD likes the ring, whether it was £3 or £20 is pretty immaterial. Suggest a limit of what she should spend on her friends in future. DD1 usually spends £10-£15.

alreadyinchristmasmood · 14/11/2019 18:02

I'd tell her, to be fair.

OnTheFenceWithMostViews · 14/11/2019 18:05

I have a teen sibling. She loves to shower her friends in nice gifts for occasions.
One of her friends makes things for dsis.
It doesn't bother her.
She's been known to recieve items that she knows have been previously gifted.
But she still likes to treat her friends.

Leeds2 · 14/11/2019 18:09

I'd tell DD, and give her the opportunity to choose a less expensive gift. The friend would probably be mortified to be bought something so much more expensive than the gift she had bought DD.

Proseccoinamug · 14/11/2019 18:10

I wouldn’t tell her. She might be upset and feel like she matters less to her friend. Just support her to do what she wants to do and tell her how lovely, kind and generous she is.

Villanellebelle · 14/11/2019 18:13

£27 is not a huge amount of money. Leave her to it.

Spitsandspots · 14/11/2019 18:37

Don’t tell her!
If she likes the ring, you telling her that it’s cheap tat would ruin it for her, and could make her feel as if she isn’t valued by her friend. Surely it’s the thought of the item rather than the value -or does it have to be like for like spent in order for it to be an equal friendship?

Thestrangestthing · 14/11/2019 18:44

DryHeaving I think you are right. Oh well tell her to keep them for herself.

Hahaha88 · 14/11/2019 18:47

Are you all really that materialistic? £3 or £30 isn't it the thought that counts? If ops DD wants to buy her friend a gift that cost £27 that's her choice. Equally if she spent £2.70 as long as she put thought she care into what she chose isn't that what matters

Nanny0gg · 14/11/2019 18:58

You can't return earrings, so no point unless she'll keep them for herself

churchandstate · 14/11/2019 19:00

I can’t believe anyone would try to put a dent in the friendship between two teenagers by pointing out that a gift was cheaper than one of them thought to save (her) £20. Petty, mean people. Confused If she wants to spend a bit more on her friend’s gift, let her. It’s not hundreds of pounds and she’s not 5.

peardrops1 · 14/11/2019 19:02

Don't tell her! It's defs not worth it. And she might feel embarrassed to have it pointed out.

StoatofDisarray · 14/11/2019 19:06

Don't tell her! Even though the ring doesn't cost much maybe she likes it. Why would you interfere in this way? Don't you like her friend much?

BadFatty · 14/11/2019 19:06

I'd tell her. She bought the earrings based on how much she thought the DF had spent. Let her make up her own mind.

Spied · 14/11/2019 19:07

I'd not say anything. DD likes her ring and that's that.
You will also look ridiculous telling her you searched online for an approximate price and it will make it look like all you care about is cost and comparisons.
If your DD wants to give the earrings don't spoil it for her.
I personally enjoy choosing and giving gifts much more than receiving.
If anything df may feel a bit stingy and up her budget for your DD next yearGrin

MinTheMinx · 14/11/2019 19:15

My DD is also very (too?) generous with her gift giving but as it's her money I let her get on with it. She's always happy with the gifts she receives and I don't think it occurs to her to think how much has been spent. I'd much rather this than have her grow up into an adult who googles the monetary value of every present she receives. I find that a bit... urgh.

Please don't tell your DD you've done this OP. She obviously likes the ring (and the friend who gave it to her) and this kind of interference just isn't appropriate.

Yarboosucks · 14/11/2019 19:16

You know all those threads about problem MILs? Ever wondered how their interfering careers began? Tread carefully because the intervention that you are considering is not nice.

If you are really concerned, slip your DS a tenner as a reward for being a nice person / friend.

MinTheMinx · 14/11/2019 19:16

*How much has been spent on her I mean.

Sagradafamiliar · 14/11/2019 19:16

Pandora is also silver and cubic zirconia, if that makes any difference.

Raphael34 · 14/11/2019 19:19

Is she’s only chosen something so expensive as she thinks that’s what was spent on her then you should definitely tell her. Help her by finding a cheaper gift that’s still good quality (2nd hand immaculate pandora pieces on eBay)

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