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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask my DD for a contribution to her car repair?

101 replies

wanteddeadoralive18 · 14/11/2019 08:35

DD (17) is doing her A levels and works 10 hours a week.( I am Single parent and work full time if that's relevent)
For her last bday, i paid for driving lessons and a car for her. DD saved to insure the car.
Car has just had some work done on it and we received a £200 bill for the work. As its coming towards Christmas, I have asked her for £100 towards the car bill and I will pay the rest - I am also having 2 new tyres on my car so already am paying out for that. When I asked her she was upset and complained that it will be 2 weeks wages - AIBU to have asked for the contribution as she has made me feel harsh??

OP posts:
Akire · 14/11/2019 08:38

You bought her the car as gift and she saved for insurance. I think going half on bill is good idea, it is now her car after all. You sound as if if you had plenty of money you wouldn’t mind paying yourself. Cars are expensive would she rather you left it unrepaired and you saved up for it?

EleanorShellstrop100 · 14/11/2019 08:39

Of course it’s not unreasonable! A lot of parents wouldn’t 1) buy the car in the first place 2) pay for driving lessons 3) contribute anything towards repairs. I’d tell her if she’s going to be ungrateful she can pay for the whole lot. I presume she spends her wages on fun stuff like most teenagers which is fine but it’s not going to kill her to have to pay for something sensible for once.

AnotherEmma · 14/11/2019 08:40

YABU, she is doing A-levels so she can't work more hours than she is already doing. She is already paying for the insurance herself. You should have factored in maintenance costs when you bought her the car.

TeenPlusTwenties · 14/11/2019 08:41

Well, what was the deal when you bought a car for her? What did you agree about who would pay for petrol, for MOT, for other garage bills?

In your circumstances it doesn't seem too harsh, but I can see why your DD might be upset if her paying half for maintenance hadn't been discussed upfront.

Berthatydfil · 14/11/2019 08:42

Oh dear well if you can’t afford to run your car we will just have to sell it won’t we?

My dd bought a car at 18 from savings and money she earned as a school cleaner 2 hours a day after school while doing a levels she pay for all the petrol and taxes and insures it herself.
She’s now a student and works 12 hours a week at a well known diy chain on not much more than min wage.
If she had a very large bill I’m sure I would help her with it but that’s it.
Your dd is being vvv unreasonable.

PrincessPain · 14/11/2019 08:44

Most 17 year olds don't have cars and lessons paid for.
Cars are expensive, if she wants one she has to contribute towards it.

Original poster
wanteddeadoralive18 · 14/11/2019 08:44

@AnotherEmma DD saved up and paid the insurance all in one go so its already paid for. DD doesn't go out much as she doesn't like to spend money and would rather see it in her bank account! :-)

OP posts:
HoppingPavlova · 14/11/2019 08:44

At 17yo you can make agreements such as this is her Xmas present. It’s not like she is 8yo and needs an actual present on the day. At this age they realise how life works and if they don’t then you need to make this known.

AnotherEmma · 14/11/2019 08:45

It's not a great present is it.
Here's a car, but you have to pay for insurance, road tax, maintenance and petrol, while also studying for your A-levels.
A car is a financial commitment and if you're buying one as a gift you need to discuss who is going to pay for what before you do.
If DD knew she would have to pay all the costs she could have declined or budgeted for it.

AnotherEmma · 14/11/2019 08:46

I am possibly being harsh here, I'm grumpy because of morning commute traffic Blush

Original poster
wanteddeadoralive18 · 14/11/2019 08:46

@Teenplustwenties I told DD that my end was finished after paying for the car and lessons although I do give her bits for petrol here and there.

OP posts:
bridgetreilly · 14/11/2019 08:47

I've been in the situation where I've been given gifts (including a car one time) that I couldn't really afford to maintain, and so the gift actually becomes more of a burden. But here it sounds as though your daughter could afford it, she just doesn't want to spend the money. I think she needs to pay up. It is her car and she needs to learn that it comes with ongoing costs. Going halves seems completely fair to me.

Hahaha88 · 14/11/2019 08:47

If it's her car, absolutely not bu. If it's your car that she drives at times, yabu imo

Fakeflowersaremynewnormal · 14/11/2019 08:47

Not U at all you are generous to give her so much, but if it helps her maybe she could pay you back slowly at say £10 a week leaving her with some spending money each week. Only do something like that if she would stick to it though.

DisplayPurposesOnly · 14/11/2019 08:48

Like anyone, she needs to plan her money but you've landed her with an unexpected bill (by not having the conversation in advance about who pays for what).

It's reasonable to ask for a contribution, but in the circumstances maybe offer easy payment terms, say over four or six weeks.

Hahaha88 · 14/11/2019 08:48

Ignore me, I missed that your bought her the car, my bad. So no yanbu

Lweji · 14/11/2019 08:50

Considering her response, I'd sell the car.

Or pay now but let her arrange for repairs, etc next time.
She's lucky you arranged to fix it and are prepared to pay half, FGS.

Snowflake9 · 14/11/2019 08:51

She's upset about 2 weeks wages going on 50% of a car bill? Welcome to the REAL world. I think it's lovely you are laying for half of the bill.

It's the cost of running a car, if she wants a car it needs to be maintained. If she wants to walk and have 2 weeks wages in her bank so be it.

She's just sulking and I am sure she will get over it. She is learning a valuable lesson don't feel bad.

HoppingPavlova · 14/11/2019 08:51

This is why I haven’t ‘given’ mine cars. Have had spares floating around for community use (not specific to one child) so avoids the problem. However, once they got to that age Xmas was really community presents as well and car repairs would have factored into that. Also stuff like $$ they are expected to put towards clothes, undies etc not on leisure stuff.

TeenPlusTwenties · 14/11/2019 08:52

If you told her upfront that running costs were her responsibility then YANBU. It is a lesson for her - she wants the freedom of a car, she pays for its maintenance.

purpleboy · 14/11/2019 08:53

Why would it be assumed you would pay for the maintenance of the car? That's a pretty entitled attitude. I'm buying dd her first car, paying for lessons and first year insurance, it wouldn't occur to me be expected to pay for the upkeep of it also, although I will be paying for her petrol as she will be driving herself to 6th form which I currently do.

ControversialFerret · 14/11/2019 09:00

Ask her who she thinks should pay for the repair costs for her car. And if she says you, ask her to explain why she thinks that's fair.

Curtainly · 14/11/2019 09:07

I think she is extremely fortunate that you paid for all of her lessons, it's a useful skill even if you don't get a car straight away. As you bought a car as well, it's more than reasonable she pays towards the repairs. If she felt she didn't want to spend her money on the upkeep then she could have said when you mentioned buying one. If she didn't have the money but needed the car that's one thing, but if she has the money and just doesn't want to that's another. It's good she is keen to save, but on the other hand if she wants to be able to drive around then some of her money should go on that.

HairyDogsOfThigh · 14/11/2019 09:08

Did you have a conversation about who would pay for the work on the car that's resulted in the £200 bill before it was done?
I would be pretty cross if someone had arranged something (albeit a necessary repair) and then expected me to pay for it.
Surely the time to have the conversation is before the work is done, then your dd can decide how she wants to spend her money.
She 17, she gets to decide and if that means she doesn't fix her car, so be it.

Karenisbaren · 14/11/2019 09:11

I personally think you are being over generous, she needs to stand on her own two feet and learn how much a car costs, maybe up her hours at work?

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