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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask my DD for a contribution to her car repair?

101 replies

wanteddeadoralive18 · 14/11/2019 08:35

DD (17) is doing her A levels and works 10 hours a week.( I am Single parent and work full time if that's relevent)
For her last bday, i paid for driving lessons and a car for her. DD saved to insure the car.
Car has just had some work done on it and we received a £200 bill for the work. As its coming towards Christmas, I have asked her for £100 towards the car bill and I will pay the rest - I am also having 2 new tyres on my car so already am paying out for that. When I asked her she was upset and complained that it will be 2 weeks wages - AIBU to have asked for the contribution as she has made me feel harsh??

OP posts:
StrongTea · 14/11/2019 09:55

Glad it is sorted out. Just a thought and maybe been mentioned, is she running friends around? If so, she should point out how expensive running a car is and maybe they could contribute to petrol, buy coffee etc.

Branster · 14/11/2019 09:57

For those criticising DD for begrudging spending her own money:
It’s quite a normal reaction in her circumstances. Sometimes I don’t feel like paying for x, y and z and I have similar reaction in my head. She’s probably also saving for next years insurance and that’s not easy. She sounds like a nice and sensible girl and it’s good you came to an arrangement.

Newmumatlast · 14/11/2019 10:02

I bought my own car just before I turned 17 for driving and paid for my own insurance and test. I paid for all fuel and all repairs. My parents weren't well off but I did have both at home so more than one income. It taught me the realities of life - I was able to be much more independent than some friends and have never been in debt bar mortgage and student loan (the latter now paid off). I could only work a small number of hours a week as I was doing A levels and also competing in sports but I still managed it. I did extra hours when I could and saved as much as I could in holidays. I also had a second job for holidays and events too. When I finished my A levels I worked 3 jobs and saved during a gap year. Personally I think just because someone buys you a car it doesn't mean they're responsible for everything. If she continued to drive it into her 30s would you still be obliged to pay, for example? I personally think she is lucky that you are paying half.

AnotherEmma · 14/11/2019 10:03

I agree with Bumfuzzled.

HairyDogsOfThigh · 14/11/2019 10:12

What bumfuzzled said.

Justwondering605 · 14/11/2019 10:14

Agree with @Bumfuzzled and some of what @AnotherEmma said earlier. What is the repair for? Sounds like it's because it's an old car? In which case I think YABU. There were obviously going to be more repair costs on an older car, which YOU chose for her. She didn't get a say really. She probably can't earn more unless she quits education and works more hours. People are so dramatic here, none of the people who suggested it would just up and sell their car Hmm

FOJeremy · 14/11/2019 10:15

If she can’t afford to run it then she can’t afford the car

Passthecherrycoke · 14/11/2019 10:16

But she didn’t buy the car 😭 her mum did. How could a 17 year old know how much it might cost?

JPharm · 14/11/2019 10:23

I don’t think you are being unreasonable at all, she’s old enough to own and drive a car at her leisure then she needs to realise this comes with certain responsibilities. I’m guessing her car is her only expenditure?

Perhaps take the hit on this one but going forward make it absolutely clear that maintenance costs are her responsibility and if she doesn’t want to pay she can sell the car or it can stay on the drive until she wants to.

clutchingon · 14/11/2019 10:36

I'm struggling to understand why you would buy a 17 year old a car when on a low wage yourself. We are reasonably affluent but I won't be buying any cars!! Massive unnecessary expense for a 17 year old.

Passthecherrycoke · 14/11/2019 10:38

Honestly me too clutching. We are on a good wage but our second car is a cheap run around and it costs hundreds every year in repairs. Let alone standard things like MOT, new tyres etc

clutchingon · 14/11/2019 10:38

Sorry you haven't said you are on a low wage but I have assumed that money is right as you have made reference to being a single parent and I thought that wouldn't be relevant to mention if you were flush. I wasn't implyIng all single parents are low paid.

Saltycinnamon · 14/11/2019 10:39

2 weeks wages is nothing!! She sounds v ungrateful- but that’s what probably happens when you get given lessons & a car for your birthday.

Curtainly · 14/11/2019 10:40

@Passthecherrycoke but her daughter could have said thank you for the lessons, they will be great for the future but I don't want to spend my money on upkeep of a car. Why does it have to be all or nothing? Either everything on a plate or nought.

TryingToBeBold · 14/11/2019 10:42

YANBU! I'd moved out of home at this point and had to pay my bills, car repair and fuel, insurance, work part time and do my A Levels. I'm sure she can go a whole 2 weeks wages without. And that's only if her bank balance is zero.
Welcome to adult life Grin

Passthecherrycoke · 14/11/2019 10:45

@tryingtobebold clearly you weren’t a) earning £50 a week and b) saving 2 weeks wages for car Repairs if you covered all your bills.

Curtainly I think, as others have said, it’s a bit much to expect that maturity and insight from a 17year old

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 14/11/2019 10:48

I think she should pay all of it; part of owning a car is maintaining it. She's very lucky that you bought it for her in the first place.

TryingToBeBold · 14/11/2019 10:48

You're right. I was working a lot more.
Hence it's an option for the OPs DD to do a few more hours to pay for the bill.
It's maybe too much to expect it yes, does not mean it's not unachievable

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 14/11/2019 10:49

PS: Especially if she has plenty of money in the bank.

andyoldlabour · 14/11/2019 10:49

I was working at 16, my first mode of transport was my legs, then a bicycle bought with my own money, a motorbike bought with my own money, driving lessons paid for with my money and then a car - bought with my own money.
Lots of other people were doing that as well, because that is what people did in the "old days".

00100001 · 14/11/2019 10:52

so, when does DD have to start paying her own way.

does she ever have to pay for the contract on that phone she got as a christmas gift 4 years ago? Does mum have to pay indefinitely?

Passthecherrycoke · 14/11/2019 10:53

She’s not going to have “plenty” of money in the bank, it might seem like a lot to her, but she only makes a few hundred a month.

I worked all hours around a levels too. It was a stupid idea, I wasn’t appropriately remunerated for giving up so much of my education (and childhood) and I wish someone had stopped me Sad

shearwater · 14/11/2019 10:58

YABU, I think it's too much to ask for. Even half that is still a lot of money when you only work PT and are a FT student.

At 18 when doing a-levels I was just insured on my parents' car and allowed to borrow it to go to work and back (no public transport and I would get home around midnight from the pub). They paid for everything, it was their car. You have chosen to get her a car which is lovely, but if it came with conditions such as her paying for routine repairs you should have made that clear at the start. If she had driven poorly and crashed it, and the necessity for the repairs was her fault, that would be different, but you chose the car and one that quickly needed repairs after purchase. It isn't her fault and she shouldn't have to pay.

Beautiful3 · 14/11/2019 11:02

I think what you have done is fair. Its not like she has any other Bill's to pay is it?

Mishfit0819 · 14/11/2019 11:11

YANBU - this is a good life lesson for her and will be better for her in the long run to get this lesson now rather than later in life.

You've been very generous by buying her lessons and the car. If she can't afford it in one go, you could offer a payment plan including a reduced Xmas budget to make up for it?