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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask my DD for a contribution to her car repair?

101 replies

wanteddeadoralive18 · 14/11/2019 08:35

DD (17) is doing her A levels and works 10 hours a week.( I am Single parent and work full time if that's relevent)
For her last bday, i paid for driving lessons and a car for her. DD saved to insure the car.
Car has just had some work done on it and we received a £200 bill for the work. As its coming towards Christmas, I have asked her for £100 towards the car bill and I will pay the rest - I am also having 2 new tyres on my car so already am paying out for that. When I asked her she was upset and complained that it will be 2 weeks wages - AIBU to have asked for the contribution as she has made me feel harsh??

OP posts:
Waveysnail · 14/11/2019 09:13

She should be paying for her own tyres and repairs. If she cant afford it then she shouldnt be running a car

jellybeanteaparty · 14/11/2019 09:16

Perhaps a conversation about Christmas presents expectations if you shell out for the repairs i.e you will not be able to afford much - would she offer to fund the Christmas food shop?

Passthecherrycoke · 14/11/2019 09:17

This is really difficult because she clearly can’t afford to run a car- what did you expect to happen when you bought it in terms of repairs and maintenance?

WhatchaMaCalllit · 14/11/2019 09:20

If she hasn't enough money to pay to fund the running of a car, she can't have a car.
She has to pay to keep the car in good working order so this is her wakeup call.

amusedbush · 14/11/2019 09:20

The car is hers and she has a job - she should be saving every month for emergencies like this. She is lucky you have offered half the bill, in my view.

CrazyCatLady159 · 14/11/2019 09:21

I was in exactly this position when I passed my driving test.

My parents bought the car etc
Any repairs that needed doing were for me to pay - it was my car.
In my first month of driving I put a hole in the exhaust ... needed a new one. They loaned me the money and I paid them back over 4 weeks.
I was working 12 hours a week in a shop.

Her car, her repairs to pay for.
You've already been generous buying the car to begin with

IWantADifferentName · 14/11/2019 09:23

YANBU

Based on what you have said, she can afford to run the car but (understandably) would prefer to keep the cash in her bank account. However, life is full of surprise bills and she needs to learn that. Paying half is a generous gesture from you.

I think you need to have a conversation regarding responsibility for one’s own possessions, tell her that if she cannot afford to run the car (insurance, maintenance, repairs, petrol etc) then you understand if she needs to sell it.

Hopefully, if she has that option she can make an informed decision as to whether she wants to keep a car or not.

(I assume car ownership is something she really wanted as it is/was an expensive present for you to buy for her. I assume it is not something you have forced upon her).

GrumpyHoonMain · 14/11/2019 09:23

Don’t pay for the repairs. It’s up to her to sort out otherwise the car stays on the drive

Passthecherrycoke · 14/11/2019 09:24

She works 10 hours a week. She probably takes home £50 a week. It’s nothing like enough to run a car. What about when the next bill is £700?

OP bought it for her, I don’t know why posters are admonishing the daughter. It was obvious she couldn’t afford to run it, yet OP still chose to buy it. She should be prepared to pay for repairs for at least until the daughter has finished a levels

DriftingLeaves · 14/11/2019 09:25

She should pay the whole bill.

Clangus00 · 14/11/2019 09:26

She should pay the whole bill. It’s her car. She’s old enough to drive it, she’s old enough to pay for it.
I bought & paid for everything on all my cars. I had to wait until I was 18 to afford it.

TheMidasTouch · 14/11/2019 09:33

"I told DD that my end was finished after paying for the car and lessons although I do give her bits for petrol here and there."
Say what you mean and mean what you say. If your end is finished then don't give her money for petrol either. I think she should pay 100% of the car repair bill. It is her responsibility now.

cstaff · 14/11/2019 09:33

If she didn't want to take on the responsibility of a car then she shouldn't have accepted it as a present. I think you have been exceptionally generous OP especially offering to pay half of the repairs. From here on though if she cant afford to get it repaired then just let it sit in the drive until she decides that she cant live without it. Her car, her responsibility.

TheMidasTouch · 14/11/2019 09:37

@Passthecherrycoke

"She works 10 hours a week. She probably takes home £50 a week. It’s nothing like enough to run a car. What about when the next bill is £700?"
She will have to save up for longer in order to pay her bill, same as everybody else. Either that or sell her car if she can't afford the running costs.

starfishmummy · 14/11/2019 09:41

Its her car so her bill. Looks like she hasnt budgeted for repairs or things like MOT and services . Maybe she needs to sell and get a bicycle.

MaybeitsMaybelline · 14/11/2019 09:42

Absolutely not unreasonable. She is incredibly fortunate to have a car at that age, and needs to understand running a car costs money.

My DD was upset the first time her car needs worked which cost £400, I did point out she had had the car four years so £100 a year for maintenance was pretty good going. It wasn’t as though she could afford it either. DS is equally peed off at the moment because his first house has had a roof leak and he will have to pay for that.

Shock horror! I think they just don’t like paying for things where there is no obvious gain. A new dress sure, maintenance? No way!

Original poster
wanteddeadoralive18 · 14/11/2019 09:42

Just to update you all, DD has text to day that she wants to pay for the car but she has only had a small wage this week and she has presents and stuff to buy. I have said I am happy for her to pay me weekly so all sorted. Thank you for all your replies - I don't feel so harsh now! My mum did the same for me and I worked all hours in 3 different jobs to pay my running costs etc but I wasnt as dedicated to my education as DD is :-)

OP posts:
Original poster
wanteddeadoralive18 · 14/11/2019 09:43

*to say

OP posts:
00100001 · 14/11/2019 09:43

@AnotherEmma "YABU, she is doing A-levels so she can't work more hours than she is already doing. She is already paying for the insurance herself. You should have factored in maintenance costs when you bought her the car."

I was doing A-levels at 16/17/18 and working Saturdays at Tesco.... it would never occur to me to have asked my parents to pay for my car repairs.

BarbaraofSeville · 14/11/2019 09:45

The OP is being more than generous in offering to pay half the bill.

Presumably the DD wanted a car, it wasn't forced upon her? If she doesn't want the convenience and luxury of a car, then she could always sell it and use public transport/cycle/taxis/walk etc.

The DD is being unreasonable in wanting to keep her own money in savings and the OP be stuck paying for the DDs car repairs.

Kko1986 · 14/11/2019 09:45

I'm sorry I have to chuckle, my parents brought me a car for my 17th and I was at college and working part time 3 days a week.
I would never have expected my parents to pay for the insurance, petrol or maintenance.

I think you have done enough your offer of halves is very generous

Bumfuzzled · 14/11/2019 09:47

When you bought her the car did you truthfully tell her how expensive cars are to run and maintain? Me at 17 would have had no clue about car costs. If I’d be given a car but told I need to factor in £x per year for running and maintenance I possibly would have turned down the car. Even now I baulk at how expensive cars are to run.

I think YABU to buy her a car and expect her to run and maintain it whilst only working 10 hours a week. I don’t think you thought this through or explained the possible future expense to her.

You need to sit her down and explain the future potential costs. Work out if it’s feasible her paying for them or if she would prefer to sell the car and take the bus (like most other 17 year olds).

NettleTea · 14/11/2019 09:47

my DD's father (my ex) is paying for driving lessons for my DD. He offered to buy her a small car and I told him no, because she hasnt passed her test and hasnt got the money to pay to run it - neither have I, so that although I appreciated the offer it really wasnt an appropriate time for her to have it.

I believe he is going to now get a second car and put her on the insurance for it. That is not an issue as he is taking responsibility for all payments, but she cant be lumbered with costs without having the ability to pay for them. I pointed out that there was no point having a car if youve used all your money insuring it but cant afford to go out anywhere.

MesmorisedByTheLights · 14/11/2019 09:47

She can choose:
pay half
or sell the car and keep the money.

You have been incredibly generous with the lessons and car.

Parky04 · 14/11/2019 09:53

It's pretty simple in that she cannot afford to run a car. You shouldn't have bought her one in the first place. She will have to sell it.

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