To think that it's normal for parents of young kids to hardly ever have sex

[Sillysausageandeggs]

I was just talking to an old friend and we got onto the subject of our sex lives. We're both in our 40s and both been married more than 15 years. She has 2 older kids, but my youngest is only 5. Didn't go into too many details in the conversation, but she was saying that it seemed strange that my partner and I don't have sex very often. Made me feel like my relationship is doomed! Am I missing something here? AIBU to think that she's the strange one?!

at the person having sex between night feeds. I couldn't think of anything worse

Hubby likes it because of the old cum roll over and fall asleep thingy.

Some utter crap and lies being spouted on here I have no doubt

I've been considering why some people find it hard to believe that someone (not me btw) has sex every day (or really often) with young kids. I reckon it is because they're envisioning every session to be with the build up, foreplay, the main event(s) and pillow talk when in fact it might be a quickie over the dining table. Men last about 5 minutes or something on average during PIV so if a few of those days are taken up with quickies, it is perfectly doable.

Personally, that's what is shifting for us. More of our sex and general intimacy can take place over a longer time frame. With 3 kids aged 4, 3 and 1, we are almost getting to a place where we have fewer quickies than long sessions. And we are less restricted to intimate activities where the kids can walk in on us and it wouldn't be a big deal, like massage.

This thread is bizarre.Lots if sex here clearly! some posters thinking than loads of sex with an 11 week old is normal. Another poster thinking 3-10 times a week is the norm?
I don't think so.

Our twins are 6, 1 is disabled and we still manage to have sex 4 or 5 times a week. It's important to us so we make it a priority. If it doesn't bother you and you're happy, don't worry about it. Who is to say what's normal and what isn't?

Why would you have less sex when you have a 5 year old? 5 month old, sure, 5 year old.....what's the excuse?

5 year old.....what's the excuse?
They don't all sleep through?
They don't all sleep in their own room?

@SleepingStandingUp and? We didn't wait till the kids were sleeping through to have sex, and you don't have to have sex in your bedroom, though why anyone would allow a 5 year old to sleep in with them every night is beyond me.

@SleepingStandingUp and not sleeping through by 5 isn't exactly normal is it, huge sympathies but I think it's fair to assume most children are sleeping by then and thus sex life resumed unless other issues.

This thread is hilarious. I would say if you are both working full time, in your 40s and have a 5 year old then it is great if you are having sex 3 times a week or more. In fact it is impressive!

I am in a very similar position to the OP and tbh when we both go to bed we are exhausted after working very long hours and trying to juggle life commitments. Sex may cross my mind but usually that’s where it stays -sleep trumps it.

Why people have to compare sex lives is beyond me. Surely if what you are doing suits you then crack on. If not, speak to your partner not your best mate or strangers on the internet.

I can't stop laughing at this thread

Pre kids we were happy with once/twice a week due to busy jobs and shifts. Now it's more like once a month. Shifts and co sleeping with young kids (2 & 4) doesn't help. I've never had sex 7-10 times in a week even in the early lustful days.

@orangeteal I'm not saying it's normal to have a poor sleeper, I'm saying it happens. And whilst if I waited til he slept through 100% we'd never have sex, there are weeks when his sleep is worse, when I don't want to have sex at a random point in the night when he's quiet and before he wakes up, or at a stupid time at night once he's down again or whilst he's playing aline in another room. And whilst we dont co sleep, there are people on here who have clearly said they do.

This thread is hilarious.

DH and i do it 15 times a week whilst swinging from the light shade.

A very self selecting thread. All the people who have sex as often as newly weds are out in force, whereas I suspect all the people like me, who've not had sex in months are lurking but not posting.

Agree about the 11 week old, I've got a baby a similar age and we're joined at the hip, he is wherever I am, so he would be in the room, which is a serious mood killer.

I think there’s a massive range of what’s normal when it comes to sex.

We manage about once a week and have a 20 month old DD. What gets in our way most tbh is that one or other of us frequently has some sort of cough/cold/sniffle that DDs brought home from nursery. Probably get through more lemsip than condoms

The fact is I have never enjoyed quickies much . I am old now and had several partners in.my life. 3 of them I lived with for a long time. I have been with DH for almost 20 years. In almost none of that time, (including shorter relationships) have I enjoyed having lot of quick sex. Even in the days when I could orgasm quickly. Quick sex just didn't do it.for.me.

Especially since having DS, I get even less out of it , as after that my orgasms became less intense and harder to achieve.

What I like takes longer, and is more noisy so my preference is to have sex 2-4 times a month but for it to take a while . I too find daily quick sex a bit tedious , though not exactly unpleasant. . This has been a constant for.me.through my life , regardless of partner . I also must have enough sleep or it tips me into depression very easily so sex all night is definitely not an option very often any more , though we do occasionally!

What I take from this thread is a fascination for how varied people are.

Chilledbee - is that all men who last 5mins during piv? Cos it sure aint my experience

No it isn't all men, but 5 mins is about average.

My God, I step away from Mumsnet for 24 hours and the thread goes wild.

Ok so it's clear that some of you are shagging constantly - quickies on dining room tables, 10 times a week, in between night feeds. Sounds great. Not sure I'd want to be having a quickie when my eldest likes to randomly get up and go into the kitchen for a drink... But maybe we should be thinking about heading into the garage instead. Maybe we should try it on the washing machine.

The "excuse" I have is that my house is not conducive to getting excited! There's always a kid or a dog needing me and when I get to bed I just want to SLEEP. I don't get home from work until 6pm, then it's dinner, homework, stories, chores, making lunches, etc etc etc.... Forget shagging, we both just want to read a book for 10 mins then sleep.

Admittedly DH has a pretty low sex drive so it's not like I'm pushing him away. It's usually me who has to initiate.

Anyway I'm glad to see there is a whole range of normal here. Not something I'd be likely to bring up on the next local mums night out! 😂