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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is totally ok and I am not a lax parent

171 replies

Northernsoulgirl45 · 13/11/2019 21:05

Have 3 dd 15 12 and 6
Very occasionally I leave them with the 15 year old in charge. Never more than an hour or two and not at night.
Another mum of a small child btw has made me feel like a bad mum for giving dd1 this responsibility.
So who is unreasonable?

OP posts:
Amber2019 · 14/11/2019 00:12

My parents were 15 when I was born.....
So yeah, it's perfectly fine.

Grandmi · 14/11/2019 00:15

My daughter used to regularly mind her two younger brothers when she was 15 ....they all survived!!

Elbowedout · 14/11/2019 03:00

Depends very much on the children. My eldest was perfectly capable of looking after younger siblings at that age. My next one down is a complete dreamer and probably wouldn't notice if the house was burning down. You know your children. But providing your eldest is mature enough to manage and you've made sure she knows who to call if there is a problem etc then I don't see anything wrong. You are popping out for an hour, not taking a fortnight's holiday in the Caribbean for heaven's sake! I think it is good for children to contribute something to the running of the family as they grow up. When my DD first left hone she was sharing a student house with 5 other girls most of whom were totally incapable of looking after themselves as they had never been expected to do even basic chores at home. I think it is a very positive thing for children to help out with age appropriate tasks.

Mammyloveswine · 14/11/2019 04:38

@LH1987 OMG I loved the babysitters club books! Wanted to be Frankie Grin

Op I'm a teacher and wouldn't bat an eyelid if you mentioned this!

Honestly people get so hysterical and catastrophise, glad to see a sensible thread!

Mummyoflittledragon · 14/11/2019 05:11

Maybe she’s jealous. If that is the case, she’s failing to understand you had many years with the 15 yo and 12 yo before you were able to leave them home alone for a few hours.

MeganTheVegan · 14/11/2019 05:17

Depends on the child. DS1 at 14 was babysitting his siblings. However, DS2, who is now 14, needs a babysitter if his own.

Strugglingtodomybest · 14/11/2019 05:23

Absolutely fine imo.

CatShapedCushion · 14/11/2019 05:47

I was the 1of a few neighbourhood kids who regularly babysat the under10's in the street..i was also responsible for my younger sister throughout our teen years as parents expected me to do dinner etc..i think its completely normal&id do the same. Obv if kids have extra needs/disabilities things arent as easy..you know YOUR kids-to hell with what anyone else thinks!

malificent7 · 14/11/2019 05:52

Yanbu...the new normal involves a whole tonne of cotton wool and paranoia.

CatteStreet · 14/11/2019 05:52

I occasionally leave my 4yo with my 14yo for up to 10-15 min while I pop down the road. This is a very recent thing and I wouldn't feel comfortable with doing it for any longer or on a regular basis, but that seems OK to me and as such a 15yo and a 6yo for an hour or so is fine (as long as the 15yo is clear on their responsibility and what to do or not do).

mynameisnotmichaelcaine · 14/11/2019 05:55

Absolutely, completely fine. I have DD(15) and 2 DSs (13 and 6). I leave them all in DD's charge regularly, in fact she is babysitting tonight. In return she gets Spotify, and if she does a bedtime for DS2 she gets a few quid, as he still requires quite a bit of input. She doesn't have a job, so it's her way of making a bit of money, and she is extremely sensible, and both boys really love her, although ds1 would probably not admit that in public.

I leave DS2 in charge if I have to just pop out to get DD after a rehearsal, or to go to the shop across the road, but only if DS2 is watching telly or asleep, as the boys don't get along so well, and DS1 gets in a flap easily.

I think some people don't understand how mature some 15 year olds are. My dd is better at parenting than some of my adult acquaintances 😂

Nillynally · 14/11/2019 06:08

Totally fine in theory however be careful with how often. My mum expected me to look after my younger brothers at this age during the school holidays which led to me having little social life and losing friends. I really resented her for it, especially when her friends would pay me good money to babysit their children in the evenings and she gave me nothing.

KnifeAngel · 14/11/2019 06:32

I don't agree with older siblings looking after younger ones. They are your children and you are putting the responsibility onto your daughter.

Countryescape · 14/11/2019 06:41

That’s legal in the eyes of the law. What exactly is the problem?

Lweji · 14/11/2019 06:50

Of course it's fine. It's also basically a team of the 15 and the 12 yo, I bet. Unless the 6 yo is very difficult.
I'm sure the occasional babysitting doesn't impact their social life. And I bet they'd rather all stay home than being dragged to the shops/doctor, having an actual babysitter.

The parent is likely to be able to return the babysitting "favour" by caring for the grandchildren at times too. I wouldn't pay them, unless it was a regular chore.

Linguaphile · 14/11/2019 06:55

That is totally fine. I was babysitting at that age.

honeylulu · 14/11/2019 07:08

Fine, you know your own kids and how mature they are, and the dynamic between them.

My 14 year old looks after our 5 year old occasional evenings (she goes to bed after an hour so it's quite easy) and sometimes picks her up from after school club, keeps an eye if I pop to the shop etc..

I do pay him (though not if I'm just popping out for 20 mins) and I always check with him that he's happy to do it. I think it's fair. My parents used to just tell me I was babysitting for my younger sibling, no pay and I really resented that! Like a pp it meant I often missed out on things with my friends so parents could have a nice social life.

Clare45BST · 14/11/2019 07:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Straycatstrut · 14/11/2019 07:17

I babysat at 14. No issue as long as they're responsible know what to do in case of accident etc - took my role very seriously Grin

MegaClutterSlut · 14/11/2019 07:21

My DD 13 babysits her 6 year old cousin for 2-3 hours in the evening. She knows not to open the door and is mature enough to know what to do in an emergency. I trust her to babysit more then ds 17 Grin

FreshStart01 · 14/11/2019 08:05

You know what's best for your family and what your children are capable if. I was much more 'lax' with many things than others because I knew my kids could cope. I think the 'rule' is that the older two need to know what to do in an emergency and you trust them to be able to carry that out.

sturdywiththewordyshakespear · 14/11/2019 17:25

When my nephew was 14 - just a few years' ago - he printed one of those little business cards saying NAME, Babysitting, Phone and at the bottom 'no child too small'. He did a roaring trade. Nobody seemed to think that was a problem. So, in my book, YANBU. It is totally ok and you are no laxer than most of the parents I know. X

coldlighthappier · 14/11/2019 17:28

I used to look after my little siblings all the time and I enjoyed doing it so it wasn’t even like it was being put upon me. I was 14 and they were 9 and 2!

Frazzledstar1 · 14/11/2019 17:36

Sounds fine to me, I used to pick my brother up from school at about 14 and walk him home and watch him until mum got home from work an hour or 2 later. Was no problem

bigmumsymcgraw · 14/11/2019 17:39

Personally I wouldnt dream of doing that but everyones different