My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

AIBU?

To be fed up?

81 replies

Magazian · 13/11/2019 10:56

I've been reading this site since I was pregnant but I've just signed up.

Me and boyfriend are young parents. I'm 19 and he's just turned 17. We have been together for nearly 2 years.

I gave birth nearly 3 weeks ago. Boyfriend kept my pregnancy a secret from his family until I was 5 months.

He is helpful and visits me and son every other day. Yesterday he told me that his mum has told him that I have to go to hers for Christmas so other family members can see son (they live abroad).

I'm fed up with her as she's also been saying that I forced boyfriend into being a dad. And she's told him that he should get full custody of son because im unfit to be a mum.

What should I do? 😞

OP posts:
bloodywhitecat · 13/11/2019 11:04

Do you want to go? In your shoes I don't think I would want to so I would be saying "Thanks but no thanks" especially in view of the fact she thinks you're an unfit mother.

LochJessMonster · 13/11/2019 11:05

Where do you want to go for Christmas?

I assume with your family? If so, you spend Christmas with your family and Boxing Day with his.

Do you live close by? Could you spend Christmas day at your family, but take the baby along for a couple of hours to meet his family?

He won't get full custody, and I'm sure you aren't an unfit mum, I guess she is just upset that her son is such a young father and going to miss out on his childhood. But she shouldn't be blaming you.

ChaosisntapitChaosisaladder19 · 13/11/2019 11:06

Woah if this was man posting about a relationship he had with a kid who started at 15 when they were 18 their would be hell on. What do you expect op hes still a kid when you got together.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 13/11/2019 11:08

What should I do?

Do what YOU want to do.

She sounds pretty judgemental but her son is still technically a child, even though he's also the father of your child.

Why is she saying you're unfit to be a Mum?

Aderyn19 · 13/11/2019 11:13

Both OP and her boyfriend were teenagers when this relationship started. There is only 2 years between them - it's not like OP was 19 and he was 14! So there's no need to imply she's some kind of abuser.

I get why his mum isn't impressed - she's just found out her son is a dad at 17 and she's understandably stressed and worried. That said, it's no more your fault than his. Maybe she ought to have discussed contraception with him. You don't have to go anywhere you don't want to. His mum is not the boss of you.
But this relationship is on shaky ground - he really is too young to be a proper partner, he's still thinking and behaving like a kid, because he is a kid.

ChaosisntapitChaosisaladder19 · 13/11/2019 11:16

OP was classed as an adult her partner was 15 he was underage. If the sexes were reversed people would be saying an older partner took advantage especially with a pregnancy in the mix. Age difference matters at that age especially when it comes to maturity levels. The fact is her partner is still a child himself I'm not surprised the mother isnt thrilled.

Aderyn19 · 13/11/2019 11:21

She was 17 and he was 15. Even at 18, there's legal adult and actual adult.
I wouldn't be at all happy if I was the mother of either of them but I don't think I'd be thinking of the boy as an adult if their ages were reversed.
Anyway, it's done now, the baby exists and they've all got to get on with it.
The boyfriends mum is a lot older than 19 and shouldn't be encouraging her son to go for full custody unless there's a really good reason the OP hasn't told us about. She's not helping this situation and will alienate the OP and therefore her grandchild.

bridgetreilly · 13/11/2019 11:22

I would make a plan to visit your boyfriend's family on a day near Christmas - Boxing Day, maybe. But you and your baby are entitled to spend Christmas with your own family if that's what you want to do.

Joerev · 13/11/2019 11:25

Do we have the 3 yr rule here? I lived in the states and some of the states have a law where if one is under 3 years of age from the other. So if one is 16 and 1 is 19. They don’t get in trouble?

Magazian · 13/11/2019 11:27

I was 17 when we got together. We didn't have sex until he was ready and he was 16.

I think she is annoyed because he lied to her a lot but I didn't make him. Because he didn't tell her i was pregnant until I was 5 months and then he lied and said he broke up with me because she told him to.

I don't know why she said I'm an unfit mother. I don't know where I want to go but I'll probably go to see my family.

OP posts:
NerdyCurvyInkedandPervy · 13/11/2019 11:30

Ffs, take those judgey pants off! There's every chance that they waited until the boyfriend was 16 to have sex so there was no laws broken - we just don't know. Anyway, thats by the by, they are both parents now.

OP - What do YOU want to do at Christmas? I think a good compromise is a day with each family. But that's entirely up to you. You don't have to be anywhere you feel uncomfortable.

NerdyCurvyInkedandPervy · 13/11/2019 11:31

Sorry, cross posted with OP there.

Aderyn19 · 13/11/2019 11:32

The rule here is that 16 is the age of consent but in practical terms it would be virtually unheard of for someone aged 17 or 18 to be prosecuted for having sex with their 15 year old gf or bf unless there was coercion.
Weirdly in this country a 35 year old can have a 16 year old gf or bf and that is perfectly legal. That to me is a bigger issue than two teens having sex, especially when they are only two years apart.

LolaDabestest · 13/11/2019 11:35

Mmm you are a 19 year old woman he is a child sorry I'd think the same. I'd also wonder why a woman would be with a 15 year old boy my son is that age and I know how kids act. You do know it was illegal? Sorry I just don't get it

Drum2018 · 13/11/2019 11:37

His mother does not get to dictate what you do in any aspect of your life. So don't worry yourself thinking you have to go anywhere near her or their family - ever. If you have family you want to visit then that's where you should go.

Drum2018 · 13/11/2019 11:42

@LolaDabestest there is nothing illegal about having sex with a 16 year old. You make it sound like op is 30 preying on a young boy. Cop on and stop making out this is something sordid. There's only 2 years between them and they didn't have sex until he was 16.

OldEvilOwl · 13/11/2019 11:42

Don't go, she sounds awful

Passthecherrycoke · 13/11/2019 11:45

Tbh I would hate you too if I were the grandmother.
Don’t go, she can’t make you. Just tell your boyfriend you’re not going.

Magazian · 13/11/2019 11:45

I was 17 when we were together I was in year 12 and he was year 10 but I was at a different school as our secondary school doesn't have a sixth form. We went to the same secondary school when until I had to go to sixth form and we were friends.

OP posts:
Thatagain · 13/11/2019 11:46

Sorry op you are not going to like what I have to say. My son is 18 and a dad and older then your bf I am very disappointed with his gf as I know it was not his choice. They were together since they were 14 there is about 4 months age difference between them she stopped takeing the pill and got pregnant. My DS had good gcse went to collage and was on his way to uni untill his gf got pregnant then he gave it all in. I would be the same as your bf mother I would not want my son around you and I would do all I can to protect my DS and that is what she is doing. As in fact of the law you have abused him. regardless! and if I was in her situation I would report you I also know nothing would be done about it so you have made your bed as you got pregnant by a 15yo boy so you and only you can deal with the damage you have caused. I genuinely feel sorry for your dc and more for your bf. I also hope you end it with him so he can get on with his life with education ect.

Aderyn19 · 13/11/2019 11:50

She didn't get pregnant by a 15 year old boy. Rtft.

Magazian · 13/11/2019 11:53

He was 16 when I was pregnant but just turned 17 when I gave birth. He's in college now.

OP posts:
ChaosisntapitChaosisaladder19 · 13/11/2019 11:58

Of course you waited until he was 16. I would think you took advantage of a younger impressionable lad. Hes still a kid himself.

littlehappyhippo · 13/11/2019 11:58

@Magazian

What country are we talking about here???

And have your boyfriend's family always lived there? (And is he from there?)

Or are they originally from the UK, and moved recently?

I am assuming you're in the UK yes? Smile

littlehappyhippo · 13/11/2019 11:58

@Magazian

What country are we talking about here???

And have your boyfriend's family always lived there? (And is he from there?)

Or are they originally from the UK, and moved recently?

I am assuming you're in the UK yes? Smile

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.