I am having a clutter-free Christmas AIBU?

[lilypoppet]

I have just thrown out loaďs of stuff in my house and l don't want the clutter coming back via Christmas so l have told my 3 daughters (ages 25, 19 & 13) they can have one gift and no stocking or any other gifts. They are fine with this. However, youngest DD wants a phone that costs £200. How much do you spend per child each Christmas and AIBU thinking this is too much money?

Two separate issues.

1. Cutting clutter at Christmas is a great idea. We try to do similar by buying tickets, days out or similar rather than "stuff".

1. Budget - everyone is different and what's too much will differ radically.

It's difficult balancing 'being fair' when your children are such different ages and with such different needs. Your youngest has no way of earning her own money, so relies on you and Christmas & birthdays to get things she wouldn't get normally, which is why she has asked for the phone - which although being expensive feels like an essential.

I wouldn't want to spend £200 on a phone for a 13 year old based on our own experience. Our ds is 14, and he is on his 3rd phone in less than 2 years. 2 of them were hand me downs from dh and me, both in good working order, intact screen, etc, when he got them. Based on their survival rates, we were not prepared to buy him a brand new phone when they had both died, as it wasn't likely to do any better. Instead we got him a second hand one on eBay - for far far less than £200. We got it for him as a present but we still got him to help look and research model and prices.

We still do stockings - though our dc are similar ages to yours. Contents are more functional than they used to be when they were little: chocolate, stationery, socks, spare cables, paperback book. But having things in a stocking makes them more fun.

You sound a right humbug.

I feel very sorry for your 13 year old, one present only! Because you don’t like mess!

There is a world between a house full of clutter and one present, balance?

No stocking?

Personally I would buy one big present and a stocking.

So are we all saying having lots of cheaper presents that a kid may not even want is better than one present the kid actually wants? And is mean?

I haven't seen anyone saying that . I have seen people suggesting that a main present and a stocking that the child wants is better than just a present that the child wants.

I will probably relent on the stockings, and.buy three small ones.lol. l love Christmas! I'd like to buy tickets for a pantomime this year as we live opposite a theatre. I feel experiences would be nicer than stuff that hangs aroind the house for all of.next year until l give it to charity. I have a three bedroom house, but it soon fls up with three daughters and a.baby coming.

I suggested a secret Santa arrangement for my family this year- each of us buying for one other person, with a slightly bigger budget than usual.

The youngest (19) didn't want to, because he is in a better position to shop than ever before, and 'thinking up what to buy is good fun'. Oh to be young again!

My family does.a.secret santa, whichsorts out those gifts. So l only have to buy one. We have a family gathering to hand them out. Its great.

I think we'll do that next year. I suspect DS2 is feeling flush this year. Or possibly just heady from the number of shops where he works.

Our boys were the only children on DHs side of the family for a long long time. So they would get a lot of generous gifts from their aunts and uncles. When they hit teens, we gave them money to buy for that side of the family, to even things up a bit.

What a misery!

Bellybutton85 l am trying to instil more joy with memorable experiences. I love Christmas

It’s a bit harsh on the youngest when the others have had enough years with the stockings. Just don’t put plastic crap and tat in it.

Re phone depends how much you want to spend on each

I haven't seen anyone saying that confused. I have seen people suggesting that a main present and a stocking that the child wants is better than just a present that the child wants.

Except the OP has said if she buys the £200 phone that will be about all she can afford.

If I buy youngest DC the gift he wants that is already over budget there will be no money left for a stocking. So the choices are one gift that he wants, or a bunch of shit he doesn’t because it’s apparently cruel not to give a stocking.

Where is the money suppose to come from for a main present and a stocking?

Some of you live in fantasy land.

In your position i'd get the phone for the youngest if poss, a stocking for all three, and spend much less (maybe £50) on the oldest two, as they are adults now.

If I could stretch to the panto then I would.

(If your eldest is still going to be living at home when the baby comes, I'd try to let go of the futile desire to declutter)

I cant believe people are saying its "mean" to buy a 13 yr old a hundred quid phone as its only 1 present. Seems excessive to me but I suppose it depends how much cash you have. Also she's already dropped one phone down the toilet according to OP.

*200 hundred quid phone

I probably wouldn’t get the phone as you sound a bit stretched. Take the pressure off with something else she’d still enjoy.

So do a stocking but also spend about the same on each dd.

My parents did this from about age 13 - one very sensible present for Christmas (a phone, a laptop, a camera etc). They never bothered with stockings, and we didn't even have a tree until I was 15. This was all because my DM hated cluttering the house up. Christmas was (and still is, in their house) utterly joyless.

I don't like clutter either, but I personally would get the 13 year old a little something go with the phone. Some nail varnish, a book, some cosy socks.

Christmas is not the time to be arse-aching over "clutter". A few slightly frivolous but much-appreciated presents do not constitute clutter, that's normal belongings and normal social behaviour towards younger family members.

Having a tidy and tasteful home at all times does not make you a better, more effective or interesting person, no matter what that irritating Kondo woman and her acolytes say.

The OP clearly said one present, no stocking or other gifts and she thought the phone was too expensive. I think this is quite different to oh, but they get gifts from their aunties.

This sounds so miserable. Maybe your 25 year old daughter is on board but your youngest just getting one present? How is new stationary / some sweets / cosy pair of socks clutter?

Where is the money suppose to come from for a main present and a stocking?

Stockings dont have to be expensive. You can make a stocking for less than a £5 if you want. It doesnt have to be exhaustive, just a few little items so they feel like they have more than just one thing to open on Christmas day.

My daughters usually costs between £5 - £10. She gets an orange in the toe, chocolate coins, novelty socks, her favourite shower gel, a bath bomb, cheap jewellery and a couple of little lip balms/nail polishes. I pick up jewellery at Claire's online or New Look for a few quid and the rest can be bought cheaply in pound shops/B&M/supermarkets/Home Bargains etc