I am having a clutter-free Christmas AIBU?

[lilypoppet]

I have just thrown out loaďs of stuff in my house and l don't want the clutter coming back via Christmas so l have told my 3 daughters (ages 25, 19 & 13) they can have one gift and no stocking or any other gifts. They are fine with this. However, youngest DD wants a phone that costs £200. How much do you spend per child each Christmas and AIBU thinking this is too much money?

Not fair on the 13 year old imo, she is still a child, the others have had many more christmases over the years

Your aibu isn't clear.

Yanbu to not want clutter. But plenty of gifts are not clutter.

Yanbu to not buy a £200 phone if you can't afford it, but why can't she have it if money isn't an issue?

The whole point of the declutttering / Marie Kondo movement is sparking joy.

How are you sparking joy by taking away a major part of Christmas (opening pressies together, playing with, sharing, saying thank you) ???

Seems incredibly uptight to me and totally unfair on the 13yr old who might get more from her pals than you.

I agree with PPs, unfair on your 13 year old. I bet your others got more than one present at that age.

It sounds a bit mean for a teenager. DD is 12 and has tons of things so her list is very short but there are still gifts she will get and either us or replace items which are just not good anymore.

It feels like you are dictating the life of your DD. If the older ones moved out already I think one gift is reasonable or even when they still live at home they may already earn money so the situation is very different.

Money wise I think it depends what you can afford. DD had gifts of £££ one year and less costly ones the next. For us it all depends on the circumstances.

In the past few weeks ive been decluttering and sorting out DCs toys. Very useful to focus my mind for Christmas.

Im still buying them several presents but will focus on things they will really use and play with. The stockings will mainly have chocolate but as Im quite stingy with chocolate during the year this will be a real treat. Im avoiding buying stuff for stuffs sake.

Do your elder DDs still live at home?

Oh and is 200 pounds too much for Christmas? Depends entirely on your budget.

So are we all saying having lots of cheaper presents that a kid may not even want is better than one present the kid actually wants? And is mean?

If my youngest gets the switch, it will be his only present. It’s already over budget. Should I just get him a bunch of stuff he couldn’t care less about instead just because it’s mean to give one present, even if that’s what he wants?

I honestly don’t understand this thread.

Thanks for your advise. 13 year old is desperate for phone after breaking ine and then dropping the replacement down the toilet. I am still paying for it in a contract that ends in May. She found this £200 one on the internet, but ok, she can have it and she's fine with one gift if that's what she wants. 25 year old is pregnant and has asked for gifts for the baby instead of for het. They get lots of little presents from their grandmother and aunt so there will be stuff to open. I may relent and do surprise stockings filled with chocolate and things they can eat. Also we are going in a trip to London to see Christmas lights, buy a couple of tree decorations in the John Lewis Christmas shop and visit the juge JD sports shop, so Christmas won't be joyless.

Whether £200 is unreasonable very much depends on your budget, but otherwise I agree with you. I've always given my children one proper present, as my own parents did for me. When they were small (primary) they also got a 'fun' present from Santa and there is always treat food and chocolate around at Christmas plus alcohol. I can't see the need to buy lots of things, especially for adults.

I'd also hate to be on the receiving end and any toiletries, candles etc that come here go straight to the charity shop.

Ah, your 13 yo is still a kid and will remember her older sisters getting more than one present in other years.

If the compromise is one very expensive gift, you can't blame her for trying! Just get it insured, because a £200 phone isn't easily replaced if it's stolen or damaged.

If they were all 20 ish, I'd think your plan was fine BTW.

One present is fine, if it's what they really want and will stretch the budget to the max. However, the OP hasn't said she can't afford it, just that it seems too much.

I think if you can afford it, and won't be buying anything else, I think you would be unreasonable to not buy it just because you think it's too much for a single gift.

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Loving the 13 year olds work on this!

I think it depends on the wider context. Will they be getting gifts from a raft of friends, godparents, grandparebts, aunts, uncles, cousins etc? I've had family christmases where the amount of stuff was obscene. So yanbu if they will receive gifts from elsewhere. If you are going to have 3 presents full stop I think that's a bit sad. And i would also say that if they genuinely wouldnt benefit from some new socks, a pair of gloves, some pyjamas, or whatever, that perhaps they get rather spoilt the rest if the year? Next year wait to replace until Christmas? It's the only time my husband gets new underwear or socks

I’d feel hurt if I was the youngest, knowing that my two siblings had multiple Xmas presents up until they were adults but mine stopped at 13.

I can just about afford the £200 phone but can't afford to spend that on all of them. Eldest lives with me (l don't charge her anything so she can save) and middle dd is at uni. I don't know what she would like for Christmas.

I think one expensive gift is nice. Put things that can be consumed like nice chocolate, skincare, hair stuff, underwear in the stockings?

If your youngest is careful with her belongings then I would get her the phone if the budget will stretch.

If she is careless with dropping/losing things then it's a no. I probably had to buy my teenager 8 phones during his teen-20 years. After the first two I quickly wised up it wasn't worth buying him anything expensive. It was all about the refurbs.

Very strongly disagree with buying any sort of skincare/bath products etc as a gift. They will simply sit in the cupboard for a few years until they dry up and get thrown out.

For most people with sensitive skin, these perfumed products are going to do more harm than good. I would far rather someone sent me a voucher for Lush than a gift box. That way I can choose the products which I know I get on with!

i think you should ge the 13 year old the phone- presumably the 25 and 19 yo DD's have had years of glorious Christmases and are now pretty much grown up but it feels quite hard on your youngest DD.

i agree with PP that all gifts are not clutter. couldn't you ease into it?
Seems rather harsh and joyless to me-but I love Christmas!

I'm cutting back on presents this year, but am going stocking for my adult children and partners. The stockings have socks, pants, body lotion, chocolates, mini booze, Christmas mug Christmas wine glass, I enjoy given the stockings and they enjoy receiving them,

She’s only 13. I can’t imagine my 13 dd being too impressed with just one present! My dd has a phone, but it’s on a contract (had a good price) so would not mean a £200 outlay.
I do not spend a fortune, but I will buy something she wants plus a couple of other bits. It may make the house look untidy, but would rather she had good memories of Christmas. Tat can be gone by Feb!

I think the phone is reasonable and I would supplement it with consumables to open up, eg chocolate, nice shower gel etc plus new socks and underwear that she might need etc

13 is still a child- treat her as one! My 14 year old will still be getting lots of stocking fillers- make-up, pyjamas, toiletries, cheapish jewellery etc.

I think one gift for adult children is fair enough. I do think one gift for a 13 year old is a bit scrooge-like, especially when she goes back to school and hears her friends talk about all the presents they got. Can you not get her some other non-tat things? Like some new clothes or trainers or something to go with her main present?

And it depends on your budget obviously re: the phone. If you are going to really struggle to afford it, can you ask her older siblings to chip in towards it and have it as a joint present from all of you?